Parents' perception: What kind of person should parents cultivate their children?

Have you ever had such a moment? In the dead of night, look at the sleeping face of the child and look forward to his or her future.

What do you want him to be in the future? Imagine him in his twenties and thirties. What do you think of him? Is his job good and his career successful? Did he get married and have children? Does he like his work and life? Is he happy?

Now, let's do a little experiment. Please write down your hopes for your children in any way, but only five.

Well, look at these five words as if they have come true. Feel this wonderful feeling.

Now, pick up your pen and delete a word. Delete this word, as if your child is lost forever and will never have it again. Think about what it's like … then delete one, slow down a little, think about it … delete another … until the last word is left. Remember, every time you delete one, it's like your child has lost that aspect, never again.

You only have one last sentence left in your hand. What's left? What's the order of your deletion?

Now, you know what you care about most?

Please think again, when you are with children, what you do mainly revolves around the choices you just made?

Let's imagine what parents generally expect: success, who doesn't want their children to get ahead, go to famous universities, have wealth and fame ... for these reasons, we come back from their children.

I have been very busy since I was born. When I am older, I will take part in various remedial classes just to "not lose at the starting line": happiness, we hope that our children will have a happy family and a happy life; Health is the foundation of everything. ...

We want everything, so we put in money, energy and do our best. But it seems to backfire. How many children feel depressed and miserable in primary school? Some young students in Zhongguancun, Beijing would rather become a dog to get rid of the pressure of homework. How many children have become idle after being admitted to college, and the goal of pursuing for many years has finally been completed. They don't know what to do for the rest of their lives, and their young lives have become old-fashioned: many people are successful, but they are not happy. When they were young, they worked hard to earn money to support their families and prove themselves, but once their dreams came true, they began to be confused. What do people live for? Where is the value of life? ...

Success doesn't mean happiness, does it? If you can only choose between success and happiness, which one would you choose? If a child has a successful career but a miserable life, will parents feel heartbroken?

So, what is the most important quality in cultivating children? We believe that happiness is an ability. What is happiness?

Some people associate happiness with what they have. They think that if I have "…", I will be happy. For example, if I have a house and a car, I will be happy. If I have a husband and children, I will be very happy ... but people who have this idea often have only a temporary happiness when they get these things, or they don't feel happy at all.

Happiness is a subjective feeling that has nothing to do with external objective things. Faced with the same environment, some people will feel happy, while others will feel unhappy. Happiness is probably equal to inner joy. If the so-called "happiness" needs the external environment, if the external environment changes, happiness will change or disappear, but happiness is different. It comes from the heart and exists independently of the external environment. As Yan Hui said, "Eating a spoonful and drinking a spoonful will make people feel unbearable, and going back will not change the pleasure".

Therefore, happiness is an ability! Many people lose the ability to feel happy when they grow up. However, do you have to choose between success and happiness?

When doing the above experiment, someone must have begun to complain about my cruelty. Why cross them off one by one? Are success and happiness contradictory? Why can't I have both? Yes, do you want your children to be beggars? Do you want him to eat every meal? What is happiness? Can you eat it as food and wear it as clothes? Don't people have to eat and wear warm clothes first? ..... If you can have both, that would be great!

Then I tell you, you can have both, and the answer is: let him be himself. If a child is the best of himself, he will feel happy and successful. Such people are also mentally healthy people, who can bear setbacks, create their own lives and feel happy. At a party, adults barbecue and chat together, and children run and play freely on the vast grassland. The children of several families we often meet together are all under four years old. At that time, a friend happened to bring his friend's family, an 8-year-old boy, to travel from China. I think the children will be happy to have a big brother to play with. Indeed, the children were very excited. They all looked at their brother with envy. He is curious about everything he plays. However, this brother didn't mean to take them to play together, but said to other children one by one: these are not stupid! You are the last, you are the second! This is mine, you can't play! The children were all at a loss, and the parents listened with trepidation.

Usually, children are educated in appreciation at home, and children have never heard such words. Although the future society may be full of all kinds of voices, children should learn to bear grievances and blows, but this inexplicable blow and grievance made me hurry over and walk away with my children.

