How difficult is it to gain real respect?

"Teacher, this aspect is not easy to achieve. It seems that the psychological counselor is not so good. " The students left a message for the teacher.

Respect, enthusiasm, sincerity, * * love and positive concern are five personal qualities that a consultant must possess. The teacher only explained this aspect, and everyone already felt the pressure. It is not easy to gain real respect. On second thought, if you can really achieve these five points, you can also be regarded as a person who has reached a higher level, and these should also be included in the course of spiritual practice.

I always feel that I can do a good job in respect. For example, when I meet the security guards, cleaning, property and neighbors in the community, I will greet them with a smile. For example, as long as I am outside, I don't know how many times I have to say "thank you" a day, and I don't agree or object to others. Now a comparison, found that in fact, there is still a long way to go from real respect.

So what is real respect? Why do students find it difficult to do it?

Baidu Encyclopedia has some explanations for the word respect, but I don't think it is as clear as the psychological explanation, and it is more profound from the psychological point of view.

It turns out that respect is as simple as treating others as people!

"Yes, teacher. Parents should get along with their children and respect them. " Everyone thinks it is very necessary for parents to study psychology, at least they can learn how to respect their children.

The teacher smiled and nodded frequently to show his affirmation, and constantly praised the students' enthusiasm and enthusiasm for learning, as well as their carefulness and seriousness in reading. Although there are many psychological concepts, I believe that students will be able to grasp them firmly. Everyone is respected, and the interaction with teachers is becoming more and more frequent.

Let's lift the veil of respect and understand what real respect is:

First of all, respect means accepting others unconditionally.

Unconditional acceptance is easier said than done, but it is difficult to do, so students will lament that it is not easy to be a consultant. Here bread has three meanings:

The first is to accept everything from others unconditionally, without distinction. Accept the positive, sunny and positive side as well as the negative, gloomy and wrong side; We should not only accept the same side as ourselves, but also accept the completely different side from ourselves; We should not only accept what we like and agree with, but also accept what we don't like and oppose; We should not only accept other people's values and lifestyles, but also accept other people's cognition, behavior, mood and personality.

Secondly, neutrality, just like a cinema, anyone can enter by ticket, regardless of other people's moral quality, how much money they earn, whether they are married, whether they are beautiful, whether they are college students and so on. No likes and dislikes, no appreciation and hatred, just accept everything.

Finally, value neutrality, no judgment. A very traditional person will hate the third party very much, and when he meets the third party, he will be unable to restrain his hatred and disgust; A very positive, sunny and cheerful person may show dissatisfaction and blame when facing a negative and pessimistic person; Those who love learning may criticize those who don't, and so on, which are not acceptance. Unconditional acceptance means putting aside your own values and not asking others according to your lifestyle and attitude, no matter what kind of person he is, what kind of beliefs and values he has, whether he has cognitive distortion, extreme behavior, paranoid personality, negative emotions and thinking patterns. He only accepts everything from others without judgment.

I don't think there are many parents who can really accept their children unconditionally during their growth. Moral kidnapping happens from time to time. Many parents may not understand what unconditional acceptance is, but they may know that they can't control their emotions when things happen. If they can't accept unconditionally, naturally they can't respect unconditionally.

Second, respect means equality.

In life, we can see many unequal relationships, such as teachers educating students, coaches guiding athletes, police reforming prisoners and so on.

Equality means not favoring one's own likes and dislikes in values, dignity and personality, ignoring the differences between the two sides in values, beliefs, nationalities, occupations, status, education level, money and personality, and not criticizing, accusing, rejecting, belittling or discriminating against others.

When watching foreign movies and TV series, we often see many parents squatting down to talk and communicate with their children. In fact, this is a kind of equivalent performance in height, which reflects parents' respect for their children.

Third, respect means politeness.

The explanation of Baidu Encyclopedia is very interesting. It is said that people's subconscious may be eager to get respect and appreciation from others, thus producing politeness. Politeness may be the greatest invention in the history of human civilization, which can help us solve many problems.

We have been taught to be polite and use polite language since childhood, but I always feel that we are far from the real state of etiquette. We all have the experience that there is no love in a person's heart, and those beautiful polite expressions are ruthless and may even quarrel. Courtesy, no criticism, no discrimination and ridicule, no indifference, and love in your heart.

My heart is full of love, and then I use polite language in the process of getting along with my parents, so that my children can experience and feel the warmth brought by the language wrapped in love. In the future, he will treat others with love and courtesy, and the effect will be amazing, and others will gain ten times the respect.

Fourth, respect means trust.

The basis and premise of respect is trust. The topic of trust can last for three days and nights. Here I mainly talk about the trust between parents and children.

Trust always comes from both sides. As parents, we should first establish confidence in our children, believe that the problems he encountered in the process of self-growth will eventually be well solved, believe that his body and mind will develop healthily and happily, and believe that his infinite potential and that small universe will be detonated one day, that is to say, parents should look at their children with a developmental perspective. Secondly, because we always hold a positive, understanding and encouraging attitude towards our children, it enables children to relieve anxiety and insecurity, open their hearts, and know that when they encounter difficulties, they can get help in time without suffering physical or mental injuries such as being beaten, scolded, complained, satirized and sarcastic, thus building a sense of trust.

5. Respect means protecting privacy.

Trust may also be destroyed because some internal secrets or privacy are criticized or spread abroad after opening their inner world to others. So respecting others means accepting and protecting these contents, without gossiping, judging, interfering or spreading.

When children tell their parents their little secrets, we should also promise them that protecting their secrets means respecting them.

6. Respect means sincerity.

Respect is to communicate with others with sincere heart, sincere emotion and sincere attitude. When the trust relationship is established, it will not only damage the mutual relationship, but also strengthen trust.

When a child lives in a sunny, positive, inclusive, friendly and loving positive energy environment, he has enough trust in his parents and his heart is full of security. At this time, even if the parents point out some problems existing in the children, the children will gain the heartfelt care and love from their parents, and the parent-child relationship will be closer.

How to show respect? Not only counselors need to learn, but parents also need to learn, not only respect, but also enthusiasm, sincerity, affection and positive attention. These are all a person's psychological qualities. We can learn to improve ourselves and grow up with our children while accompanying them.