What is the essence of marriage?

What is the essence of marriage? Intimacy mainly includes family, friendship, love and other most important emotional relationships in life. There are all kinds of situations in married life. The essence of marriage is the love of two people, and all couples are familiar with each other. Let's look at the nature of marriage and related information.

What is the essence of marriage?

Some people say that marriage is a contract;

Some people say that marriage is an intimate love and killing;

Others say that marriage is about strength, not truth.

There is never a fixed answer to this open question. But these answers, to some extent, also explain the essence of marriage very aptly. In a word, all marriages should be based on equality.

What are the conditions for an equal marriage?

The answer is, principle.

And the scale of these principles, as a woman, should be understood before marriage.

Love can't be too full, leave three points to love yourself.

What is the best state of love?

I like a sentence by Tu Lei: "Love is incomparable, too much is debt, too little is resentment. Love seven points is enough, and the remaining three points love yourself. "

In other words, love cannot be too full.

Because love is too full, it may end in tragedy.

There are many such real cases.

During the Republic of China, Zhang Ailing fell in love with the traitor Hu Lancheng. Even though she fell in love with dust, she was finally abandoned cruelly.

At the peak of his career, Brigitte Lin waited for 10 years in Qin and Han Dynasties, but even after his divorce, he was still not with Brigitte Lin.

Joey Wong, who is famous for Ghost Stories, has been waiting for Chyi Chin for many years. Now Chyi Chin is married, but Joey Wong is still single.

Several of them paid without reservation, but in the end they were bitten by love and hurt themselves. It took a long time to heal itself. In the final analysis, it is because I love myself so much that I have no spare space to love myself.

Therefore, every woman should not give her love to each other without reservation. If you love someone again and attach to someone again, you must leave yourself a way out. Once overdone, or overexert, it will be counterproductive and suffer.

Just like "The Second Time is Beautiful", which is very popular this year.

Olivia's heroine sacrificed her career for love and marriage and chose to be a housewife. In the end, she was kicked out of the rich family.

The reason is that you love and trust someone too much.

As a result, I fell into a quagmire and had to save myself.

Miyazaki Hayao once concluded:

"Don't rely on a person easily, it will become your habit. When parting comes, what you lose is not someone, but your spiritual pillar. Whenever and wherever, you should learn to walk independently, which will make you walk more calmly. "

Loving someone is never equal to losing yourself.

Once you lose yourself, you lose the qualification to be liked.

Learn to love others, but also learn to love yourself, which is a necessary condition for the preservation of marriage and love.

Talk about money before marriage and protect property.

Someone once asked on the Zhihu: "Why does a good marriage have to talk about money?"

One answer has been well received by netizens:

"Because every marriage often begins with love, but ends with life, which fails to meet each other's material needs, even the best feelings are mostly like castles in the air without foundation."

Whether we admit it or not, money is the foundation of marriage.

Talking about money before marriage is not an embarrassing thing. As a woman, talking about money with her husband is not only to protect her rights and interests, but also to lay a good foundation for future marriage.

I still remember a letter from a female reader two days ago.

The girl said that before getting married, when the two families talked about the bride price, the boyfriend's family always said that there was no money. She thought that she would marry him anyway, so she kept persuading her parents that the bride price dropped again and again, from the original 654.38+ million to 30,000. Finally, because of pregnancy, I only took 6.5438+0 million. Moreover, all the money in my hand was given to my boyfriend to buy three gold to fill the vacancy.

After pregnancy, the girl resigned and gave birth at home because she had no money. Everything she wants to buy depends on her in-laws' faces, and she will even be choked by her in-laws from time to time. My husband's family is like marrying a cheap daughter-in-law, and I don't cherish it at all.

Girls' stories, I think, are not uncommon in life-very real and realistic.

Therefore, sometimes when talking about money, it is not money, but people's hearts. Money is not only a need in life, but also a decisive condition for a man to be responsible for marriage.

If you don't want your marriage to be a daily necessities, if you don't want to be a "nanny" in your marriage, then please be sure to talk about money.

Talking about money is to let you see this marriage better.

Talking about money is also to prevent yourself from living without retreat.

Don't be too soft, there should be "thorns"

A good marriage should not only learn to love yourself, but also learn to talk about money.

More importantly, don't let others tell you what to do and occupy your site at will.

