Recruitment in meditation garden

After a period of depression, I have mostly returned to my normal life now.

Like many unmarried young women, I press my cell phone after work. In 20 days, I will enter the watershed of 30 years old. I changed from a cheerful and lively girl to a Buddhist and withdrawn girl. Five years after graduation, I seem to have accomplished nothing. I can't tell if this disease is an experience. I was once like a bright apple. I look beautiful, cheerful and happy on the surface, but there are bugs hidden in my heart. Being born in a family hurts me, just like that bug. As time went on, when I started to get married and establish intimate relationships with people, bugs gnawed at the most important part of me. So, I'm sick and depressed.

During my illness, my perception of the outside world became worse, my mood became unstable, and I often cried. I hurt all the people who love me the most. This has worried my family for a long time. During that time, my memory seemed to be disordered and my mental state was very poor. That germ is harmful to my health.

Finally, I went to see a doctor and received medication. Although I was preparing for the teacher recruitment exam during this period, I didn't get in. However, my health is getting better. I also opened my heart to my mother and said the truth. The bug was exposed to the sun and was finally eliminated.

My best friend also knows my illness. She also used the power of Buddhist belief to help me get out of trouble gradually.

So, I found a new job, went to work to make money and fell in love. But in these five months, my living habits have changed a lot. I seem to be back to normal, but I have become something I hate. I don't want to wash my clothes, see my family or talk to them.

I see. I still love my family. And I used this way to escape from reality, trying to make a mess of my life, making myself an unsuitable object for marriage?

In the past few years, I really put aside the past and wanted to start a new life. However, I am not active in my work and often put it off until the last minute. Blind date is not active, and it is difficult to meet the right person.

Perhaps, my behavior is that I am still looking for how to live my next life. I want to be a better person. I don't want to go out into the world and waste my years. When I left, I was silent and no one remembered. However, I waste my time with my mobile phone every day. If you can't settle down and do things, it's hard to concentrate on anything.

Now, I don't seem to be eager for recognition. I don't care about my family, and I don't care what others say about me. But man is the eternal harmony of all social relations. I seem to want to find the meaning of my existence.

In the long run, I want to live a simple life, concentrate on one field, achieve something, provide for my old age and have no regrets all my life. What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of life do you want? I am thinking about such a problem now. In order to escape lazy procrastination in reality, I will paralyze myself by watching video novels.

I feel that I can't find my purpose in life now. I don't have the right attitude. Now I seem to be coping with life. But I don't want to live like this.

I have no skills, no stunning beauty, no prominent and rich family background, and no degree from a famous university. I am such an ordinary person.

However, I still fantasize that one day, when I am 40 years old, I can go for a walk in the park happily after dinner with my husband, children and family. My husband and I hugged in the sunset and the children were playing around. Then I met my former student and came to tell me his recent situation in surprise. We had a good talk. So live a simple, decent, satisfied and happy life.

More recently, on June 65438+1 October1in 2022, I hope I am satisfied with what I have done in the past year. 2020-202 1 This year, I had a very bad time. I want to grow up next year. Live up to your ambitions, live up to yourself.

Life is a kind of practice. My homework now is to learn to concentrate and arrange my life in an orderly way.

Now I still have too many delusions, I can't calm down and I don't have enough sympathy. This time, I want to really help myself, break evil thoughts and do good deeds.