Chapter 03: Half obsessed, half indifferent.

People once thought that they would never forget their thoughts or pains, and half of them eventually became obsessed with them, while the other half became indifferent. When they were obsessed with them, they searched everywhere for their former faces to pick flowers and read the clouds and waters of mountains and seas, and they were also happy to die. When the obsession faded, no matter whether he was in a dimly lit place or not, even after his clothes became wider and wider, this feeling was unforgettable. After all, futile obsession is like a kind of sacrifice, which sacrifices gluttony with painstaking efforts. Once infatuated, it will sink; After all, people's hearts are like boats, and they can't bear much worry.

Qiu Datong said: "Go has figured out two words-giving up and taking. In other words, playing Go should balance two kinds of mentality-you can look down or you can dare to compete. "

Qiu Datong's words touched the mood of 1999 like a dragonfly-1999 has been full of worries mixed with those old emotions today, and now he can play chess quietly. He was angered by the words of this old enemy, so he joked: "Go is just two words, aren't those two words a draw?" How to give up? "

Qiu Datong said with a smile: "Students, stop that now and listen carefully! In Go, there must be an obsession with counting robbery, life and death, and officials. And there must be a courage to care too much about moving and transforming. "

Qiu Datong's father fell madly in love with Weiqi in the first China-Japan Weiqi Competition, and visited local Weiqi masters to teach Qiu Datong to play chess since childhood, hoping that he would become a professional chess player one day and win glory for his country.

Qiu Datong thinks that although success and glory are glorious, they are not as good as fun and fun. Therefore, Qiu Datong said that during his years of learning Go, he didn't even win glory for his father, let alone for his country. Qiu Datong also believes that people must have several unattainable ideals and goals in this life. This kind of life may not be perfect for many people, but it is very fulfilling.

After jiujiu joined Daqi Group in, he and Qiu Datong lived in the company dormitory for several years. Qiu Datong forced him to learn Go with himself in 1999, just as his father forced him to learn chess when he was a teenager.

Qiu Datong said that the mentality of Go will affect the outcome. Now the ninth year is too obsessed with the game of local forces, and it is easy to snatch and fall into confrontation. And obsession often leads to futility. If you can't let go of your obsession, you won't see the big game and you won't be able to prance well. If you have a better mentality in Go, your game level will be by going up one flight of stairs.

Speak, listen, feel the moment, be in the mood, pretend to be a good student and say, "I care about what the master said."

Qiu Datong talked about the "sewer flow" and "zombie flow" in Go with great interest, talked about the wonderful game, calculation and the transformation of strength and elegance on the board, and carefully explained to Nian Chongjiu the calculation of robbery and fairy on the board and various correct responses.

In the ninth year of this year, he was full of worries and used the topic to play: "Such a good group of young people are serious and responsible for their work, loyal to the company, and dedicated their most beautiful youth to the development of the company. Why is the company indifferent to their life and death, growth and development in the workplace? Is this the opposition between futile obsession and indifference? And between men and women, is there also a vanity obsession of one side and indifference of the other? "

Qiu Datong said, "The students are infatuated with each other again! Where there is obsession, there is indifference. Such a contradiction can not only be said to be the inequality of attitude between one party and the other. Have you thought about it? For example, something sometimes becomes our obsession, while sometimes we are indifferent to it, which is a constantly changing contradiction. The same person, the same thing, sometimes things are still the same thing, people are still that person, sometimes things are not that thing, people are not that person, jump out and think about it, whether you are stubborn or not, time will make everything boring, time will make everything interesting ... Do you understand? "

Nian Chongjiu knew that Qiu Datong was comforting himself, but he still said angrily, "It doesn't matter if you want it, it's a futile obsession;" I don't care without the ball. Like a grandson when you insist on seeking, like a grandfather when you don't care. It's just that everyone likes to beg grandpa and cares about that kind of indifference. It's just that when people turn around, they like to pretend that grandpa doesn't care about that kind of care-what do you mean? Keep a low profile, bitch! It's also cheap when it's high-profile! Perhaps this is also my obsession, or it may become a kind of indifference-for those who I can't forgive, there are still things I can't forgive. "

Qiu Datong has known him for nine years. Knowing that he remembered some sad things in the past, he couldn't bear to watch him indulge in it, so he teased him and said, "It's just a game of chess, but there are so many feelings!" Sentimental, are you in the second spring? "

In the ninth year of this year, I sighed: "It's just sad autumn, where can I fall in love with spring?"

Qiu Datong deliberately changed the subject and said, "If you don't play chess well, you will lose."