Let me tell you a moral story first, which is called "Camels push their luck".

On a cold winter night, a camel approached an Arab tent. The kind Arab can't stand the cold of the camel, let it stick its head in. Before long, the camels kept stuffing things on their necks, front legs and whole bodies until the Arabs were pushed away.

To sum up by borrowing a famous saying from Emerson: "Your kindness must be sharp, otherwise it is equal to zero."

This story reflects not only the communication between people, but also a marriage relationship.

Love and marriage are the process of mutual intervention. If the personality is too soft, it is easy to be squeezed by the other party to have no living space.

Just like a video I saw online before.

A girl loves a boy, so humble that there is no principle. What about men? Not satisfied at all, tick off three and take four outside. The girl's brother used a trick to let her see the truth clearly and warned her: "At any time, don't treat your love as connivance for each other. The kinder the girl, the sharper she should be. "

Indeed, without the principle of bottom line, you are doomed to be unable to defend your dignity.

The same applies before marriage. If you are weak and compromise from the beginning, there is no bottom line, which will only make the other side push your luck. On the contrary, it is not a bad thing to have thorns on your body. It will be the best armor for you to enter the marriage siege.

Just like Wei in Yan Xi Palace, she has her own dignity and bottom line. When she first entered the palace, she said humbly, "I was born with a bad temper and I am not easy to provoke." If someone complains, I have plenty of ways to deal with her. "

What is the essence of marriage? Marriage is actually the product of comprehensive needs.

First, sexual needs. Talking about marriage can't avoid the topic of human sexual needs, because this is a physiological need and an inevitable need after adulthood.

Second, the need to carry on the family line.

Third, marriage itself is immersed in human yearning and expectation for a better life.

Fourth, marriage is a life experience. It is a life process in which two people support each other, tolerate each other and pay each other. Not a holy temple, it must be able to "shelter evil people from evil practices", otherwise "water is clear and there is no fish". It is not the grave of love. As long as two people care about each other instead of always looking at each other with critical eyes, marriage is still a very warm "lover's villa".

Fifth, the essence of marriage is that two people live in partnership, which requires both of them to have a sense of responsibility, and they should respect each other and need each other in life. If one day you refuse to make progress with your lover, you may be eliminated one day in the future!

Sixth, marriage is the art of compromise. Blindly strong, will hurt each other, but also hurt themselves, so some people say that the perfect marriage exists between a blind wife and a deaf husband. This sentence sounds harsh! But showed great wisdom!

Thank you for inviting me. This topic is a bit big. I've been thinking about it for a long time. Maybe no one can give an accurate description. Everyone has a different understanding of marriage, so his answer may be different.

Wide or narrow, idealistic or realistic. They are all more individualistic. Personally, I understand that the essence of marriage is the standardized satisfaction of needs and the correctness of life after birth on the road of exploring the meaning of life.

It includes physical and psychological needs and spiritual pursuit. Whether starting from love or satisfying selfish desires, your marriage is based on meeting each other's real needs.

However, huge human beings have such needs, which in turn has formed certain social norms and formed a moral norm and legal system about marriage. So marriage is actually a contract. This requires everyone to have the spirit of contract.

Many people's marriages begin with love. Come together with the same or similar values, move towards the same goal, and form a life of solidarity. Those marriages that are combined to satisfy selfish desires can only be regarded as naked transactions.

The significance of marriage lies in the orderly norms of society, which makes everyone have the spirit of contract and promotes the continuous continuation, progress and development of human society. On a personal level, your love can be continued and sublimated. The narrowest statement is that men and women are matched and work is not tiring. This is the most basic and fundamental existence.

What is the essence of marriage? Marriage is actually just a kind of interpersonal relationship. It is not an instinctive need, nor is it like eating, drinking and breathing. It is by no means what everyone needs. Just too many people don't understand this truth.

Some people like spicy food, others like sweet food, and Sichuan food has become the mainstream. People are forcing people who eat sweets to find a Sichuan restaurant and get a lifetime card.

The person who courted you felt that he was doing a good deed of redemption, and you realized that you had just experienced the signs of running towards tragedy after you escaped the noise of persecution with compromise. But those who show kindness have long since disappeared.

