Should parents of only children immigrate with their children?

The full text is taken from the official account of Beckmann WeChat.

Yesterday, a domestic friend called me and traveled across the ocean to ask if I should immigrate with my son. His children have passed the naturalization test, and there is only one child in the family. His son applied for them to come to the United States together, otherwise he wouldn't be at ease that his parents would stay alone in China without being taken care of.

They are tempted, but they are also worried. They are worried that their family relationship will change after emigrating overseas. They are afraid that their son's feelings with them will gradually fade in the future, and they are even more afraid that, like the parents and children of many immigrants, they will eventually embark on the road of family destruction.

I hesitated for a long time, and finally decided to speak my mind frankly.

Whether to immigrate to the United States with children depends on the specific situation. If I decide to follow, as an experienced person, my experience is as follows:

0 1

Have an economic foundation for independent living.

Whether you live with your children in advance or not, if possible, buy a separate house, not necessarily big, closer to your children's home. An apartment is more suitable. Property management, personal worry is limited. When living with children, the house can be rented, and the rent subsidizes your life. If you find it inconvenient to live together, or there are signs of contradiction, you can move out as soon as possible, and live independently when you are in a good mood to maintain the quality of your family.

02

Face up to the differences between China and the United States

There are not only geographical differences between China and the United States, but also differences in values, culture and customs. Family ties are not exactly the same as those in China, so we can't get along with the attitude of domestic parents towards their children.

If you live together, you need to give your child some living expenses based on the principle of understanding and tolerance. Don't think about how much you have paid for your children before, but feel at ease and let your children fully bear the cost of living together. On the one hand, unless American families are very rich, most of them are ordinary families, and the middle class is under pressure. It's hard to make ends meet by eating with one or two mouths out of thin air. On the other hand, the family is not a person, and the other half who has long borne the parents' living expenses must have ideas, which will also cause family conflicts. Human nature itself is very complicated and can't stand the test, even for the closest relatives and beloved children.

03

Think of the investment in children as the past tense.

No matter how much you have paid for your children, you have paid, and that has become the past. You should tell and remind yourself that he has no obligation to remember and no responsibility to return. What he wants to remember is his mutual affection. If you don't want to remember, there is no reason to blame. Parents of immigrant families, the most taboo is never to forget what they have paid, and often mentioning these contributions to their children will only disgust their children and accelerate the indifference of immigrant families.

04

Stay out of the children's family affairs.

Whether it is educating the third generation or children's lifestyle, it is their own responsibility and right, and parents only need to respect it. I believe that the wisdom of the next generation will never be worse than ours. They have the ability to handle family and marriage well. All we can do is bless!

05

Keep a certain economic distance from your children.

Hold on to your roots and don't have close economic ties with your children. No matter how much money you have, don't tell your children without reservation, and don't take out your money to help your children when they ask for help. Economic strength is an important factor to maintain overseas family ties, which may not be too high, but this is the social reality, and the economic foundation determines the superstructure. If you spend all your money and expect that one day your children will do the same to you when you need it, it is basically impossible and you will only be heartbroken in the end. This has nothing to do with whether the child is good or not, but has a lot to do with human nature and the child's economy. When you lend a helping hand to others, your feelings are different from those when you lend a helping hand to others, and so are your children. Remember, who has it is not as good as who has it! This is the experience gained by countless immigrant parents with the lessons of blood.

06

Keep a certain psychological distance from your child.

Keep a certain psychological distance from children and get along with friends. Move overseas, he is your child, but not exactly. He is also someone else's wife or husband, father or mother. He has the family and people he cares about most. Whether we like it or not, we must admit that we are no longer the focus of his life, we are just passers-by. We are grateful for his filial piety. We are considerate of his negligence. Parents and children are a lifelong fate. If you want to sing this song well and sing it all your life, you need immigrant parents to be more enlightened and wise.

07

Learn some English, get a driver's license and buy your own car.

If possible, you must learn some daily English, learn to drive and buy a car, which will not add too much burden to your children, and at the same time you can live freely in a foreign country. The United States is an independent country, and so are the elderly. It is hard to say that they are happy because they depend on others, even their own children.

The above may be too rational, but if you don't have the basic conditions, you can't make certain mental and material preparations. Personally, I don't think it's suitable to immigrate to the United States with your children, and it's a chicken feather to reluctantly come to the follow-up life. ?

I have experienced many ups and downs and adjustments since I immigrated. Now I live with my daughter. My son-in-law is Jewish, and we give her two thousand dollars a month just for living expenses. Actually, we eat Chinese food and they eat western food. Most of the daily necessities and food are bought by ourselves. Our daughter and son-in-law are respectful and polite to us, and our little grandson is lovely and sensible and close to us. Our family lived happily together for eight years. At first, after all the little guys went to college, we moved to an apartment and lived alone.

Some experiences, just personal experiences, may not be suitable for all immigrant families.

Whether to immigrate with their children or stay in China is an extremely difficult choice for our generation of only-child parents.