In the ninth year, he insisted on accepting the last official, saying: "I have been losing all these years-losing my emotional marriage and career ideals. If I lose this game again today, it should be the life node of stop loss! "

Perhaps there really exists such a node in life, which is a critical point similar to the freezing point and burning point in physics, and it is often the critical point for things to change shape or undergo qualitative change. As some people say, the collapse of an adult is often a matter of an instant. At this moment, all the negative things piled up to a critical value, and his world began to collapse. What is precious is that this moment may be accompanied by some kind of awakening of consciousness, so that he can start.

Nian Chongjiu is a person who doesn't shout pain easily. Even after a more unbearable experience, there is a tenacious will that is almost abused, and he is as calm as if numb. As a bosom friend, Qiu Datong also feels that his life has been ruined over the years, and his work is hard, which makes life look like robbery. Who has no pain when he is on the road to middle age? So Qiu Datong seldom comforted him, but often accompanied him.

Moreover, the scabbed wound can not be comforted, and the effect of shedding tears on the wound is the same as that of sprinkling salt on the wound. Qiu Datong didn't know where to start, so he poured tea and joked: "People become indifferent in persistence, but they learn to give up in pursuit. Just like the blind bear that walked into the cornfield, we all laughed at its stupidity, but how many people passed on its wisdom? " After all, one is not lost, and the other cannot be broken. You and I are both people who keep the years in their hearts. Why not let go of some sadness? You see, this tea soup is clear and bright, and its fragrance is pure. Really excellent golden eyebrows. What's wrong with tasting now? "

Nian Chongjiu sighed: "I still have feelings when I think about it before. It is false to say that you don't care now. At best, liberation is a superficial effort of restraint. I still feel that my heart is dry and empty, without trust and love. I can't find any hope in my heart. People are forced to take time off. " You said "enjoy the present", but enjoy the present. Is it heart or pig urine? Why are they all sour and bitter? "

Qiu Datong said, "Bitterness is sweet. If you don't put it down, it will never end. Pain is a kind of magic, futile obsession. "

Nian Chongjiu said, "Yes! Pain is just a futile obsession. Letting go of the past is the best compassion for yourself ... but even if you are sad, you will still be sad occasionally. "

After playing a game of chess with Qiu Datong, Nian Chongjiu simply ate something in the teahouse and counted it as dinner. Then they chatted over tea. After a rest, Qiu Datong pestered Chong Jiu to continue playing chess until Xiaohua called. Nian Chongjiu looked at the time and said with a smile, "Xiaohua is inspecting the post. Why don't you report your whereabouts quickly? "

Qiu Datong a face of don't care, saying, "report what? Our Lord has his own business. What's the point of living under a woman's nose? "

On the ninth day, I smiled and said, "Wow! Have ambition! Not afraid of his wife? "

Qiu Datong is manly in front of Nian Chong Jiu and refuses to answer Xiaohua's phone. Later, Xiaohua called several times. Qiu Datong simply turned off his mobile phone and kowtowed to Nian Chong Jiu: "Do you think I am afraid of my wife? I usually call it hurting my wife-but then again, women can't be spoiled blindly. The way you hurt your wife in the past was wrong. You let her know everything you do. You have no personal space and freedom at all, and you are obedient to her. You spoil her too much. She doesn't know good or bad. I think she did it later and finally ruined your's marriage. "

Nian Chongjiu said, "We can't blame her like this, but our relationship has always been very good, which is true. That marriage was like a beautiful soap bubble, shining with dazzling and beautiful colors in the sun until one day it suddenly burst. During this period, there was no fierce quarrel and discord between them. Fortunately, we have never seen the secular marriage life in which the east wind overwhelms the west wind and the west wind overwhelms the east wind. "

"What marriage, but also the east wind and west wind, why do you say these? Talk about married life as soon as it gets dark, overwhelming each other ... how are you? " Qiu Datong quickly changed the subject, piled up a bitter smile on his face, and said, "Remember what my old enemy said, a lot of things are almost enough, and half of them are just right-bloom is half-looking, his feelings are not long, any feelings are too persistent, and everything is too serious, and there is no positive result. Let go of those obsessions and liberate yourself. Life is short. When you follow your heart, it is extraordinary like me. "

Nian Chongjiu said with a smile: "You are not only liberating yourself, but also liberating yourself. You are half arbitrary and half willful. However, coquetry is the backbone, and wave strength is strength. Your two extraordinary virtues make some people in the company hate their teeth. "

Qiu Datong laughed: "I am so easy to deal with? People like Qin,, are born grandchildren. When they were dubbed monkeys, they felt they were lords. They abuse and humiliate good people at will, trample on their pain, and dreams dominate everything. They probably don't know that Lao Tzu is the real grandfather-they kept winking at me first, suggesting that I knelt down and attached myself to them, trying to buy me off and take advantage of me. How could I be so cheap? Later, they kept harassing me and trying to subdue me. Do I care? Wu Xingzhi said behind my back, my old enemy is an old ball, drooping neither soft nor hard, an obstacle and an eyesore. Ha ha laugh ... I am an old ball. Is he a good bird? "