Later, at the dinner table, I heard a friend say that the little boy was a little celebrity. He practices calligraphy well and plays the piano well, and his academic performance is always among the best in the school. He often goes on TV and gives interviews. I thought to myself, it is no wonder that such a powerful child is spoiled and held by so many people, and he is not proud. The child's father is a famous professor in China. It seems that he really spent a lot of time on his studies. Even at dinner, he found a time to practice English with him. Children seem to be used to studying all the time. I think, in the eyes of the child's father, it is necessary to cultivate the child into a person with excellent study and successful career. However, he seems to turn a blind eye to the child's pride. When the child was very unfriendly to other children, he just said a few words unintentionally. If I were you, at least I would take my children aside for education, because in my opinion, I can't stand children being so arrogant and rude.

I've been thinking about what kind of person I want to raise my children. I used to think that I wanted my children to study hard and have a successful career. I also hope that my children can become all kinds of stars and live in a halo. I used to think that it would be good to let my children be doctors and lawyers in the future, with status and money. . . However, I think if the child is not a good person, hardworking, unkind, impolite, sharing and abiding by the law, then no matter how successful he is, no one will share with him in the end. If a child is not a happy person, dissatisfied, unhappy, optimistic, positive and practical, then he will never know how to enjoy life.

Not long ago, the hot news of "1 1 University, the top science scholar in Beijing was rejected" made many people reflect. Although I don't know the specific reasons, some answers can be found in the regulations. The comprehensive quality of American enrollment accounts for a large proportion. I remember reading an article about recruitment before. In the end, among many doctoral students and master students, a little girl with only an undergraduate background stood out. The only reason is that before the recruitment, only she helped the broom that fell at the door. This is an examination question specially set by the organizer. A simple act can tell whether a person knows how to give and whether he has a kind and meticulous heart.

One day I went shopping with my friends and caught up with the big promotion in the mall. They bought a lot of things happily, and then smiled at each other and said, this is the happiness of ordinary people, and a little kindness can make us happy. At that time, I thought, maybe, in the future, my child will be just like me, just a very ordinary person, with average study, average job, little money and average position. However, I hope I can train him to be a good person and a happy person. He is kind and helpful; He is hardworking and won't think about getting something for nothing; He is polite, knows how to share, and knows how to be modest; He is happy, knows how to enjoy life and create fun; He is optimistic and full of hope for life; He is free and easy, and can see that everything in the world is unfair and not smooth; His wisdom, thoughts and actions are very flexible; He is strong and knows how to endure and wait. . .

In this world, how many parents want their children to be heroes, stars, celebrities, successful people, decision makers and rich people. . . But in the end, how many children sacrificed their childhood happiness and happy parent-child time is only one of many ordinary people in this world. And how many of those so-called "successful people" are unhappy and unhappy, and finally abandon everything they have, live an ordinary life, or even die?

What is parents' biggest dream? In the end, I may return to the simplest expectation: I just hope my child is a happy ordinary person. In any case, it's all outside, and only happiness is the truest feeling and happiness in your heart. As parents, don't you spend your whole life trying to pray that your children can be happy?

Finally, I want to end this article with an article. This is an article that I have read and reread. "Family" reprinted)

My daughter's classmates call her "No.23". There are always fifty people in her class, and her daughter ranks twenty-three in every exam. Over time, with this nickname, she became a veritable ordinary student. We thought the nickname was harsh, but our daughter accepted it gladly. My husband said worriedly that when it comes to company activities or old classmates' parties, others are full of praise for his "Little Superman", but he can only play deep. Other people's children not only have outstanding achievements, but also have many specialties. Only our "No.23 girl" has nothing to show off. Therefore, as soon as he saw the talented children in the entertainment program, his eyes sparkled with envy.

Later, I saw a report that a nine-year-old child went to college, and he was very hurt. He asked his daughter and son, why are you not a child prodigy? The daughter said, because you are not a priest. My husband was speechless, and I couldn't help laughing.

On the Mid-Autumn Festival, relatives and friends got together and filled a spacious box. Everyone's topic gradually turned to the younger children of each family. Let the children talk about what they will do in the future. Pianists, stars, politicians and children are not afraid of stage fright. Even a four-and-a-half-year-old girl will say that she wants to be the host of CCTV in the future, which won a burst of admiration. 12-year-old daughter is busy picking crabs and shrimps for her little brother and sister, serving soup and wiping her mouth. It suddenly occurred to people that she was the only one who didn't say anything. Urged by everyone, she answered seriously: "When I grow up, my first wish is to be a kindergarten teacher and lead the children to sing, dance and play games." Everyone politely agreed, and then asked her the second choice. She said generously, "I want to be a mother, put on a tinkling cat apron, cook dinner in the kitchen, and then tell stories to my children and show them the stars on the balcony." Friends and relatives were startled and looked at each other, not knowing what to say. The husband's expression was extremely embarrassing. When he got home, he sighed and said, do you really want your daughter to be a kindergarten teacher in the future? Do we really look at her mediocre students?

