Campus humor

Take off your pants in front of female classmates, and lesbians call me a hooligan.

Teacher's quotation: "hooligans are not terrible, but they are afraid that hooligans have no culture!" " So you should study hard, make progress every day, and strive to be the four hooligans with "culture, knowledge and talent"! "

Second grade of primary school:

Pat a female classmate on the head!

Teacher's quotation: "Don't hit her, don't scold her, torture her with feelings!" " It is the highest level of flirting with girls. You should try to improve your flirting taste. "

The third grade of primary school:

Touching the face of a female classmate was scratched by a female classmate!

Teacher's quotation: "Love is precious, life is more expensive, green hills are there, and there is no fear of firewood!" " Remember, cherish life and stay away from beautiful women! "

Someone sent a message to a friend saying, "I want to send you a red envelope!" " "He was happy, but later he was unhappy. The next page of the original text message reads: "I sent a mosquito. "

Fourth grade of primary school:

Holding the hand of a female classmate was rejected, and her academic performance plummeted!

Teacher's Quotation: "There are thousands of Chinese sons and daughters Qian Qian, and none of them can be changed. What you didn't pick was just a flower in spring. The whole spring still belongs to you. Don't lose heart. You must fight and fail again and again! "

Fifth grade in primary school

If you can't flirt with female classmates, you will be molested!

Teacher's quotation: "Boys are not hooligans, and their development is abnormal. You have been molested by girls, which shows that you have a future than ordinary boys."

In the sixth grade of primary school, I was sent to Nanjie Middle School (a graduate of 40 people) in the county seat with the 38th grade, and started my middle school career.

Junior high school 1 grade, I met senior experts such as Jin Yong and Gu Long, and every day I fantasized that I was the protagonist in the book and had a pure relationship with MM in the book.

In the second day of junior high school, I returned to reality and paid attention to the beautiful women in my class (I already have aesthetic ability), but the original, shy and sinful ideas in my mind have sprouted.

It was not until the third grade of junior high school that I really realized the true meaning of Grandpa's sentence "study hard and go to school every day" (eight-character mantra, destroy people without volume). . . . Fortunately, I stopped my heartbeat in time and saved my handsome face. Crazy study, admitted to the county's third high school (there are three high schools in this county, the first two are the key. . . . . )

When I was in Grade 3 1, I used 1 of my life to write a love letter to the girl I admired for a long time, and I felt that she was a little interested in me. . Unfortunately, just when I was scared as sweet as a deer, the class teacher called me to the office and took out the love letter from the drawer. . . . . . .

When I was a sophomore, I chose a liberal arts class. The ratio of girls to boys was 4: 1, and all the beautiful women ignored me. . . .

When I was in senior three, I heard my brother next door tell me about college life. The next day, I picked up a book and began to review crazily, vowing to be admitted to the university and to "work hard, study hard and contribute to the construction" (I don't think so, universities can fall in love freely and live together illegally. . . . . Wait a minute. . . . )

There is no denying that I am a genius. Although I was not accepted voluntarily by 1, No.2 (1, filled in 3 places in Tsinghua, No.2 Peking University), I received the admission notice from XX Agricultural University. So I put my luggage on my back, jumped on the train and came to my dream university campus. I want to be a successful man when I start my college career, because successful men are busy with JB during the day and JB at night; A loser has nothing to do during the day and nothing to do at night. So, I want to be a successful person.

Da 1 Standing in front of a nude painting in the school art exhibition, he kept telling himself, "This is art, and I am aesthetic." But the excellent performance of a certain part of my body betrayed me.

The person you like is taken, and the person you like is terrible. . So I said, "I stayed up all night surfing the Internet. I went to bed as soon as I entered the classroom. I called home by phone and didn't say anything about asking for money."

When I was the only monk left in the dormitory, I finally had a formal girlfriend. In a sweet love, she wants me to be naked, and I want her to be naked. . . . . . . . . . It is true that men love for sex and women have sex for love.

My grandmother is still in the countryside. Since I was admitted to the university, my grandmother always said to me every time I went back, "The plots of land at home and this yard are all for you." At that time, I laughed at my grandmother's old age. But seeing the employment situation this year and the graduate students and doctoral students all over the street, I finally realized my grandmother's foresight and good intentions. ...

With my diploma and resume, I got something from the recruitment center that hardly overwhelmed me. I got on a tricycle, and the driver of the tricycle asked me, "Are you a graduate of XX Agricultural University this year?" I said, "What a coincidence, I am a graduate of XX Agricultural University in the 88th session, and pointed to an old man wearing shoes on the roadside:" That elder brother was earlier, in the class of 77th ". I almost fell off a tricycle.

When I got home, I watched my laid-off father repair his bike in the street. My fired mother is selling fruit. Father smokes inferior cigarettes and his hands are covered with oil. Mother's wrinkles have already climbed up her face under the wind and sun, and her hair has turned white. I looked at my parents carefully for the first time in 23 years, and suddenly I felt like crying. "Over the years, they lived like this, saving money for me to go to that damn university. And I ... people always regret when they are scarred, but the rules of the game have changed at this time, and life is like this. I left the little red book I bought for four years of youth in the corner, rolled up my sleeves and helped my father push the cart. From now on, I will pay my debts.