"When I was in a bad mood today, I thought of some past events. Hey! Itchy in my heart, I can't help scratching; Obsession is addictive and difficult to give up. On the way home from work, I was still thinking that there will be no peace anywhere, and philosophy still advocates the harmony and unity of contradictions, just as it is not a good thing for couples not to quarrel. I think you and Xiaohua are also cold for three days and fried for five days, and your mouth is not idle, but your relationship is very stable. This may be the so-called love killing, right? Those people in the company seduce you and tease you. This is also a relationship. Really like love. " Nian Jiujiu joked with a smile.

Qiu Datong said with a smile, "Since it is very much like love, naturally someone will make peace with them, but I will go to the mud? That is a rotten peach blossom disguised as love! Don't talk about people during the day and ghosts at night. Forget these ghosts. By the way, how is your personal problem? I didn't see you yesterday either. Where have you been mysteriously? Did you go to some rotten peach blossoms? Xiaohua is still trying to introduce you. "

Nian Chongjiu joked: "Xiaohua introduced me to make up for your sins. Do you remember my first girlfriend in college? It is because of the one who broke up after you recruited me into this company. Where did she hear that I had a bad life in the past two years and came back from abroad to visit me? "

"You are so sentient beings have righteousness, separated by me? You're holding a shit bowl on my head again. But don't just focus on your work. It's time to solve your personal problems. I am waiting for your second spring. " Qiu Datong smiled sharply again: "You are all addicted to fighting each other, especially naked physical fighting. Did she come back to take advantage? " Xiaohua introduced you to someone who has nothing to do with me? She's afraid you're hungry! "

In the ninth year, he smiled and waved his hand and said lazily, "Bullshit! Don't think too much, I'm not that hungry and vulgar. I haven't touched a woman for almost two years, and I have forgotten what it tastes like. "

"What's that smell?" Qiu Datong flashed lewd eyes and made fun cunningly.

"It's just your smell." Nian Chongjiu jumped up with a smile, hugged Qiu Datong's waist across the chair, opened the buckle on Qiu Datong's belt with his fingers, and pulled out Qiu Datong's belt with a swish. He smiled and said, "Maybe there will really be a love story of killing each other tonight, maybe it will be a love accident!" "

Unknown so, the enemy of Datong, said with a smile, "What a coincidence. You also said that you haven't touched a woman for almost two years. Coaxing bodhisattva is really nonsense. Don't you see which temple you entered? "

"To tell you the truth, Xiaohua just sent me a message and asked if you were with me. Am I the kind of person who betrays my brother's whereabouts? I won't tell her. Let her guess, brother. I call it keeping my mouth shut. My mouth is much tighter than your belt. Isn't that interesting? Haha ..... "Nian Chongjiu patted Qiu Datong's ass twice with a smile and said," I took your belt. You have to figure out how to talk nonsense to Xiaohua, like a bodhisattva! " In the ninth year, I slipped off the belt of Autumn Datong and roared out of the teahouse.

No wonder Xiaohua dared not answer the phone with a sly smile when he kept calling just now. At that time, he also turned off his cell phone to show off his bravado ... Qiu Datong reacted and chased him out with his waistband, stamping his feet when he drove away.

When I came home in 1999, my son Lele was listening to his grandfather telling a bedtime story. Nian Jiujiu stroked his son's head and said, "Young man, did you have a good time in kindergarten today?"

Lele said, "Happy! I met new friends and learned new games in kindergarten today. In the evening, grandma made my favorite mixed cucumber, and grandpa taught me two more Tang poems. The story grandpa told today is very nice. Dad, please listen with me. "

Nian Chongjiu said, "Grandpa is tired all day. Let dad tell you a story and chat with you for a while, okay? "

"Let Grandpa tell me the story and talk for another ten minutes." Lele didn't wait for the ninth day to speak, but he stretched out his index finger and said seriously, "But ten minutes can't be that fast!" " "

"Ten minutes is not that fast" is a phrase that Lele often uses to delay and excuse when asked to end the game or turn off the cartoon in another ten minutes. As children grow up, their self-awareness becomes stronger and stronger. Not easy to fool. He looked at Lele happily, chatted with him before going to bed after listening to the story, and put him to sleep.

Lele was lying in bed and suddenly asked, "Dad, what's the slogan?"

Nian Chongjiu thought for a moment and said, "Slogan is a mutually encouraging sentence agreed by two or more people."

