The custom of a man’s family coming to Dalang’s house in Dongguan to propose marriage

The custom of the male family in Dalang, Dongguan, visiting to propose marriage

Roughly speaking, it can be divided into three "general outlines" - pre-wedding ceremony, main wedding ceremony, and post-wedding ceremony. There are several specific items under each general outline. From the initial "proposing marriage" to the final "returning home", it takes more than a month to complete the ceremony. "Red tape" is the best way to describe it.

So some people say that formal weddings in Guangzhou are exclusive to the rich and idle people, while the poor people only choose to perform certain necessary procedures.

Pre-wedding ceremony: The last important procedure before the wedding is to welcome the bride. The groom's family sends representatives to the bride's family to welcome the bride; the bride's family collects some of the gifts from the groom's family (but not all of them) and returns gifts as a thank you.

Pre-wedding etiquette

1. Send betrothal gift: Before the wedding, the man will go to the woman’s house to deliver the betrothal gift. The custom in Guangzhou is to give chickens (meaning life), coconuts (having a father and a son, the blessing of a family), gift cakes (to the woman’s relatives), and also giving gifts of money, which means that the man’s family is rich and he will be happy. Let the woman marry and enjoy happiness.

2. Return gifts: The bride’s family will also return gifts, and the gifts include betel nuts (meaning the groom).

3. Setting up the bed: The night before the wedding, the woman will find a lucky man (with a happy family, living parents, and a son) to install a new bed in the new house, and put peanuts, red dates, and walnuts in it. Food that means good luck such as having a baby early is placed beside the bed.

4. Dowry: Before getting married, the bride will put the dowry prepared by her parents’ family in a red leather box and take it to her husband’s family the next day.

5. Above: On the night before the wedding, an auspicious time will be chosen to worship God, heaven and earth, and pray for happiness, and the man will be notified to worship at the same time.

6. Combing her hair: The bride will ask a lucky elder to comb her hair.

7. Eating glutinous rice balls: means that you can get married successfully and be happy.

Main wedding: the etiquette on the day after the bride arrives at the groom’s house. The bride and groom both worship to heaven, earth, ancestors, parents and husband and wife. Afterwards, the bride, accompanied by the groom, offers "heart hug" (i.e. daughter-in-law) tea to the groom's parents and elders, as well as relatives and friends congratulating her. After the person being offered tea has finished drinking the tea, he or she must seal a "profit" (i.e. red envelope) to the newlyweds. The groom's family then held a banquet to entertain relatives and friends. During the banquet, the bride and groom will toast each other at each table, and tea will be served before the banquet ends. Before entering the bridal chamber, the groom and the bride should drink lotus seed sugar water to get the good meaning of "continuous birth of a precious son"; they should drink "lily tea" to get the meaning of "a happy marriage for a hundred years" and "white hair equal to the eyebrows"; To eat Heshunlan, choose its harmonious, smooth and sweet meaning.

Etiquette on the wedding day

1. Welcoming: On the morning of the wedding, the man’s team will come to the woman’s house to pick up the bride. Nowadays, picking up the bride is the highlight of the entire wedding. The first level is "getting started". If you want to successfully receive a beautiful woman, you must pass a series of intelligence and physical tests, and add songs and words of love when necessary. But the most important thing is the generous "opening profit". Only when the sisters are satisfied will the door be opened. The groom should use bouquets to marry the bride (the bride is not allowed to make her own bouquets).

2. Find red shoes: The groom will look for red shoes for the bride in the room where he picks up the bride, and then he can take the bride away after putting them on.

3. Serve tea: The newlyweds then serve tea to their parents and kneel down (if according to the old customs, the newlyweds cannot kneel down before going to the groom's house to meet the aunt, that is, the newlyweds should stand and serve tea to the girl's parents. But now we are no longer so particular about it. If you want to, you can kneel down to express your feelings.)

4. Hold a red umbrella and throw rice: The bridesmaid will hold a red umbrella to accompany the bride and groom when they go out, and will throw rice to the chickens while walking to prevent the chickens from pecking the bride.

