What effect does parents' prejudice have on children?

Sister smashed the bowl on her brother's head, and the bowl broke her head. She said angrily, "If you beat and scold me again, I will beat him!"! I will kill him one day! "

This is a story told by one of my netizens. From an early age, my parents preferred sons to daughters, especially my younger brother, and treated my sister as a servant girl.

This elder sister is not a weak person. When she is older, she will do what she should do, but she will never do what she shouldn't do, even if her parents beat her half to death.

For example, helping my brother with his homework, my brother threatened her: "If you don't help me with my homework, I will tell my father that you hit me!" " "

No matter how threatened her brother was, she still refused to help him with his homework.

Because of the parents' partiality, no matter what my brother says, they all think that she is often wronged by her parents.

For example, my brother broke a bowl or a mobile phone, and they all complained to their parents that it was broken by their sister.

Her parents always beat her indiscriminately and forced her to admit it. It is not her fault, and she refuses to admit it.

When she was thirteen, her ten-year-old brother got into trouble again, but first he complained to his parents that it was her fault.

Her parents really hit her, and she was very angry. As soon as her parents stopped her, she grabbed a bowl and hit her brother on the head.

My parents were furious and rushed to hit her. She said coldly, "You either kill me today, or you will kill him if you don't kill me!"

My parents were frightened. Although they prefer boys to girls, they don't want to cause any death. They are even more afraid that when they are not at home, their daughters will retaliate against their sons.

Since then, they have never hit their daughter again, and they are polite to her.

But this daughter still can't feel the love of her parents, but her parents spoil her brother to the bone.

She worked hard to succeed and impress her parents.

However, the harm of being born in a family made her feel loveless and insecure after marriage?

If her husband doesn't come home on time after work, she will be in a panic, constantly calling to remind her that her husband is back and complaining noisily.

We often quarreled, lost our feelings, and finally embarked on the road of divorce.

But she works hard, living alone outside, buying a house and a car.

Her younger brother, on the other hand, idles around, does nothing, does not go to work, and stays at home every day.

So her parents asked her to help her brother buy a house, but she refused. Her parents were angry and broke up with her.

A few years ago, my mother found her again and said that her father had cancer and had no money to treat it.

She relented and took out all her savings to treat her father.

Until now, she has been desperately making money to treat her father, and her parents finally realized that their preference for sons was wrong.

So it is no good for parents to be partial. When a child is young, it hurts the unloved one. When children grow up, being loved will in turn make them vomit blood.

And when they are old, they will also taste the consequences of eccentricity!

In rural areas, many parents, boys and children who are eccentric, clever or smart in reading, don't have to do housework, but want children with poor reading to do it. Food and clothing are biased towards one side, so quarreling between children will arouse one side's resentment and say that parents are eccentric, which will do him great harm. They will be lonely when they grow up and have no trust in others. No one in this world loves her, which will have a certain impact on her future work and life. But with more children, parents will be a little biased, especially in rural areas where boys are preferred to girls.