Lele said: "we learned the class slogan in kindergarten today, but I want to have a slogan with my father that belongs to both of us." Grandpa said that you are very hard and need encouragement most. "

The cute little guy seems to instantly become a warm-hearted big boy. After a while, he felt warm. He thought for a moment and said to his son, "Let's call our slogan' Work hard and make continuous progress'. Because we all have to look forward, stay healthy and happy, keep growing and progressing, and get better and better, right? "

Lele nodded and told Nian Chongjiu about the games he played in kindergarten and the friends he knew. Before long, he slowly fell asleep. After putting his son to sleep, he is used to chatting with his parents before going to bed for a long time. This man with a serious and tough appearance and a delicate and soft heart longs for a calm and warm inner world. After his divorce, his parents came to this small town in the south of the Yangtze River from their hometown in the north to live with him, help with the housework and accompany him to spend the lonely, cold and dark period of inner emptiness.

Nian Chongjiu said: "The climate here is not like the north, and the temperature is repeated. Especially when the season changes into autumn, we should pay more attention to our health. In the past two years, I have suffered a lot, disturbing your clean life and dragging you down. "

"Don't worry, we are in good health. No matter in my hometown or here, a family together is home. Your mother and I are very happy to watch the children grow up day by day. Where can a clean and white life be compared with family happiness? The child is very clever. When I teach him Tang poetry, I usually read it again and tell it again, so that he can recite it. " Father has a calm personality and quiet words. My mother loves to nag. She keeps saying that it's not too hard to be nine years old, and she should pay more attention to the right people around her and solve personal emotional problems as soon as possible.

After his parents went to sleep, at the age of 9 1, he sat alone in the living room and watched TV at will by pressing the remote control. During this period, Xiaohua called and asked Qiu Datong if he had played chess with him tonight. His tone is skeptical, but he is eager for affirmation. It feels like a firecracker that doesn't want to explode waiting to be put out. The phone was also mixed with Qiu Datong's earnest words: "Brother, you have to tell the truth."

These two people are really noisy. They are happy, but they play the fool fully distracted. "What is the chess game?" I'm tired of watching TV. "Qiu Datong's desperate wail came from the phone:" Smelly Laojiu, why don't you stand up for righteousness ... "After saying his word, the phone hung up, as if I saw the little flower being lit in an instant.

Many things have no place to defend themselves, just like the feelings between people, which are more subtle and unreasonable. For example, Nian Chongjiu and Qiu Datong often make fun of each other, and occasionally feel that the other party is uncomfortable, but the relationship will not be bad, while with some other colleagues, the relationship will not be good; Another example is Qiu Datong and Xiaohua, quarrelsome friends. After the quarrel, they will still live happily together, but their relationship with their ex-wife Meng is so fragile.

On New Year's Eve, I took a bath in music. After lying in bed, I am used to tossing and turning and thinking aimlessly. Qiu Datong repeatedly advised himself to let go of his obsession and liberate himself, but during this period, did I suffer less? Maybe if you endure it, you will feel relieved, just like frying tea. If you don't endure the heat, your obsession won't evaporate, and the fragrance of a man with rich experience and mature personality won't come out. I just don't know, will it be another long night?

Emotions are all-encompassing, why should we focus on suffering? People are broad-minded, so there is no need to cling to it. In September of 1999, I remembered what Qiu Datong said about watching the big game. In fact, isn't life around happiness now? There are loving parents, sensible, intelligent, healthy and happy children and considerate and caring friends. Although there are regrets in life, how can we enjoy and appreciate the beauty of life if we always indulge in those regrets and taste bitterness? Just like a beautiful woman, there will inevitably be slight flaws on her face. If you just stare at her flaws, you can't appreciate her colorful beauty, and you will inevitably have disfigured regrets and entanglements in your heart.

Draw a stop-loss life node, which will be another taste of life in the future. Thinking about Qiu Datong and Mo's expectations of themselves, I felt too much emotion in my heart. It would be better to have such a good friend, but I still live up to expectations. I seldom complain to my friends. My bad mood is contagious. If I always pour bitter water on my friends for comfort, it will ruin my friends and humiliate myself. What's the point of hanging your head and feeling dejected together?

In the ninth year, I remembered what Qiu Datong said, and I couldn't help smiling bitterly, thinking that Kobanawa's old enemy didn't know what was going on tonight.

Take a deep breath on the ninth anniversary, and I feel as if something that has been rooted for a long time suddenly becomes relaxed and comfortable. I deeply feel that there are countless pouring tiredness intertwined, winding myself gently and smoothly like silk, slowly stretching my body curled up in the quilt and gently ironing my breath. ...

It turns out that fatigue is so gentle, as gentle as a warm embrace.