Also talk about the original family

I met some old friends a few days ago. It has been almost 10 years since we last met. Ever since we went to different universities, we have been in different countries or cities over the years, walking beside each other. On parallel and disjoint life trajectories. In the blink of an eye, we are about to turn 27, because one of the girls, including me, is going to be a mother in the second half of the year and will no longer be free. We all agreed that we must have a good gathering in our hometown this summer. Cannot be absent. Among us, there is an unmarried person who immigrated to New Zealand early and lives a free and easy life; there is a top student who was cultivated by his professor parents since he was a child and has just completed his PhD in the United States and plans to continue studying in the United States to engage in scientific research; there is a person who is working hard in the first-tier cities. The desperate middle sister who firmly believes that relying on oneself is the king and strives to become a female elite in the workplace; a housewife who got married before graduating from college and now has three children; of course, the remaining two are living the most normal lives. Me and my other best friend who is going to be a mom. A gathering of sisters, of course, there are just a few topics, either men, money, or face (beauty and make-up), chattering and having fun. I'm really happy that now we sit together and there still won't be any barriers, even though we have become more and more different.

After returning home, I shared their current situation with my mother. In addition to being rejected by my mother for not being as capable as others, I was also criticized and educated by my mother. However, for her response to this , having grown up like this, although I have long been accustomed to it, I am still a little frustrated and angry, so I suddenly want to write about my native family. People around me come from different families, so they have different moods and situations. Whether they are my former classmates or my parents, family is like a mirror to each of us, shining into every day of our lives.

I believe that most of us grew up in ordinary families with healthy, loving and harmonious parents. As adults, we continue to repeat the life trajectory of our parents, studying, working, getting married and having children. It is said that it is both a destination and a lifelong concern. A happy family is the soil that breeds optimism, honesty, courage, and kindness.

However, there are always some people who come from incomplete families. The closest examples to me are my mother and aunts. My grandma died of illness when my mother was very young. At that time, my mother had not even learned to walk. In her words, she had been a child without a mother since she was a child. Grandpa remarried soon, and a more terrifying stepmother took over their lives, so the three sisters' childhood memories no longer had color. I heard my mother talk about her experiences in childhood when she was beaten by her stepmother, her tuition fees were deducted, she was not given work or food, she had to pull briquettes in the middle of winter, and her hands suffered long-term frostbite. Because of the birth of his younger uncle, my grandfather no longer supported the three sisters and only regarded them as a burden. You can imagine how cruel that would be for an underage child. Because they were urged to work early to earn money, both the aunt and the second aunt gave up their studies early to earn money to support their families. And her mother said that her only hope at that time was to study hard and stay in a big city, thus completely leaving the home that no longer belonged to her, so she studied hard. Later, my mother and father got married and joined a warm and happy family. My grandparents were generous and kind, which somewhat made up for my mother's misfortune in childhood. However, no matter how happy life turned out to be, the pain of the original family never disappeared from my mother. When I was young, I was ignorant. I always felt that my mother didn't love me. She always restricted me and criticized me, but rarely hugged me or praised me. She didn't buy me beautiful clothes and deliberately gave me a boy's haircut. Whenever I acted coquettishly, Or when she complains, she always says that I don’t know how blessed I am despite being blessed. Now that I think about it, I can't blame her entirely, because she has never experienced maternal love. Because my parents were busy at work, we had been living with my grandparents. Most of my understanding of the world came from my grandparents. From them, I saw what care and respect should look like, and I learned to love and be loved. As I grew older, I found that instead of blaming my mother, I felt sorry for her. My mother is a very hard-working person. It seems that only unremitting struggle can give her a sufficient sense of security. With her accumulation over the years, she has not only taken root in this city herself, but also helped her aunt, second aunt and them. The children all bought houses. Now that the children have grown up and both her father and she are about to retire, in the eyes of outsiders, my mother should be living a happy life. But only those closest to her knew that she had never felt truly happy. About a few years ago, when I was still in love with my husband, I talked about marriage with my mother. I remember my mother said that she was very grateful to be able to marry her father and that her grandparents gave her the same love as her biological parents. Unfortunately, she felt insecure about such a life and did not feel that she was worthy of such happiness, so she She is always afraid that misfortune will happen at any time, either to herself or to the person she loves most, such as me. Therefore, she always has strict demands on me and is very picky about my studies, work, and spouse selection. To be honest, I was quite shocked when I heard that some people actually think that they do not deserve happiness, and having the love of others makes them uneasy and confused. Home, for some people, is like a shackle, locking up happiness and freedom.

To be honest, I was quite shocked when I learned what my mother really thought. There are people who think that they do not deserve happiness, and having the love of others makes them uneasy and confused.

Her mother, who may appear to be smart and capable to outsiders, is extremely insecure inside. She has always regarded work as her everything, as if only by working hard can she avoid misfortune. My mother was very beautiful when she was young, but because she has neglected to take care of herself and worked too hard over the years, she now looks much older than her peers. I used to often hear my father complain that she didn’t know how to enjoy life. After so many years of marriage, I didn’t even watch a movie or a play with him. When I was young, I couldn’t understand my mother. In my eyes, she was indeed He has a bit of an incomprehensible style and always has a serious face. But now, when I grow up and have my own children and my own understanding of life, I gradually understand my mother. She had a hard time as a child, so she spent her whole life paying off debts. As she said herself, she never even thought she should be happy. Because in her native family, she lived a very humble life. Her grandmother passed away due to illness when she was very young. Her grandfather was an intellectual and came from a landowner family. He carried the bad reputation of being a "reactionary" and lived in poverty for most of his life. So every time my mother mentioned her childhood, she would be so resistant. She said that at that time, she only had one belief, that is, if she passed the exam, she would never come back. However, even if she passed the exam and formed a seemingly happy family with my father, in the later decades of her life, I still rarely saw her happy, even though she had no worries about food and clothing and had two children. A daughter and a grandson, she is still afraid of disaster. For some people, the wounds in their original family may be healed by later life, while for others, if they are sensitive and fragile by nature, they may remain with them throughout their lives. In fact, each of us lives in the shadow of our original family. Let’s talk about some good friends we reunited with some time ago. She experienced her parents cheating on her when she was a child and betrayed her family. When she grew up, she became a non-marriage activist. She was born in a professor’s home, and her parents were both top academics. She later chose an academic career. road; when she was a child, she followed her parents to work outside to make money, and experienced all the hardships of life. She stayed in a first-tier city. Only the money she earned through hard work made her feel peaceful; and I myself was not too well protected by my grandparents. , did not dare to make bold attempts, and lived step by step for more than 20 years.

What has our family of origin given us? It has to be said that because we come from different families, we have different pasts. These pasts have become imprints on us and are even written into our DNA. What we cannot choose is the family we are born into, what we cannot choose is our father and mother, but our adult life can be controlled by ourselves. The family of origin should not be used as an excuse for refusing to grow and change, because the right to happiness and joy is in one's own hands. Even if it is the misfortunes, pains and regrets of the past, as long as they use the right methods and consciously change them, I believe that anyone can be happy as an adult. I think we can not be responsible for some things that happened in the family of origin in the past. But starting from today, every choice you make must be your own responsibility. Whether the native family is soil or shackles actually depends on our own choice. Perhaps, starting from today, we must work hard to exercise the ability to be happy and constantly reflect, so that we can live up to the people who love us and me, because for our children, I am their original family.