We should think about these problems from the opposite direction, so that we can see some truths positively. For example, divorce does not mean failure, then marriage does not mean success in life.

Those who urge others to get married quickly when there is nothing to do have a strange value, that is, to bring people together and do things well.

Why do so many people force their children or even people who are far behind to get married with a sad expression? In fact, these people are not necessarily forced to get married. They are used to forcing everything "different" into "the same".

For those who have been disciplined since childhood and must be the majority in order to avoid disasters, their lifestyles and choices are different from those of most people, and they are afraid. These people are used to norms such as group exercise. If someone is labeled as a maverick, they will feel that they have a moral obligation to help him get his life back on track. This is a difficulty in their blood.

Therefore, those who are forced to get married are not forcing you, they just can't get through their own hurdles. They need you as an intermediary to complete the step of self-discipline.

Knowing this, you will know that you can't convince them and don't let them change you, so, hehe, avoidance is the best way. Don't be embarrassed. Being kind doesn't mean being manipulated. Remember, all people who force you to live a life you don't want are bad people, no matter how kind they seem.

They won't pay for your future. When one day you need to clean up the mistakes they made to you, those people will not come to help you, but will only hide aside and regard your pain as the freshest talk in a mediocre life.

Objectively speaking, they didn't mean it, but their habits decided this way of life.

Understand this step and you will get rid of some troubles. Then, make a self-assessment to see if you are suitable for marriage. Whether you are in an intimate relationship, you can ask yourself.

So, when is the right time to get married? When you think it's a small matter.

The rhetoric of "great events in life" in the context of China's cultural tradition is really terrible, and its grand narrative almost exaggerates the changes brought about by marriage into an accident. It makes people full of unrealistic expectations or fears about marriage.

The marriageable age of most people is almost in their own transition period, between independence and semi-independence. They haven't completely lost their youth and become sophisticated. They have a clear outline of the world, but they know nothing about the real face of the world.

At this time, I have to make a choice, called "life event", and I am still an irreplaceable protagonist. How many people are willing to be placed in this atmosphere?

Marriage is just an adjustment of living conditions, not a complete break with the past and re-implantation of a new system. It doesn't have such subversive things. You will find that after marriage, your mind will not change qualitatively and you will not grow another head.

Therefore, in the process of growing up, you should gradually make yourself understand that marriage is really a small matter in life. When you no longer face it with a sacred, solemn and tragic attitude, it is the time to really walk into it.

And it's interesting that when you really think it's a small thing in life, it means you're an adult to some extent.

Marriage must be a matter for two adults, not adults in the legal sense, but adults in the psychological level. Different from the legal provisions, psychological maturity varies from person to person. It is no exaggeration to say that some people are still children at the age of 30.

The meanings of adults include: economic independence, spiritual self-reliance, knowing how to be peaceful when dealing with people, also knowing how to maintain inner personality, having stable inner boundaries, having stable values, knowing how to enjoy freedom and self-discipline, knowing how to tolerate others, and rejecting people and things that you don't like in an appropriate and decent way; For what you love, you should know that you earned it by yourself, not asking others to pay.

Such a person can't be too bad. But looking around carefully, how many people can really meet these?

China's cultural and educational system has produced a disastrous consequence, that is, from adolescence to adolescence, parents, schools and society are desperately suppressing all signs of a person becoming an adult, regardless of mental discipline or physical abstinence.

But when they reach the marriageable age recognized by the public, they mature immediately, as if they had to become mentally mature and responsible men and women overnight. How is that possible?

To some extent, many disastrous outcomes in China's marriage relationship are the sequela of this disease. Before they mature, they are pushed into a kind of interpersonal relationship that requires a mature mind.

Not to mention deeper spiritual practice. Let's talk about the most practical life first. Except for the special immigrant cities such as Beishangguang, young people in most other cities lack the experience of living alone.

They made a direct transition from family of origin to a two-person family, but the process of living alone, trial and error, searching, self-correction and coping with the real world alone was extremely important and almost necessary, but this kind of life was artificially completely deleted.

Sometimes it's because of economic reasons, and sometimes it's because of China's repressive principle of turning adults into children. Born into a family, I personally created some tragic roots. Let young people be thrown into marriage without experiencing the process of real jointing growth.

To some extent, the tragedy of many marriages in China is that two children play house instead of two adults.