How to become an expert in dealing with contradictions

Issue 11: How to Be a Master in Dealing with Contradictions

The golden sentence of this issue:

1. Historically, we had only two choices in the face of competition: to fight or to give in; In modern society, there is a third choice that can be won.

2. Businessman's thinking: correctly evaluate the value of others by means of market pricing.

3. banker's thinking: jump out of the existing pattern and play a bigger game.

4. doer's thinking: turn concept conflict into action method.

5. Architect's thinking: Draw a clear boundary and define the cost of crossing the boundary.

6. taking others as good is also good for others, so a gentleman is nothing more than being good for others. -Mencius

You are watching Jiangsu Satellite TV's hard-core knowledge talk show "Knowledge is Power". Our program has been broadcast for many times, and the topic of each issue may only be related to some people, but it is amazing today. Everyone cares about the topic we are talking about today, because what we want to say is: how to become an expert in dealing with contradictions.

you may think this question has nothing to talk about. Dealing with contradictions and conflicts means fighting if you can fight, but not running, right? It is two modes, the fight or flight mode. Don't think so simple, only in the jungle society, our mode of dealing with contradictions is so simple. Two groups of monkeys saw a banana tree. Who owns it? Fight or flee, fight if you can, and run if you can't.

when we reach civilization, we will have other more advanced ways to deal with contradictions. For example, deterrence by force, not fighting, but showing you my strength and scaring you away, isn't this also a way to deal with contradictions? For example, the ancestors of China people, why do we like to make bronzes? A tripod is a cooking pot. Why use such a big pot? It's just for people to see What you see now is the tripod. I can make it into a weapon when I really want to fight in the future. Invite people from all tribes to come and have dinner with me. I have a big pot here. In fact, it is to let people see that I have bronzes here. This is the nuclear weapon at that time. This is a deterrent. Don't fight me. You see, this is the upgrade of the method of dealing with contradictions and conflicts.

Of course, China people later upgraded it, and we upgraded it to a civilized style. Naturally, our civilization advocates that everyone should let it go, such as the story of Kong Rong letting pears go.

To this day, China people often talk about some words. Listen, it's not easy to be a child when they are old. Just give face and get used to it ... These words are the fruits of our civilization, which help us to reconcile contradictions and persuade everyone to make concessions. However, we are in this modern society and the situation has become very complicated.

it's no longer useful to simply fight or give way, fight or flee. Fortunately, our program is called "Knowledge is Power", and we believe that knowledge gives you answers to all the difficult problems in life. So let's talk about how to deal with contradictions in this open society, complex era and era of large-scale gathering of strangers.

We read a lot of data and found that there is an important reason for the contradiction, that is, everyone tends to overestimate himself, which is a psychological mechanism in everyone's heart.

if you don't believe me, go to any class of students and ask everyone, do you think your overall level is above or below the average? Don't worry, the result of the investigation must be that most people think they are above the average. You can also think in your mind, am I above or below the average? Don't worry, most people will say above the average. A company did a survey and asked everyone to write after a job was finished. What percentage did they contribute to this job? The last summary found 3%. This is a kind of human behavior, and we all tend to overestimate ourselves.

Although we are no longer fighting for resources, we are fighting for shares, and everyone feels that they should get more when they see a share. Isn't this contradictory? Father Liu Chuanzhi said an analogy, called "big chicken and chicken". What does it mean? That is, when two chickens meet, if the size difference is not so big, each chicken feels bigger than Fang. For example, an ordinary hen sees a big turkey, and you are bigger than me? When will I really agree that the other person is older than me? Only when the size is extremely different, for example, when a chicken sees an ostrich, it will admit that it is bigger than me.

This phenomenon is very common in the workplace. People with similar abilities think that I am older than him, so many contradictions are born. So, back to our topic today, how to become a master of resolving contradictions? The first thing we should learn from him is those businessmen.

at this point, we can show the first trick of how to become a master of resolving contradictions, that is, businessman thinking. Please note that I'm not asking you to be a businessman. I treat everything like a businessman. But the most valuable thing about businessmen's thinking is that we have a fair signal when evaluating the value of others, which is of great help.

