How did the ancients go to the toilet, also known as "wiping their bottoms", develop?

A teacher asked his students, "Who has never died since ancient times?" The student replied mischievously: "Since ancient times, no one has taken a shit, and no one has to take a shit with paper." This student obviously doesn't study hard and will only make trouble. He doesn't know that defecation paper has only become popular in the last hundred years. The ancients shit and wipe their ass without paper. Raising the toilet is one way.

What is a toilet? If you have heard of counting money and raising money, you should know that raising money is a stick, counting money is used for arithmetic, and raising money is used for drinking, so it can be inferred that the money in the toilet is put in the toilet, so the ancients did not have to do math problems and drink when they went to the toilet. This toilet money is more useful than doing the problem: wiping your ass.

The patent right of this method of wiping ass should belong to Indians, and the giant Buddha Sakyamuni also advocated it. A monk wiped his ass after taking a shit, and his anus was cut because he was not skilled. In class, he looked miserable. After the Buddha knew it, he immediately changed the content of the class and specifically described the method of wiping his ass. Buddha said that the toilet should be carefully scraped after use, and you should not rub against the wall, and you should not use stones, grass, clods or exotic flowers and grasses. Moreover, the Buddha also made special provisions on the specific material specifications of toilet financing: "Users are wood, bamboo and reed. The oldest measurement method is one finger, and the shortest is four fingers. " People have to admire the nuances of the Buddha.

With the introduction of Buddhism in the Han Dynasty, this advanced ass-wiping technology also flowed into China, especially by the upper class. Many emperors and generals are very fond of this kind of "foreign goods"-I didn't expect that our tradition of worshipping foreign things and flattering foreign countries actually started from wiping our bottoms.

For example, the Book of the Northern Qi Dynasty records that Gao Yang, the emperor of the Northern Qi Dynasty, used toilets to raise money, and all the toilets used were personally delivered by Prime Minister Yang Cheng. When he took a shit, Prime Minister Yang Cheng stood by and held the toilet. This idea is obviously copying Sun Hao's practice of holding toilets with gold people, but Gao Yang learned to use them flexibly. Maybe you think Yang Cheng, the prime minister, is really timid, but things in officialdom can't be measured by common sense, because toilet fund-raising is the private use of leaders, which can show their trust in doing these private things. No wonder Yang Cheng has been assisting Gao Yang to death.

However, compared with Li Yu, the last emperor of the Southern Tang Dynasty, it is really no big deal for the prime minister to cut the toilet to raise money. Li Yu, the romantic poet, took his wife with the respect of the emperor, dressed in a monk's robe and cap, and personally cut toilets and raised money for monks. Not to mention, cutting the toilet to raise money was afraid of damaging the monk's noble anus, and the husband and wife personally wiped their faces with toilet funds, which stung and trimmed them slightly. Probably because of his piety, he touched the Buddha, who made his hobby and added a bit of sadness to the China world with his poems.

In the Tang dynasty, toilet breeding also became a munitions. Han Yun, a famous painter in Tang Dezong, is very serious in our time. He provides articles for the army. Even if he carefully puts forward such items in the toilet, he will record them one by one for fear of forgetting them. It is rare for an artist to be so meticulous when he is an official. If Li does this, he may be able to sleep at his bedside for a few more years. Fortunately, he still pretends to be the emperor of the Tang Dynasty, but he can't even learn for a time.

This is a matter for the rich and idle families. Ordinary people don't have that leisure and ambition. Their livelihood is still a problem. They will never cut a stick to wipe their ass, and the things they use are very complicated.

There was a scholar named Hu Yinglin in the Ming Dynasty. He was told that all the people and women in Anping wiped their bottoms with rubble. Hu Yinglin learned and remembered, and immediately remembered that Anping belonged to Boling in the Tang Dynasty. Cui Yingying in The West Chamber came from there. He immediately joked: "Yingying wiped her ass with rubble, which really hurts." Hu Yinglin, as a senior intellectual, this is a bit disgusting.

Hey, hey, hey, Cui Yingying.

But he also told the truth, when paper was still a luxury, wiping the ass all over the world was an embarrassing problem.

Everything made of natural materials and held in your hand can be used to wipe your ass. For example, people at the seaside wipe their bottoms with shells, people in the inland use leaves and straws, and robbers collect moss on the mountains. When the first American immigrants fell in love with corn at first sight, they wiped their bottoms with corncob. Because the corn cob is rough, they soak it in water before using it. At that time, it was estimated that there was a bucket of corncob in the toilet of American immigrants. The most creative people in this field were the ancient Romans, who wiped their bottoms with fungus. Auricularia auricula is soft and thick, which should be much more comfortable than corncob. That's clever.

Some people wipe their bottoms with automatic creatures. The name sounds modern, but this method is very old, because this automation tool is nothing more than a loyal friend of human beings: dogs. When the stool is finished, call the dog, lick it and clean it up quickly. However, this fully automatic tool is dangerous. It is said that every time Li finished taking a shit when he was a child, his mother called their "yellow cover"-a little yellow dog to lick his ass. One day, Huang Gai probably thought this shit was far less delicious than meat. Seeing that a piece of meat on his leg was superfluous, Li bit it off and trained a good slave for Empress Dowager Cixi.

Compared with Li, Peter I's ass-wiping tool is a bit semi-automatic. The reformer has a unique hobby. He doesn't need any cloth, he uses a goose neck, and it must be freshly slaughtered so that the meat around his neck can vibrate. In other words, every time he goes to the toilet, a goose will suffer. If reformers have wider anus, it is estimated that none of them will be enough. It's spectacular to think that a large flock of geese had to be kept in the Russian palace as toilet paper for the emperor.

