"Chinese-style blind date": Behind the excitement is panic and phobia of choice. What do you think?

Introduction: The forms of blind dates have become very diversified, and they are also moving from being subtle to being open today. Is society’s view on marriage and love changing? Or has the mentality of young people changed? Or is there another reason?

01

Dongfang TV once had a very popular program called "Chinese-style Blind Date", in which single men and women could bring their own groups of relatives and friends to the scene together to form a group blind date.

This approach is more lively and down-to-earth than "If You Are the One", which has been popular for many years.

So this Chinese-style blind date model also attracted Jiangsu Satellite TV to launch a new program called "New Dating Era", later called "New Dating Conference". The model is similar, it can also be said that, A routine hosted by heavyweight "matchmaker" Meng Fei.

One of my brothers, Anan, has an annual salary of more than 500,000 yuan at a young age. He is handsome and rich in the eyes of others, but unfortunately he has never met the right person. He watched Meng Fei's show and impulsively wanted to get his parents to try it.

I told him that a show is just a show after all, and you still have to work harder in real life.

Han Han once said: If you like someone, you are happy together; if you love someone, you want to be together even if you are unhappy.

However, many people's feelings nowadays start from "happy" and end with "unhappy".

Speaking of Anan, the several relationships he has experienced are almost the same. He met the girls through blind dates. Both of them thought they were beautiful in the first meeting, but it may be because of the good things in the past that they ended up falling out soon after getting together. , once both parties encounter problems or friction, it is easy to have a psychological gap and break up.

To say that these days, even breaking up is easy, just like two people meeting on the road, chatting until they have nothing to say, then say "goodbye" to each other.

Anan concluded that this is probably because there is no emotional basis.

I think I need to add another reason, which is: in fact, many people are quite "panic" when it comes to relationships.

For example, many young people nowadays generally have small social circles. Even though they seem to have many choices through blind dates, because they have no emotional foundation, the more they come into contact with many people, the more Being dazzled by various conditions, it is easier to build a higher "psychological defense" after previous failures and lessons, so they still have "choice phobia".

At the same time, when they meet more people, they will begin to wonder or even not know what kind of partner they really like, and they will become more and more uneasy about it, fearing that they will lose them over time. The ability to love.

So, in order to prevent myself from becoming the "dislikeable to everyone" person that I was afraid of becoming, when I met someone who was relatively "similar", I would simply "try everything" attitude.

However, the attitude is not "correct" after all. Whenever you are unhappy, you will have the idea of ??"making a new choice". You always feel that things will be better later. "Don't hang yourself from a tree." "Death" has evolved into "not wasting too much time on a certain 'option'"

It can be seen that many of the relationships around us are not truly "in love with each other".

02

Most people’s love is realistic, but people on the road to finding love are panicked.

Let’s take another example from my side. A male friend of mine, in order to quickly find a well-matched partner that his parents asked for, he had to "catch up", sometimes meeting two or three in a day.

Because we didn’t confirm the relationship at the beginning, to put it bluntly, we didn’t have much feelings for each other yet. During the conversation, we were just checking each other’s situation, such as the situation of the RV, whether there is a loan in our name, whether we are an only child, and our parents. What work and so on.

My friend was busy chatting on WeChat in front of me, and he told me without hesitation that he was in contact with several girls on blind dates at the same time.

When I heard about this kind of "operation" for the first time, I was surprised and disdainful, but he said: "It's like this, and I have no choice. Everyone uses the 'elimination method' to make choices." , when you are making a choice, you may also be someone else's 'option'. I have to compare a lot. My family is in a hurry, and I have to find a relatively suitable one as soon as possible to talk about it. ”

The same goes for several girls among my colleagues. They work hard and live a high-quality life. They are all representatives of the new era of women with independent personalities and rich spiritual worlds. They are excellent in all aspects, but they are worried about love. He broke his own parents.

After all, in today's society, most people think that it doesn't matter if a man is older, but women are different. Age is a treasure, and it is best to meet the right person in your golden age.

So the pressure on the girls is even greater, and the people around them are even more busy making arrangements for the girls. They have made appointments with many boys, and they are basically selected based on similar conditions. Despite this, the girls still have a headache. It’s hard to find one that feels right.

It can be seen that blind date seems to be really difficult to satisfy girls’ spiritual pursuits.

03

I discussed this topic with my friends: which one is more important, "conditions" or "feelings"?

The opinion of most people is: conditions and feelings are two different things. If the conditions are good, it does not necessarily feel right. If the conditions are good and the feeling is right, then add something that almost everyone wants. : No matter how good your character is, even if you meet someone in a huge crowd, it’s hard to say whether you will happen to be the person that the other person thinks is right in all aspects.