Let me give you an example. Let's say you want to rent a suite in one place and live by yourself. But you don't want to find an intermediary, because you don't want the middleman to make the difference. Ok, just a friend of yours, who has a very good relationship with you, has a house you like. As long as you two deal directly, you can bypass the agency fee. Then how do you pay the rent? Your friends will be polite to you, they are all friends, so it's cheaper! Do you want this cheap? You asked for this cheap, which promoted your friendship on the surface, but the effect I just mentioned will happen. Each of you will overestimate your contribution to this friendship, which may be only 1 yuan cheaper than the market price. But in his feelings, this thousand dollars will be overestimated. Of course, because you are friends, many things will happen. For example, you have added some furniture and done some simple decoration for this rented house. You will overestimate the value of your contribution, too. You didn't lose money by renting the house to me. I also looked after the house for you, bought you furniture, and repaired the faucet for you. So in your feelings, his cheap 1 yuan is not worth 1 yuan, so as long as you don't value it according to the thinking of businessmen in the market, you may not even have friends in the end because of this house. So even if you are friends and don't let the middleman make the difference, the most sensible thing is to go back to the market and pay his rent at a fair price.

The reason is as simple as that. Businessman thinking does not make us businessmen, but it is an important auxiliary line for us to make choices.

I have a friend who is an entrepreneur. His company is not big, but he is also a boss no matter how small. There is a contradiction between all bosses and employees, that is, how much to pay. Too many bosses are distressed, and too few employees do not agree. How to deal with this contradiction? We made it very clear just now that everyone is overestimating themselves, so this negotiation will never work out. What employees want is less work, more money, and being close to home. It's better for the boss that you don't give me money to work. This negotiation is impossible, so my friend later invented an idea and method. This method is what we just said about learning from the market and businessmen. What method?

that is, every day when he meets every colleague, he assumes that other companies in the whole market are digging for this person at the moment, so he will evaluate in his heart how much they will pay to dig him, and then he will think that he will pay up to 5 thousand? Eight thousand? Ten thousand? In a word, he will think of a number, and when he gets there, he thinks it's okay to dig it up. Anyway, I can't afford to hire this person, so I'll send him this number.

when you hear this, you may have a doubt in your heart, saying that this boss is too good. Isn't he hiring people at the highest price? In fact, if you think about it, this is not the highest price. Although what I just talked about is an ideological experiment, it is really happening. The boss refuses to pay the salary in place today, and it is really possible for the employees to leave tomorrow. When they leave, the losses to this enterprise will be even greater, so he is willing to pay the salary like this.

In fact, this is a way of fair market pricing, so that the value of both parties can be fairly reflected. You see, this is the application of businessman's thinking in dealing with contradictions.

So we live in modern society, a complex collaborative network, and when everyone tends to overestimate themselves, we must rely on the thinking of businessmen to find this fair value. This is not asking you to give up, this is not asking you to escape, and it is not asking you to be a good gentleman. It is an insight that each of us overestimates our own facts and then correctly evaluates the value of others.

This is the first thought tool that we provide to you. We call it businessman thinking.

This is not to ask everyone to do things with the mentality of businessmen, but to borrow their thinking methods to help us better estimate the value of others and get a fair value truth.

who is the second person from whom we can learn from our way of thinking? We call it banker thinking. Everyone knows that money is a good thing, and many contradictions are often fighting for money, but do you think it is strange? There is a kind of person who just came to give you money, and this person is a banker. Why can he give you something that everyone is arguing about? This question sounds strange, but the answer is actually very simple when you think about it, because the banker's chess game is big. If you give him your money, he will invest it in a place where he can make more money, and then earn more money. So in essence, it is because of the different patterns that bring different attitudes towards money.

You see, this kind of thinking can be used to deal with our current contradictions. Why? Because all contradictions are in the same pattern.