5. Detour around the auspicious road: The car that welcomes the bride must go around the auspicious road in the city. Roads with good auspicious names such as Jixiang Road and Huifu Road.

6. Passing through the door: Passing through the door means that the bride formally enters the groom's family after leaving the bride's house, and meets the aunt and other elders of the groom's family.

7. Wedding: The ceremony will be held at the hotel, and a master of ceremonies will preside over the ceremony.

8. Respect guests: After the banquet begins and when the fish is served, the bride puts on a traditional dragon and phoenix gown and serves tea to the guests.

9. Entering the bridal chamber: After the banquet, the couple and some friends will go to the new house to visit or entertain.

Post-wedding ceremony: The newlyweds return to their parents' home on the third day after the wedding, which is called "returning to the home for three dynasties". This is the last ceremony of the marriage. When returning home, the husband's family prepares gifts, including roasted pig, chicken and gift cakes. The newlyweds must return to their husband's house before sunset on the same day; and they must follow the same route they took when they welcomed the bride, and cannot "walk two roads in three days."

Post-wedding etiquette

Returning to the door: Three dynasties returning to the door means that on the third day after the wedding, the bride, accompanied by her husband, brings roasted pigs and gifts back to her parents' home to worship their ancestors in Dongguan. Customs

Three Books and Six Rites "Three Books and Six Rites" is the basis of traditional Chinese wedding customs, which have been established as early as the pre-Qin era. The so-called "Three Letters" are the documents required to follow the "Six Rites" (including letter of engagement, letter of ceremony and letter of welcome). They are written records that ensure the validity of marriage in ancient times. The so-called "Six Rites" refer to the six procedures that must be completed to marry a wife. Every marriage must complete these six steps before it can be officially recognized

Three Letters" [letter of engagement]: a letter given by the man's family to the woman's family when the man and woman get engaged, which is used to confirm the engagement.

[Book of Rituals]: A letter from the groom’s family to the bride’s family when a gift is given, detailing the items and quantities of the gift.

[Welcome Letter]: A letter from the groom’s family to the bride’s family on the wedding day.

These three books are letters that men and women pay tribute to each other throughout the wedding process.

[Requesting Period] is also called [Selecting a Day]. The groom’s family asks a fortune teller to choose a good and auspicious day to get married, so that the proposal will go smoothly and the two will be harmonious. After the auspicious date is chosen, the bride's family is notified to prepare for their daughter's marriage, which is called the date.

[Moving the dowry] After receiving the gift, the bride’s family must deliver the dowry to the groom’s family no later than the day before the wedding. Dowry is a symbol of the bride's family's status and wealth. In the past, Cantonese people liked to use camphor wood to give dowries, taking the meaning of its sturdiness and durability. Dowry giving can be divided into "sending dowry" and "welcoming dowry". "Dowry delivery" is when the bride's family sends the dowry to the groom's family. In addition to the person who carries the dowry, the bride's family will also ask several relatives and friends to follow and take care of it. The more people there are, the richer the bride's family is. After the dowry is carried to the groom's family, the groom's family will invite relatives and friends to come out to greet it. This is called "welcoming the dowry". In addition to expensive jewelry and gold ornaments, there are many things that symbolize good omens in the dowry. Use a spittoon as a bucket for children and grandchildren, hoping that your daughter will blossom and your family will be full of children and grandchildren. Using a red ruler as a ruler for descendants means fertile fields and vast hectares of fertile land; a vase represents blooming flowers and wealth; a copper plate and shoes represent growing old together; a silver bag and a leather belt represent a waist wrapped around 10,000 hectares of land; scissors represent butterflies flying together; dragon and phoenix quilts and sheets A pair of pillows are used to wish the couple a loving relationship; a piece of candy symbolizes sweetness and happiness; dragon and phoenix bowls and chopsticks are used as food and clothing bowls, which means abundant food and clothing (a letter of profit is placed in the bowl, which can replace 72 sets of clothes in the dowry).