In fact, we have also used a lot of brains. In order to improve her academic performance, she hired a tutor, enrolled in a remedial class and bought various materials. Children are also quite sensible, don't read comic books, quit paper-cutting classes, and give up sleeping in on weekends. Like a tired bird, she hurried from class to class, making stacks of papers and workbooks. But after all, he is a child, and his body can't bear it first, and he has a bad cold. Infusion, in the hospital bed, she still insisted on doing her homework, which eventually led to pneumonia. After the illness, the child's face became smaller. But the result of the final exam is still the twenty-three that makes us laugh and cry. Later we also tried to increase nutrition, material incentives, and so on. After repeated tossing, our daughter's little face is getting paler and paler. And as soon as she said that she would take the exam, she began to suffer from anorexia, insomnia and sweating. Then, she got 33 people who stunned us. My husband and I quietly gave up the vigorous activity of encouraging seedlings. Restored her normal schedule, gave her the right to draw cartoons, and allowed her to continue to subscribe to books and newspapers such as Children's Humor and settle down at home for a long time. We love our daughter dearly, but we are puzzled by her achievements.

On weekends, a group of colleagues went for an outing together. Everyone cooked their own best dishes and took their husbands and children to have a picnic. Laughing and laughing all the way, this child sings and that child performs sketches. My daughter has no housekeeping skills, but she has been clapping happily. From time to time, she ran to the back to look after the food. Put the tilted lunch box back in place, tighten the loose bottle cap and wipe off the spilled vegetable juice. Busy as a careful little housekeeper.

There was an accident at the picnic. Two little boys, an olympian and an English expert, are holding a glutinous rice cake on the plate at the same time, and neither of them will let go, let alone share it equally. Abundant food was constantly on display, and they didn't even look at it. The adults laughed and sighed, even persuaded and coaxed, all useless. Finally, it was my daughter who easily broke the deadlock by flipping a coin. On the way back, there was a traffic jam and some children became anxious. One after another, my daughter's jokes amused the whole car. Her hands were not idle, and she cut out many small animals from colorful cartons full of food, which attracted the admiration of this group of children. When getting off the bus, everyone got their own paper-cut of the zodiac. Hearing the children's thanks again and again, the husband couldn't help showing a proud smile.

After the mid-term exam, I received a phone call from my daughter's class teacher. First of all, I learned that my daughter's grades are still average. However, he said, there is a strange thing he wants to tell me. This is the first time he has been teaching for 30 years. There is an additional question on the Chinese test paper: which classmate in your class do you admire most? Please tell me the reason. Except my daughter, the whole class actually wrote her name. There are many reasons: being helpful, keeping promises, not getting angry, being easy to get along with, etc. And most of them are optimistic and humorous. The class teacher also said that many students suggested that she be the monitor. He lamented: although your daughter's grades are average, she is really excellent at being a human being. I jokingly told my daughter that you were going to be a hero. The daughter who is knitting a scarf cocked her head and thought about it. She told me seriously that the teacher once said a proverb: when a hero passes by, someone always sits on the side of the road and applauds. She said softly, "Mom, I don't want to be a hero. I want to be the one who sits on the roadside and applauds. " I suddenly a shock, wait for a while looked at her. She quietly knitted wool and light pink thread, wrapped around bamboo needles, as if an inch of time, spitting out small buds in her hands. Heart, suddenly warm.

At that moment, I was suddenly moved by this girl who didn't want to be a hero. In this world, how many people aspire to be heroes when they are young, but eventually they become ordinary people in the world of fireworks. If we are healthy, if we are happy, if we don't go against our wishes, why don't we be a kind ordinary person? When she grows up, she will be a virtuous wife, a gentle mother, even an enthusiastic colleague and a kind neighbor. In those long years, she can live the life she wants in peace. As a parent, what kind of bright future do you want to pray for your children?