The elder brother couldn't bear it, and beat his younger brother just to get crazy revenge from his parents. This is the real thing that happened to my cousin. Speaking of which, my cousin's parents are also intellectuals. They are teachers in a vocational college. However, the couple have a serious psychology of protecting their youngest son. How serious is it? Because they have two sons: cousin and his brother. The couple have been strict with their eldest son since childhood, and they scold him. My cousin has been doing housework since he was a child, and he has to queue up for his younger brother who is six years younger than himself. One winter, my cousin just turned eight, got up early and walked two stops in the dark to get to the milk supply point. It was still dark, but the milkman had lined up. Cousin can only go home empty-handed. If he is a reasonable parent, in view of this special situation, it is not a big problem to give his child a meal of milk powder. However, their attitude is firm. They not only beat their cousins, but also stipulate that from now on, they must go out to get milk half an hour in advance to ensure that their younger brothers can drink milk. This incident is just a microcosm of my cousin being treated unfairly by his parents when he was a child. Later, as cousins and younger brothers grew up, their parents' attitudes towards them were different. Anything delicious, fun, new clothes, etc. I should give it to my brother-in-law's brother first. At school, if my cousin fails in the exam, he will be reprimanded or beaten, while my brother fails in the exam. Not only will parents not beat and scold, but they will also enlighten my brother-in-law's brother, saying that it doesn't matter if he fails in the exam, as long as he works hard. Over time, my cousin has developed a relatively independent personality, while my brother relies on his parents for everything, and whenever there is a contradiction between the two brothers, my brother will tell his parents about his brother. Sometimes it is obviously his fault, but it is often his brother who is beaten and punished. Later, my cousin was admitted to the university, but my brother accomplished nothing and became a lazy bookworm. Later, my cousin got married and got married. He thought he could get rid of the unnecessary entanglement between his parents and his brother. But his parents stipulate that no matter how busy he is, he must go back to his parents' house once a week to buy rice and noodles and do housework, because this is his duty, and his younger brother is even more arrogant. He always goes to his brother's house to ask for money and things. Once, my cousin's brother was drunk and went to his brother's house to turn over money while he was away. And he didn't find it. He became angry from embarrassment, not only hit his sister-in-law, but also pushed his little nephew to the ground. And all this happened to be caught by his cousin who just returned to China. He could not bear to push his brother to the ground and taught him a lesson. My brother got up and ran home to help. As a result, my cousin's parents and his brother took a taxi to his cousin's house. In front of my cousin, three people twisted my cousin leg press's arm to the ground, and used everything they could, beating him with blood all over his face. It didn't take long, just in time for the tide of going abroad. My cousin's family of three immigrated. My cousin's parents told everyone that they had a baiwenhang at home, and they all went to have fun, dead or alive. Let others worry only: Is their eldest son their own?

If parents have a special preference for one child, what effect will it have on the child?

First, children may become fearless because of their parents' special partiality and make some excessive demands. Even if his parents feel a little inappropriate, they will meet his requirements out of their preference for her. Doing this for a long time is definitely not good for children's growth.

Second, maybe children will only do some increasingly irregular things outside. He thinks that my parents love me anyway, and even if I make a mistake, my parents will tell me that he will choose a stall. In the long run, he will become more and more arrogant and unacceptable.

Third, if parents are partial to one child, it will naturally have a negative impact on another child. Another child may think that his parents don't love him, leaving a shadow in his heart, so naturally he sometimes doesn't communicate with his parents and has resistance to them.

So in mom and dad's house, if we have two children, we must make a bowl of water look flat and let the children feel that our love for him is fair to them. Only in this way can he grow up healthily and happily.

Ronald Richardson, an American psychologist, devoted a chapter in his book Beyond family of origin to introduce the influence of the birth order and gender order of children in family of origin on their personalities.

Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, also believes that "the birth order of children among brothers and sisters has a great influence on their future life path."

For example, the first-born children are mostly achievement-oriented and have leadership skills.

Someone was born between several brothers, and his personality is the combination of his brother's and his younger brother's. There are many brothers, and the age gap is small. He will be more like a brother. There are many younger brothers, and the age gap is small. He will be more like a younger brother.

If siblings are born more than six years apart, they will behave more like only children.

When some children are born in a relatively concentrated time, while others are far away from the birth time, the phenomenon of "small groups" will appear.

The above research results come from Beyond family of origin, and the author is based on the research results of Austrian psychologist Walter Toman. Toman visited thousands of "normal" families and found that people with the same birth order and siblings' gender order often have some similar characteristics.

What I said above is to prove the importance of family background to a person. In a "normal" family, the birth order of children still has such a great influence on their personality, not to mention the obvious partiality of parents.

There is a classmate, a girl and a younger brother in Shandong. There is no geographical discrimination, but her family does have a serious preference for boys. It stands to reason that as a victim, she should not prefer boys to girls. Surprisingly, after marriage, she gave birth to a daughter and later asked for a second child. She just went to Hong Kong for a blood test and found it was a daughter, so she aborted it. Now she is pregnant again. She is a son, expecting a child.