[Bed Setting] On the auspicious days before the wedding, the good luck lady will place the new bed in an auspicious position for the couple, then lay it with a dragon and phoenix quilt, and sprinkle red mung beans, lotus seeds, and red dates. , longan, walnut and other happy fruits. After the bed is installed, the newlyweds are not allowed to sleep in the new bed. Pregnant women, those with filial piety, and women who are menstruating are not allowed to enter. In addition, after setting up the bed, the children should be allowed to jump on the bed and eat the happy fruit, which in ancient times was called "bed press", which means to spread branches and leaves. [Going to the Pavilion] The most important rituals and etiquette before holding a wedding are "Going to the Pavilion" and "Shangtou". "Shangge" is when the bride-to-be stays in a corner of her home for a short period of time before her wedding, usually in a boudoir or attic, accompanied by a group of sisters and close friends. She temporarily gets rid of her daily habits and prepares herself mentally for the future. Can adapt to the unfamiliar living environment of the husband's family. The bride will not leave the attic until her wedding day, so it is commonly known as "leaving the attic" when a girl gets married. Modern people also have activities similar to "going to the pavilion". The bride invites her sisters and close friends to stay at the bride's house the night before the wedding to talk to each other about their concerns and prepare for another stage of life tomorrow. Although occasionally sisters became emotional and shed tears, the overall atmosphere was still full of joy.

The most solemn engagement ceremony takes place approximately fifteen to twenty days before the wedding. The groom's family chooses an auspicious day and sends gifts and various gifts to the bride's family.

To this day, because this traditional wedding etiquette is cumbersome and time-consuming, the full set of "Three Letters and Six Rituals" is rarely used. Most of the time, the complex is simplified. The most widely regarded part is the wedding ceremony: the groom's family (guo's family) Big gift) Girl's family (return gift)

Items that have been given as a big gift include:

(1) Gift cakes: two boxes of dragon and phoenix gift cakes. The gift cakes can be divided into four types, six types and eight types, all in even numbers.

(2) Coconut: Use two pairs if the parents are still alive, otherwise it is better to use one pair.

(3) Tea leaves and sesame seeds: Because tea trees cannot be transplanted, seeds must be used when planting, so tea leaves are given as gifts, which means that they wish their children to keep planting. There is also a metaphor that once a marriage contract is concluded, a woman must keep her word and never regret it, which is also the so-called oilseed tea ceremony.

(4) Two pairs of betel nuts.

(5) Three animals: two pairs of chickens or geese, two females and two males (if the parents are not alive, only one pair is required). Pork is made in two parts, that is, one piece is split into two pieces and the bottom is connected. A pair of fish, usually a large fish. (Nowadays, it is mostly replaced by Sanshengjin [profit market])

(6) Seafood: usually four types of seafood. For high-end ones, abalone, sea cucumber, shark's fin, fish maw, and scallops can be used; for more economical ones, Squid, dried shrimps, mushrooms, and oysters. Plenty and frugality depend on people (can be replaced by profit from the market).

7) Post box: Of course, the gift box must contain gift money, and the rest should also be filled with lotus seeds, lilies, red beans, mung beans, walnuts, peanuts, dried longans, dried lychees, cypress, and pomegranates. Yes wait. Among them are two pairs, with the words: "Five generations living under one roof, hundreds of sons and thousands of grandchildren."

(8) Others: cigarettes, wine, fruits, please do as you please. Don’t miss two pairs of dragon and phoenix candles, as well as two pairs of couplets. (The couplet should be pasted in front of the gate at the latest the night before the wedding. Do not swap the left and right sides by mistake.)

When the bride’s family receives the betrothal gift from the groom’s family, they should also paste the couplets that belong to the groom’s family’s blessings. Items in return.

The return gift includes

(1) Half or a portion of the betrothal gift from the groom’s family, but it must be in pairs.

(2) Tea, sesame, and fruits.

(3) One pair each of lotus root, taro and pomegranate. (It is best to choose lotus roots with branches and buds)

(4) He curtain towel (that is, double happiness towel).

(5) A suit or clothing material for the son-in-law, a belt, a wallet (with red chips inside), a pair of shoes and two pairs of socks.

(Since clothing sizes vary from person to person, to avoid deviation, it is recommended to use rishi instead.)

