Why don't I stay in Shanghai and go home?

Chatting with zb that day, he said, "My wife wants me to go back to my hometown. She said how much money someone at home made."

"I don't want to go back. I want my wife to come to Shanghai. "

"I have been in Shanghai for so many years, and I have become accustomed to my present work and life. I'm under a lot of pressure now, although the monthly average is more than 10000. I have to pay the down payment, the mortgage, my wife and children, my rent and expenses in Shanghai, and my salary is not enough. "

"As long as my wife can come to Shanghai, I don't ask much of her. She can find a job of 3,000 yuan, which is enough for her to spend. "

"I especially envy your husband. You are so good at making money (in fact, my salary is not as high as his). Your husband is really lucky to find you! "

I said, "Every family has its own problems. In fact, I envy your wife very much. She doesn't have to worry about anything and has time to spend with her children. " This is my truth, and I especially envy mothers with children.

One day, my college classmate and male girlfriend zj told me excitedly: "nikki, I bought a house in Shanghai, and it was a pure provident fund loan. I borrowed all the down payment and bought my wife a house in Shanghai. I also want to fight for myself, so that my children will not be dragged down when I am old. "

I admire him very much, starting from scratch step by step, so practical, so difficult!

Jm said, "Two years ago, my daughter was in my husband's hometown, and my mother-in-law helped me. I can't stand the thought of not seeing my daughter every day. I said to my husband: I will give you two years. If you can buy a house in Shanghai, I will accompany you to live in Shanghai. If you can't buy a house in Shanghai, we will go to your hometown or my hometown. "

"I can't accept that my children are not with me. A year ago, my husband sold the house in his hometown and paid a down payment in Shanghai. At that time, we only had enough money to repay the loan and barely make ends meet. I just bought a car this year, with a down payment of 50,000 and a loan of more than 70,000, which is convenient for picking up and dropping off children. "

I said, "Your husband loves you so much. How brave he is! "

She said, "What's his skill? It's not entirely his business. "

But I still envy them. At least one family got together and bought a house and a car in Shanghai.

Jm said, "I admire you very much. Don't you miss your daughter because she hasn't been with you for so many years? " I won't go back to my hometown for a long time! "

"You should put some pressure on your husband to buy a house in Shanghai and take your daughter over."

I smiled and said, "Your husband wants to stay in Shanghai, and my family wants to stay in Shanghai. The house is not my problem, but there is no one to share family responsibilities with me. There is no house to take my daughter to Shanghai, but in the end, the pressure is all mine. I can't take care of my family and work, and I can't work nine to six like you. "

That day, wj's wife told me, "My daughter will go back to her hometown for a while, which wj can't think of." I don't think so. I can be quiet when my daughter goes back to her hometown. "

A few days later, I saw wj posting many photos of his daughter in the circle of friends, saying, "My little cotton-padded jacket is back", which was praised by a bunch of people below.

I also envy wj's wife, having a husband who loves children so much. Their annual salary adds up to hundreds of thousands, but his wife still feels that living in Shanghai is very stressful. She always wanted to sell her house in Shanghai and go back to her hometown, but wj didn't want to.

Someone asked me, "Why don't you go back? Going back can lead a better life, you can accompany your daughter, and your daughter doesn't have to be a left-behind child. "

I said, "I have never regretted staying in Shanghai. At least now I'm in charge of my life, no matter whether I prefer boys to girls in my hometown or not, I have the final say. I am financially independent and I am not worried about whether my husband will leave me in the future. "

Unfortunately, many of my ideas have never influenced my husband. Over the years, I gradually got used to fighting many things alone. This may be what my mother often tells me: "Destiny takes a hand". Maybe I am the one who is "doomed" to have no parents and children, so they are not with me.

Someone told me, "In the past, some people in China sold their houses in order to go abroad, and even borrowed money to go abroad for gold and study. This is much more difficult than if you want to stay in Shanghai now. Many of them persisted, started businesses, bought houses, emigrated and settled abroad. Their children became China people and gradually integrated into local life. Now there is no threshold for foreigners in Shanghai. Come as long as you want. If you can work in Shanghai from a small place and get married and have children here, you must find a way to stay here. Let children receive education in Shanghai, broaden their horizons and let children go higher and further in the future. "

These words she said are deeply branded in my heart.

I used to chat with my aunt who was a sanitation worker, my aunt who looked at public toilets and my aunt who opened a breakfast shop. They have been talking about Shanghai for more than twenty years. Their children go to school in Shanghai and get married in Shanghai. An aunt's child also bought a house in Shanghai and helped the child pick up and drop off when he was busy at work.

I am thinking: they are the lowest people in this society. They can make their children stay in Shanghai to study and develop in Shanghai through their own efforts and persistence. Why can't I?

I asked them, "Why don't you go back to your hometown to support the elderly?"

They said, "The children are all in Shanghai, so why go back? If we don't go back, where are the children, we will be there. "

Like them, I tried to prove with time that it was ok for me to stay in this city.

I may be able to buy a house in Shanghai in less than 20 years. Maybe I will be 40 years old in five years or 10, 10.

We can't choose comfort at the age when we should struggle most. We should stick to it for ourselves and for our children.

I wrote this article on April 30th, 20 15, and it was my most authentic mental journey at that time. At that time, my daughter had not come to Shanghai and stayed at home. She came to Shanghai to attend primary school this year. Now look at these words written by myself. The anxiety, confusion and hesitation at that time seemed to be in front of us.

Facts have proved that my insistence is right and we are getting better and better.