You want this thing, and I want it, too. You eat the same cake and I eat it. Is the same position yours or mine? That's all. As long as we jump out of this pattern and borrow the thinking of bankers we just talked about, it is actually a way to solve contradictions.

for example, a few years ago, a very famous company made a particularly wonderful campus recruitment. Campus recruitment means going to the school to recruit fresh undergraduate graduates. Where is the wonderful work of this company? That is, as long as the people in this school are professional, they don't interview, don't pick and choose, and they will be given letters of appointment if they have a diploma. This sounds particularly outrageous. Enterprises always find people with better abilities when paying salaries. Then you also accept all the students who study badly in the class. Is this company responsible? But it was several years before everyone figured out why it did it.

A startup needs to build a team with strong fighting capacity in a short time. If you choose top students from colleges and universities all over the country, but they are all strangers, there must be a running-in problem, and all the top students you choose will have the problem of overestimating yourself and refusing to obey anyone. When this team is well run-in, the leaders of real teams will emerge, which may take at least half a year. This new business, daylily, is cold. You will know how smart this move is.

I accept all the students in a class according to the order. I can arrange whatever dormitory and bunk I used to live in at school according to the order. What was the result? The result is that the original interpersonal relationship structure is copied. Everyone knows that the students in a class are relatively close to each other and slightly alienated from each other. So in the new job, the running-in cost becomes extremely low. Everyone knows very well who has a little prestige as a leader in a class. So it is easy to produce a small leader of the team. The original contradictions will be solved, so we can build a fighting team with the fastest speed, and this business cycle can be grasped.

This is the second trick we want to talk about, which is called "banker thinking". I want to think of a bigger chess game outside this pattern. Is it possible for me to exchange a bigger benefit with you in a bigger pattern? Or shall I exchange a greater benefit with you in the future?

The wars in the world are always algorithms with different patterns, but once a banker has the thinking, he can think about all kinds of interest arrangements and how to solve all kinds of contradictions through the expansion of the pattern.

So, when we compete with others, we can think about it. The benefits of this small pattern are given to each other, but can we make a deal, do each other a favor, jump out of the existing pattern and ask the other party to help us with the benefits that can be realized in the future?

ladies and gentlemen, it is wonderful to exchange this matter. You should have heard a story that someone can start with a needle, exchange, exchange, and finally change to a villa. Because every time you exchange, you can take what the other party needs most at the moment and exchange it for your own greater interests in the future. In this kind of transaction, you become a valuable banker.

Just now, we said that the second way of thinking is called "banker thinking". What other ways of thinking can help us solve contradictions? Let me ask you a question first. I didn't ask this question, but we got a question from Xue Zhaofeng's economics class in the APP. It's a classic economics question.

suppose there are three or five people together. If you ask them to discuss something, you will find that their views are always different. But when you ask them to do one thing, their actions are always surprisingly consistent. This is a very strange phenomenon in human society. Why are there always conflicts in ideas and consistent actions?

In fact, the answer to this question is very simple, because there is no cost to express opinions, but there is a cost to act, so we should be responsible. So back to our topic today, why are there contradictions between us? Because we often confuse ideas with actions, we put forward a third way of thinking, called "doer thinking", which turns ideas into actions.

This is very abstract. Let me give you an example.

I've met a master negotiator. He's never done this at the negotiating table, asking exorbitant prices and paying back money on the spot. Always ask each other sincerely first, what is your asking price? After the other party bids, he will first say, I especially understand you. Your asking price is not excessive at all. Your consideration for the interests of your company and your team is really admirable. However, if I want to accept your asking price, I have the following difficulties, one two three four. Now suppose that you are me, and you have completely accepted the other party's offer. What do you think I should do in the face of these difficulties? Listen, drag the other person into his own identity with a hypothesis, so that the conflict between the other person and himself becomes an operational problem.

is the word "hypothesis" so magical? Yes, it is so amazing, because there has been a very significant transformation behind it.

what transformation? It is from concept to action. It is not face to face with each other, but let them turn around and face the same difficulties as themselves to help me out. So in this case, do you know what kind of person is the most