(6) A pair of betel nuts.

(7) Big tea ceremony: including money, fried dumplings, longli, big fat sponge cake, etc.

Tips:

You can keep everything simple, replace it with good things, and write "Excessive gift means big money". For example, "pork gold" replaces pork, and "clothing gold" replaces clothing. However, some important gifts should be brought in person as much as possible, including: a pair of dragon and phoenix cakes, several Tang cakes (about eight), a pair of dragon and phoenix candles, a couplet and fruits, etc.

Betrothal gift The items have auspicious meaning, and the quantity must be in pairs, avoid using odd numbers.

When the bride’s family receives the betrothal gift from the groom’s family, not all of it is accepted. The items that belong to the groom’s family’s blessings need to be reciprocated. Handkerchiefs are not allowed as gifts because they imply breaking up.

Wedding cakes

According to Chinese tradition, sending wedding cakes is a part that should not be taken lightly. It shows the importance and grandness of the wedding. The groom's family will send gift cakes (bridal cakes) when celebrating a grand ceremony, and the bride's family will distribute them to relatives and friends to celebrate the occasion. The so-called "bridal cakes" are sent to announce the good news that their daughter will get married to relatives and friends. The number of cakes distributed can be determined according to the relatives, elders and children, and can also be divided into four, six and eight styles, depending on the meaning of pairs.

There are currently 30 to 40 types of Chinese gift cakes. The most popular ones are:

Colorful egg pastry, egg yolk, lotus paste, red damask, lotus paste, yellow damask, bean paste, and terminal nut Walnut crisp, egg yolk, lotus paste, chicken cake, chicken butter, egg yolk crisp, egg white, coconut mountain

Dowry

After receiving the gift, the bride’s family must deliver the dowry to the groom no later than the day before the wedding. Home. Dowry is a symbol of the bride's family's status and wealth. In the past, Cantonese people liked to use camphor wood to give dowries, taking the meaning of its sturdiness and durability. Dowry giving can be divided into "sending dowry" and "welcoming dowry".

"Dowry delivery" is when the bride's family sends the dowry to the groom's family. In addition to the person who carries the dowry, the bride's family will also ask several relatives and friends to follow and take care of it. The more people there are, the richer the bride's family is. After the dowry is carried to the groom's family, the groom's family will invite relatives and friends to come out to greet it. This is called "welcoming the dowry". In addition to expensive jewelry and gold ornaments, there are many things that symbolize good omens in the dowry. Use a spittoon as a bucket for children and grandchildren, hoping that your daughter will blossom and your family will be full of children and grandchildren. Using a red ruler as a ruler for descendants means fertile fields and vast hectares of fertile land; a vase represents blooming flowers and wealth; a copper plate and shoes represent growing old together; a silver bag and a leather belt represent a waist wrapped around 10,000 hectares of land; scissors represent butterflies flying together; dragon and phoenix quilts and sheets A pair of pillows are used to wish the couple a loving relationship; a piece of candy symbolizes sweetness and happiness; dragon and phoenix bowls and chopsticks are used as food and clothing bowls, which means abundant food and clothing (a letter of profit is placed in the bowl, which can replace 72 sets of clothes in the dowry).

In recent years, in order to comply with the trend of full etiquette and simplicity of details, miniature dowries with exquisite workmanship have appeared on the market. They are modeled on the original ones, and the designs are more festive with Chinese characteristics and are made of high-quality camphor wood. It is in line with the festive traditional customs and is deeply loved by those who are about to get married.

Setting the Bed

On the auspicious days before the wedding, the good luck lady will place the new bed in an auspicious position for the couple, then lay it with a dragon and phoenix quilt, and sprinkle red flowers on it. Mung beans, lotus seeds, red dates, longans, walnuts and other happy fruits. After the bed is installed, the newlyweds are not allowed to sleep in the new bed. Pregnant women, those with filial piety, and women who are menstruating are not allowed to enter. In addition, after setting up the bed, the children should be allowed to jump on the bed and eat the happy fruit, which in ancient times was called "bed press", which means to spread branches and leaves.