I don't mean to judge other people's lives, but I just want to remind parents with two or three children that eccentricity really has a great influence on their children. Both men and women, no matter how the child behaves, are your children. They can't choose who to be their parents. So, please be kind to every child.

I have a workmate who has several brothers and sisters in his family. He doesn't know why. I am the last person my parents like. One year after the Spring Festival, parents gave them lucky money, and he gave them the least. I haven't even made new clothes for him for years. Once, he and his mother asked for 20 cents to buy candy, but her mother just scolded him and gave him 50 cents each. Now my workmate is nearly seventy years old, and occasionally he talks about the past with resentment. That's how parents treat their children.

This question is too vague.

What are the specific aspects of parents' eccentricity in most only children now?

In addition, parental bias is an evaluation conclusion. Since it is a conclusion, it means that it is the feeling of a third party other than parents. In other words: Do the onlookers feel that this parent is partial to the children? Or do the children themselves believe that their parents are biased against them?

Different situations naturally have different effects.

If you are a bystander, you can only tell these outsiders and don't easily evaluate other people's family interactions. Because outsiders don't live with others and don't know the details. Since outsiders, what they see and hear, can't guarantee comprehensive objectivity. Even if you see everything and hear everything, your cognitive judgment will always be your attitude from your own position. If you are not the child of this parent, your experience cannot be guaranteed to be accurate. That's human psychology. The same thing, different positions and different angles are different feelings and attitudes. Therefore, outsiders should not easily draw high moral conclusions to others' homes. This is disrespectful to people, and it is also hurting people's feelings with their own words.

If the children themselves think that their parents are eccentric, if the children are already deeply confused about it, and even affect their normal life and mood, then it really needs to be dealt with and solved. But solving it really needs to be cautious and taken seriously.

For example 1, is the child's conclusion fair? Do you misunderstand your parents? Is it because parents' original intention is love, but there are too many inappropriate words and deeds that they don't pay attention to or understand? The result is to add chaos to change the initial heart and let the children come to this conclusion? Maybe parents do have serious prejudice and deliberately treat their children like this?

Different situations and different solutions will have different effects on children.

As long as it is not parents' intentional prejudice and wrong family view, misunderstanding under any other circumstances, doing bad things with good intentions, etc., as long as they try to untie this knot that should not happen through themselves and sincere and objective foreign aid, they will not cause great harm to their children. Of course, before the knot is over, the child must be in pain, distrust and even doubt love, which will have a more or less adverse effect on the formation of the child's character, but as long as the parents and children involved can find and solve it in time.

It is the kind of family view that parents are really biased and wrong in their hearts and deliberately treat their children unfairly. This situation is not only biased, but also suspected of mental abuse of children. Children will not only feel unloved and persecuted by their parents, but also feel redundant, which will cause their depression and doubt about life. The consequences are unimaginable. In my opinion, this kind of parents must be extremely rare, and they themselves have personality disorders. Most parents are normal. The so-called eccentricity is just the result of mutual misinterpretation and unreasonable cognition caused by improper methods. Because there is no doubt that parents love their children. This is also the idea that I often convey to visiting children in parent-child consultation, and it is also deeply realized by my interaction with their parents. At least, so far, I haven't personally received that kind of parents with abnormal personality.

Parents' preference for their children will have a great influence.

To share a story with you, I have a friend who is a girl and a younger brother at home. Growing up, mom and dad are protecting their younger brother. Because it's a boy, everything is left to my brother. The reason mom and dad found out is that my brother is too young to understand, so you have to let her go. This concession is more than 20 years.

Some time ago, my friend wanted to buy a house. But I don't have a family or a boyfriend yet. She just wants her parents to help, and pay them some money later to help with the down payment. When she was a mother and father, her brother jumped up. His brother gave her a big temper: "Why should I help you buy a house? You will get married in the future. If married, whose house is it? I don't agree! "

After her brother lost his temper, her parents refused her request. In fact, she didn't ask her parents to contribute. She wants her parents to help pay the down payment and pay it back later. Because she knows that the economic conditions at home are ok, she thinks she is also the daughter of her parents. Mom and dad have prepared two houses for my brother, and she only needs a down payment 1/5.