Maybe the person you marry is not the person you love very much, or even the person you have not fallen in love with.

But age will not wait for you to "pack yourself up and take your time."

The age that cannot resist the upward trend, coupled with the extremely ardent expectations of parents, is approaching the city, and your "city" may have been in chaos, but you never meet the person you want. Does the person who got married feel panicked when he thinks about this?

Do you really want to find a relatively good person and get married so casually?

So, I had no choice but to continue the blind date. It seems that only by looking back thousands of times in the crowd can I be lucky enough to meet "you".

Dating makes love no longer so subtle, nor so fascinating.

Love has been unveiled and put on the table. Just look at the "Dating Corner" by the Xuanwu Lake in Nanjing, where the information of so many single men and women is openly displayed in rows.

In order to attract attention, the information lists all kinds of eye-catching and eye-catching personal conditions, such as high education, good job, RV ownership, parents’ positions, etc. Single people, or their parents and relatives passing by, will look at it very seriously as if they were visiting the Grand View Garden. If they meet someone with satisfactory conditions, they will take their mobile phone to write down their contact information. The scene is comparable to a corporate job fair.

Looking at today’s blind dates, from the traditional one-to-one model to the increasingly popular “large-scale group blind dates”, there are also more and more matchmaking agencies, through sororities, dating parties, outdoor Various forms of activities such as expansion have brought these single men and women together to realize the transition from "one-to-one" to "many-to-many".

Theoretically, this blind date mode has a wider range of choices, and you can make horizontal and vertical comparisons as much as you like. This should be very efficient, but what is the reality? Why do so many people still lament that it is so difficult to find a partner?

I think there should be an important reason: besides love, there are many things filling our lives. Contemporary young people seem to be under more pressure, both from social pressure and from life pressure.

For example, time-filling work, "deep" overtime work every now and then, infighting interpersonal relationships, and most realistically, your "low income" that can never keep up with the increase in housing prices.

The upcoming love and marriage will also bring more pressures and responsibilities for you to shoulder.

04

In addition to worrying about love, young people have to worry about many unavoidable things in their limited energy and time.

"Don't be sloppy, talk if you can, and continue if you can. We are all very busy." This has become a portrayal of the love mentality of more young people.

This kind of mentality is not right. If you really want to meet true love as soon as possible, there are still "techniques".

First of all, you cannot blindly value the other person's current "personal conditions". As for yourself, you must put down your "status" appropriately.

In fact, a person's quality, talent, personality, etc., are more important than the current "personal conditions" created for him by his predecessors or opportunities.

Let’s see, love in college is different from love in society. The most obvious difference is the different mentality.

In the student days, each other pays more attention to feelings, and both parties have a clearer understanding of what the other half they like is like. Girls may appreciate boys' talents and attentiveness more, while boys will like girls' cuteness and thoughtfulness.

Imagine: Under the sunshine or in the evening breeze, a boy and girl who like each other ride a bicycle and pass every scenery on campus with laughter. Maybe this is what love is like. .

When it comes to blind dates, you may list many conditions out of thin air. In fact, they are just your own imagination. Don’t let others say it. Everyone is like this. Whatever they lack, they want whatever they want.

05

There is a joke among girls. Women subconsciously hope that they have many husbands. One is responsible for making money, one is responsible for doing housework, and the third is responsible for handsomeness and scumbag...

But because you haven’t met a specific person, so if you inevitably go on a blind date, you might as well convince your parents and relatives and let them know that what you value more is the other person’s quality, personality, etc., and naturally they will also You won't let people who don't even know what they know about you make an appointment with you. Although they will take a look at the conditions, they will definitely put them "secondarily".

In order to find true love, there is another key point that you have to admit and that you urgently need to improve.

You have to admit that this is a society in which we have accelerated our pace. Our emotions have become richer and more perceptual, and our ideas have become more open and jumping.

However, we don’t seem to have much patience to spend a lot of time on one thing, including love.

Maybe it’s because our utilitarianism and purposefulness have become stronger? Therefore, we frequently go to various blind dates. Or is it because we don't dare to be too devoted to love, fearing that "extreme love will inevitably hurt"? That's why even if there is a normal run-in between two people, they will feel panicked, afraid of getting hurt, and lack the patience to solve the problem.

This is not the attitude we should have. Back then, many people went to see the movie "The Ex 3". Some of the "misses" in the movie were empathetic and made more people who watched the movie understand in their hearts. Many relationships don't have to be broken up. In many cases, just like what Zhizunbao said, you won't regret it until you lose it.

So, if love really comes one day, we must also learn to manage it well, because it is a matter of two people, not just the responsibility of one person.