In the modern wedding customs of Shangtou, before welcoming the bride, the male and female families will still perform the Shangtou ceremony separately. The wedding ceremony is held on the night before or on the wedding day. The wedding ceremony symbolizes that the newlyweds have officially entered the adult stage, and they need to form a new family and shoulder the mission of spreading their branches. It is necessary to choose a good time. The man is half an hour earlier than the woman. Both men and women need to take a bath first and be greeted by a "good luck" person (commonly known as a good luck man/good luck woman), who is the elder of the man and woman's family, including his parents, children, etc. Those who are still alive and harmonious as husband and wife) use pomelo water to wash their bodies (it is said that pomelo leaves can wash away impurities). Afterwards, they put on brand new underwear and pajamas, sit against a window where they can see the moon, and have their hair combed by the "lucky guy" or "lucky lady". The bride's hair will be combed into a bun to signify her entry into adulthood after becoming a woman. While combing their hair, the "lucky man" or "lucky woman" should utter auspicious rhyming sentences, such as "One comb to the end, two combs to the eyebrows, three combs to the children and grandchildren, four combs to the end." The four silver bamboo shoots are in perfect harmony." The meaning is to wish the newlyweds a happy marriage. Finally, the "good luck guy" or "good luck lady" needs to tie the cypress and red head rope on the groom's or bride's head to complete the ceremony. Since it is a ritual for parents to bless their children, it is taken more seriously.

The man should take a shower with grapefruit leaves before having sex, and then put on brand new underwear and pajamas, which means a new beginning. Three bowls of glutinous rice balls (nine in each bowl), a mirror, a red head rope, a pointed comb, a descendant ruler, and scissors should be prepared before the ceremony. When the auspicious time comes, the person with good fortune will comb the hair and sincerely pay homage to the sky. After the combing is completed, , you can eat glutinous rice balls with your family and brothers and share the joy of marriage.

The woman should go to bed

Before going to bed, she should take a shower with pomelo leaves and put on brand new underwear and pajamas. Then she should choose a window where she can see the moon and light the dragon and phoenix candles. Along with three bowls of glutinous rice balls, fruits, roast meat, and chicken, we sincerely pay homage to the sky. We should also prepare wooden combs and grate combs instead of pointed combs, sewing kits, and red silk scarves; scissors represent advantages, and descendants, rulers, and mirrors are chosen for their brightness. The following meaning is the so-called "faucet mirror and scissor ruler".

Entry

After arriving at the groom’s house, the bride is supported by Da Jin and enters the groom’s house. A charcoal-burning brazier (either copper or iron) will be placed outside the door threshold. The bride needs to step over the brazier. This is called "crossing the brazier", which means prosperity and exorcism. Next is the worship ceremony, which is divided into three steps. The first is to worship heaven and earth, the second is to worship ancestors, and the third is to worship family aunt Weng. After worshiping heaven and earth and kneeling before the ancestors, the newlyweds will kowtow to the groom’s parents. The bride will offer fragrant tea to the family members and aunts, and then they will go to the elders one by one according to their generation and age. When serving tea, whether you kneel down or not depends on the preferences of both parties.

After kneeling down to worship their parents, the newlyweds will bow to each other. Sister Dajin will continue to say some auspicious words. After bowing to each other, the ceremony will be completed.

For traditional Chinese people, serving tea is a very important etiquette. After paying homage to their ancestors, the newlyweds should serve tea to their parents. This not only represents gratitude to their parents for their upbringing, but also represents the acceptance of the groom or bride as a new member of the family by both parents, which is a symbol of identity recognition. Two red dates and lotus seeds are usually placed in the fragrant tea used by newlyweds, which symbolizes the good omen of having a baby early. After the new family member, aunts and elders drink the bride's cup of tea, they will give gold bracelets, jade and other jewelry as a meeting gift to the new daughter-in-law. They will also put a cup of fragrant tea on a tray (commonly known as a "betel nut box"). The bonus is a reward from Sister Dajin.

