Peace of mind is where you belong-the girl finally said that she would never see you again.

I saw Rachel Joyce's A Man's Pilgrimage some time ago.

It tells a story: Harold Vleji, a retired man, leads a quiet and lifeless life day after day. One morning, he received a letter from his old friend Queenie, whom he hadn't seen for twenty years, telling him that he had cancer. With shock and grief, Harold wrote a reply. On the way to post the letter, he thought about his life in Queenie, and went further and further through one mailbox after another. Finally, he went all the way from the southwest of England to the northeast, across the whole of England. 87 days, 627 miles, based on a belief: as long as he goes, old friends will live.

His belief reminds me of my own experience.

It has been three years since I graduated. In retrospect, my fastest growth should be the first year of work and this year. In the first year of work, our project team received a project with a five-year cycle. In principle, this will be the most profitable project for our project team in recent years, and correspondingly, our bonus income will be relatively high. This project was completed in June this year, so my career plan at that time was to consider changing a platform next year and giving myself new growth opportunities.

In my life, there was once a boy who had been dating for two years. When I was on a business trip in Europe in June this year, I also planned to take a long trip before marriage and then walk into the marriage hall. After the immigration formalities in Maple Leaf Country are completed, he can start a leisurely and free life in the past two years.

It seems that this year is a node in my life. For me, there will be many major changes this year. Everything seems so beautiful, even perfect. I have always been in such a vision that sometimes I selectively ignore my inner voice, that is, I hope my life is infinitely close to my ideal life.

He comes from a good family, is tall and mature, has a high education as an overseas Chinese, has vision and foresight in the middle and high level of the company, and the other parents are also very satisfied with me (he is excellent, but I am not bad). All this still looks beautiful, but there is a good saying: the gift given by fate has already marked the price in the dark.

There have been many wonderful moments, but there are always regrets behind every good thing.

Every year, he specially celebrates my birthday, but it is never my birthday; Every birthday, I will give my favorite gift (such as roseonly), but it seems that I bought it the day before my birthday. I just want to go to Disney with my favorite person, but I missed my favorite fireworks because he didn't want to wait. I went to see a concert in Jay Chou, which satisfied my youthful desire, but there was a terrible quarrel the day before.

……

The two of us, alone together is also very good, together, outsiders look very good, but only I know that we are unhappy more than happy together.

Sometimes, a person may like you, but not as much as you think As a result, he is willing to do something for you, but only if it will not affect himself. In other words, he will always consider himself first.

When it rains, he will subconsciously lean on his side; When eating, I always like to go to those I want to go to; I am basically a person who will wait for a date for half an hour (according to my own habits, I am basically a late person); I made an appointment with him to travel to Korea long ago, but in the end I went alone because he didn't have time. Ironically, as soon as he turned around, he could have time to stay in the United States and Canada for half a month. It was a surprise for me to reply to the message in time … gradually, I realized that I was just not that important to him.

Of course, I am not a resigned person, so we often quarrel over these trivial matters, but sometimes guilt always makes me learn to be tolerant and patient.

Some things in character or upbringing in bones can't be changed easily, nor can a short period of education and study or a certain experience make people change a lot. He comes from a province with a serious concept of male chauvinism, so he doesn't think there is anything wrong with the above behavior, and thinks it is just a trivial matter, which is not worth mentioning at all.

A person simply doesn't realize what's wrong with his behavior. How can he change it?

Recently, I watched the hit drama Standing at Thirty starring Zhong. It's the kind of person who looks good to outsiders, but only Zhong knows how suffocating such a shared marriage is. What is even more ridiculous is that the screenwriter wrote that Chen Yu changed 180 degrees after divorce, and finally they remarried. The reality is that things in character are really not that easy to change.

Gradually, we spent more and more time together, but we didn't achieve the effect of running in. What was quarreled a year ago is still quarreled a year later, and it has been on and off many times.

Finally, I made up my mind: I asked myself, if I was in danger, would I contact him without hesitation? Can you contact him right away? Do you want to share the trivia of life with him without hesitation now? When my son is lying on the operating table, can I trust him with my life?

When I ask myself these questions, I am still avoiding them selectively, or trying to comfort myself with the phrase "He is usually fine, or he is generally fine".

But in the end, it must be a negative answer, so at some point last year, I formally asked him to break up.

It is a lie to say that it will be completely broken immediately after separation. There have been many entanglements and many attempts to get back together, but it seems that they are just repeating the same mistakes. Maybe two people who are not suitable are not suitable after all.

This year's epidemic has given me a chance to calm down and think hard, and let me listen to my inner voice. The epidemic has also delayed our five-year project until June next year, which also makes me feel that I can still look forward to it. Before the end of this journey, my present work and life are full of infinite possibilities.

I asked myself, hard. Is it because I can't let him go or because of the life I will live with him? Frankly speaking, the answer is the latter.

However, I just want someone who can make me feel at ease, so I gradually gave up those seemingly perfect dreams before, and it may be easy to let go after understanding them.

Then my life is developing in a good direction, such as work, reading, writing, yoga, preparing for IELTS, making new friends, and regaining my long-forgotten hobbies. I like this plain and fulfilling life very much.

Are you writing this article to commemorate it? No, on the contrary, I really let go and can look at this experience objectively (I haven't really let go now, I've been apart for a long time, but I just want to write it now).

Of course, the separation of two people is by no means a unilateral reason. I have had some problems before, for example, sometimes I am willful, willful and often unreasonable.

In view of this experience, I can sincerely thank him, because he made my mind more open and far-sighted (which was very important for me who just graduated at that time); It was also he who made me understand what I really wanted to live; It is also he who made me understand that choosing a person should first look at personality and character (on the basis of liking or having a good impression), and everything else is secondary.

So please don't say "Ta is generally good, or Ta is generally good", because these are likely to be the bane of cold violence in the later period.

Marriage is not afraid of major problems such as domestic violence and derailment, because once these happen, it is easy for people to make up their minds to separate; I am most afraid of cold violence, sharing a house, and losing my spouse, because these problems are like "boiled frogs in warm water", which makes people less painful, but can slowly destroy a person.

Please listen to your inner voice and ask your inner feelings. Are you happy? Are you happy?