This incident made my friend feel very uncomfortable. The Spring Festival is coming, and she doesn't want to go back to that home at all. Sometimes she feels like an orphan and doesn't feel any warmth. Neither cold blood nor affection can warm her heart. Besides blood relationship, she really doesn't know what else there is between her and her family.

All children, all children born to mothers. Why is it different? Why are you biased? If you think it's a burden, then why did you have her?

So eccentricity is easy to cause children's psychological problems. Once cracks appear, it is difficult to repair them.

So I hope parents can be kind to your children, and eccentricity may bring great harm to children!

There are many children at home, so parents may have limited ability and energy and can't take care of all the feelings of their children. In addition, everyone has their own different preferences and traditional ideas, and it is inevitable that there will be some patriarchal behaviors. Some children feel that they are "father doesn't love mother, and uncle doesn't like kicking their feet". Living in this state of mind for a long time will definitely have an impact on their mental health.

First of all, I have a grudge against my parents. There is a girl around me who thinks that her brother is happy for her mother and her sister is loved by her father. Only when no one cares at home can she go to grandma's house, thinking that she can feel the warmth of her family there. Because there are always emotions in my heart, I always talk back to my parents at home. She doesn't have a good sense of security and belonging, which makes her very opinionated, and sometimes her personality is a bit extreme and stubborn. And that kind of patriarchal family has wronged its daughter. Women in the past were influenced by traditional ideas, which suppressed their rationality on the level of consciousness. "This is what they should do," they will tell themselves. In fact, there is still resentment subconsciously afterwards. For example, after marriage, they will not take care of their parents. "This is my son's business. I am the daughter who married." They'll tell themselves the same thing. With the development of society, the consciousness of equality between men and women is getting stronger and stronger, and the number of children is relatively small. If parents are still obviously eccentric, it may really cause great hidden dangers to the future sibling relationship.

Secondly, jealousy and selfishness. When I was young, I saw my brothers and sisters distributing some food and clothing items, but I didn't have them, or I was better than myself, and so on. Inevitably unbalanced in my heart. With what? He felt angry and helpless inside, especially the introverted child, who didn't want to express it to his parents, but kept it in his heart. If the family is in this situation for a long time, he will be jealous if he has not been compensated elsewhere and has not handled his emotions properly. As an adult, he will naturally be selfish out of the habit of self-protection.

Besides, you may be indifferent, keep more books when something goes wrong, and so on. In fact, many times we still don't understand our parents. From the perspective of human nature, every child is eager to get the attention of his parents. Your parents may not neglect you, but you just don't feel completely satisfied. Every child occupies a very important position in the hearts of parents. I remember when I was a child, my father was very fond of me. My brother often gets into trouble, and naturally he is often beaten by his father. When I was in junior high school, I hit him once, and he left five fingerprints on his face, which made my dad feel distressed and blamed me behind my back. At this moment, I feel that the palms of my hands are full of meat. Many times, the so-called eccentricity is only superficial, and my parents may not love you at all. Just like the girl before, when I talked to her parents about partiality, they didn't realize it. Because in their hearts, children are the treasure in their hearts.

Text: parenting together: from the internet

Any life has the instinct to survive, and in order to live well, it will make corresponding adjustments according to the environment and conditions.

Then, when parents are partial to their children, what feelings will such behavior bring to their children? What measures will his survival instinct make him take?

Parents' partiality will make the one who is not optimistic feel unfair, think that parents don't love themselves or not enough, and think that parents don't love themselves enough because they are not good enough. In the end, the unloved children feel inferior, envy the spoiled children, complain or even resent their parents, and make the children feel antagonistic and rebellious in behavior and even personality.

Moreover, he will get into the habit of worrying too much about gains and losses. The gain and loss mentioned here is not the input-output ratio. We do everything for gain and loss, of course, we should pay attention to and even care about gain and loss. But what we are talking about here is haggling over every ounce. Failure to pay attention to people and things themselves or their deeper growth and experience will affect his interpersonal relationship, happiness perception and ability.