Go out and go out

After arriving at the girl's house, the first step is the entrance. If you want to successfully receive the beauty, you must pass a series of intelligence and physical tests, and if necessary, declare your love. Declaration (deed of betrayal), but the most important thing is to give the sisters a generous opening and favorable conditions. Only when the sisters are satisfied will the door open. After the entrance, the bride is brought out by the elder sister or the bridesmaid and handed over to the bride's father. The father then hands the bride to the groom, and the couple formally meet each other. Following the newlyweds, they first worship heaven and earth, then their ancestors, and then offer tea and kneel down to their parents. This completes the ceremony of picking up the bride.

To complete the above ceremony, the bride needs to be supported by the bridesmaid or the eldest sister and hold a red umbrella, which means branches and leaves. The other sisters must also scatter rice, red, mung beans, and gold paper shreds while walking, commonly known as "Feeding the golden rooster" is said to prevent the golden rooster from pecking the bride. Before getting on the float, the bride should bow to her relatives and friends to show her gratitude. It must be noted that the person who accompanies the bride to the groom's house must be an unmarried woman, except the elder sister, and the bride's brother cannot accompany the bride to the groom's house. If the bride gets married earlier than her brother, she must hang her brother's trousers at the door. The newlyweds wear it under the crotch. If they get married earlier than their elder sisters, a skirt is given to the unmarried sister. Unmarried brothers and sisters are not allowed to witness the newlyweds going out or passing the door, and they should avoid it temporarily

Return to the house after three dynasties

Although returning home is not listed in the Three Books and Six Rites, it is a very important traditional Chinese wedding etiquette and must not be taken lightly. In the past, after a bride got married, she would go back to her natal home to visit her parents accompanied by her husband on the third day. When the bride returns home, she must wear my country's traditional bridal gown (skirt and gown) and carry a brand new red bridal bag. The skirt and gown represent the bride's pure and pure identity, and can only be worn by yellow-flowered girls. At the same time, the groom's family must send back a golden pig to show the bride's chastity. After receiving the golden pig, the girl's family distributes it to relatives, friends, and neighbors to enjoy, to show that her daughter lives up to her family name. Traditionally, the mother-in-law has to leave the bride and her son-in-law at home to have dinner at home, but now most newlyweds choose to return home on the same day to save time, that is, after the newlyweds have worshiped heaven and earth at the groom's house and served tea to the aunt, they will do so immediately. After the homecoming ceremony, they return to the groom's house or go directly to the restaurant. The couple can also return to the groom's house on the second day, but it must not exceed the third day. This means that the groom's family is not satisfied with the bride and does not allow the bride to return to her parents' home. Nowadays, most of the gifts for returning home are replaced by red chips, with the exception of the word pig.

Homecoming gifts: 1. (delivered from the man’s family to the woman’s family):

One golden pig , two boxes of Western cakes, two bottles of wine, a pair of raw chickens, two pounds each of pork belly and pork, two baskets of fruits (representing rawness and strength), head lettuce (feng shui), green onions (loose and loose) , two boxes of Yi noodles (representing lingering love), two sugar canes with heads and tails

Return gift: 2 (delivered to the groom’s house from the girl’s family)

Golden pig head and tail, One hand and one foot each, half a pig's tongue, a box of Western cakes, head sugar cane, and head lettuce

The couple holds a wedding in accordance with traditional wedding customs, but there are actually some taboos that need to be paid attention to:

1. On the wedding day, when the bride goes out, the word has been replaced and the word has been replaced cannot be given as a gift, because [word has been replaced] has the same pronunciation as sweeping star, which is unlucky. The bride's clothes should not have pockets when going out, so as not to take away her family's wealth.

2. Before the wedding is over, no one is allowed to sit on the new bed, and the bride is not allowed to lie down, lest she will be sick in bed all year round.

3. The bride must wear new shoes on her wedding day, which means throwing away old things.

4. When the bride goes out, she must wear earrings to show her obedience. Those who do not have pierced ears can wear clip-on earrings.

5. If any of the elders of the couple have passed away, when serving tea, the tea served by the couple should be placed where he or she should sit. After the tea is served, the tea served by the couple should be moved. Stool and seat the next person.