There are inventions, and the earliest invention patents should belong to the Romans. The Romans not only used fungi, but also invented them. He tied a sponge to a stick and soaked it in water to wipe his ass. It is soft, clean and easy to clean. Really smart. Unfortunately, the invention of the Romans was not popularized, and the invention of the French palace in the Middle Ages was dwarfed. The emperor of the romantic city hanged himself from the beam with a rope, and then rubbed it on his crotch after pulling shit. The rope is still recycled. The emperor uses it for the queen and the queen uses it for the minister. This is really economical. Over time, that rope will be as bright as gold.

Some people who use luxury goods, full of food and support, are naturally very particular about anus, and they are unwilling to use what others can't use. The ropes of the French palace were abandoned in Louis XIII. The emperor began to use merino wool, and Louis XIV wiped his ass with mesh silk, but presumably the mesh would not be very large, otherwise the emperor would definitely be "golden".

Some foreign scholars suspect that Emperor China wiped his ass with silk, which is totally subjective. Although China is rich in silk, it should not be used to wipe the bottom, not because the emperor is frugal, but because silk is so smooth, it is not good at absorbing water, and it is estimated that it cannot be wiped clean. Emperor China's favorite is the toilet raised from India. Just imagine, even emperors like Sun Hao and Levin used toilets to raise money, and the less rogue court nobles probably wouldn't make a fuss about it.

It is recorded in the language forest that the toilets used by Shi Chong are full of tips, and there are beautiful women on standby. As we all know, Shi Chong is a famous bully landlord in history and always likes to show off his wealth. However, such a rich man still uses the toilet, and his extravagance is only a tip. It can be seen that he is not stupid enough for modern people to buy expensive ones and not choose the right ones. However, Ming Xiaozong did use silks and satins, but the silk he used to wipe his ass was not the finest silk produced in Jiangsu and Zhejiang, but the palm-sized cloth woven by Sichuan wild silkworms. It should be as rough as homespun, soft and absorbent, and meet the needs of his ass. He throws it away after each use.

Unfortunately, a eunuch took the cloth used by the emperor, washed away the "dragon shit" and sewed a curtain. The emperor saw it. When the emperor learned that these curtains were actually "collected from his ass". Be frugal and stop using cloth. This brief luxury wind is over.

Supposedly, China invented papermaking in Cai Lun at the end of the Eastern Han Dynasty, which should have replaced the toilet. Why do people use toilets for thousands of years?

This question is simple. The Chinese nation is a country of etiquette and civilization. Cai Lun invented paper to write history books and articles, not to wipe his ass. So for many years, paper has been regarded as a forbidden thing to wipe your ass. In addition to official regulations that writing paper should be strictly respected, there are also many folk laws that specifically warn people to cherish writing paper.

Later, I probably thought it was not enough to cherish Chinese characters, so I pulled up banners to make tiger skins, carried out a Wenchang emperor, and warned people to respect and cherish Chinese characters in the tone of Wenchang emperor, saying that whoever cherishes Chinese characters will definitely become a big official and enjoy wealth, otherwise he will be punished, and so on. How dare people wipe their bottoms with paper under such indoctrination?

Until the Yuan Dynasty, the Mongols from the Great Wall ignored these taboos, broke the deadlock and changed the use of paper from metaphysics to metaphysics. However, the paper at this time is estimated to be very hard. There is a queen in yuan dynasty history who is very filial to the Queen Mother. Every time she softens the dirty paper, she wipes it on her face to make sure it won't hurt her ass before giving it to the Queen Mother. This melodramatic behavior is obviously imitating Li Yu.

After all, rubbing it on the queen's face is too inefficient. In the Ming Dynasty, in order to improve the quality and efficiency, the royal family set up a "ouchi sanitary paper factory"-Baochaosi, which specialized in producing royal toilet paper (then called dirty paper), which greatly improved the quality and output efficiency of toilet paper. Since then, paper has gradually highlighted the class difference on the issue of wiping the bottom.

Noble as Cixi pays attention to a big sheet piling. The paper she uses is white cotton paper. Cut it first, then let the maid-in-waiting spray a thin mouthful of saliva, and then iron it with an iron. It is only soft, clean and angular, and can be used to wipe Lafayette's ass. But this sick old woman's toilet paper is exquisite, but not expensive. The person who uses the most expensive paper should be Peter the Great of Russia. The emperor not only used gooseneck, but also used the proudest paper: paper money.

Peter the Great of Russia visited France. In a restaurant in Paris, he went to the toilet. Being in a foreign country, he didn't bring a goose, so he couldn't use a goose neck. In desperation, he took out a hundred-dollar franc and solved the "burning fart". After using it, he also gave this filthy paper to his footman. This footman really has backbone. "People with lofty ideals don't take shit." The great emperor refused to accept it and had no face, so he had to throw the money on the ground. When the doorman heard about it, he urged the footman to pick it up. He said, "You can use it to buy drinks, as much as new money."

Judging from the story of Peter the Great, foreigners have started to use paper at this time, but they should all use ordinary waste paper. It was not until a hundred years later that the United States took the lead in launching a single toilet paper. 1879, the British improved it and invented rolls of toilet paper, but the public didn't accept their new thing at first, and the sales volume was extremely poor.

It was not until 1907 that Scott introduced toilet paper, which was widely publicized and strongly advocated, that toilet paper went to various toilets, gradually became the winning trend, and quickly occupied it, becoming the most popular way to wipe your ass. This has really created a good situation: "Whoever has no shit in his life since ancient times has no paper in his life."

That naughty student is ignorant and pretentious, leaving himself a laughing stock. If I were that teacher, I would warn him: "Youth is like toilet paper, which looks a lot. It's gone after use. Don't treat ignorance as chic. "