Ye Ding's novel The Biography of President Yang Shan.

Anecdotes of founding the country

Poetry: fame for a thousand years, fame for ten thousand years, what's good? When you die, you're gone.

After decades of hard planning, we finally have today's president. Thinking that I am going to become an immortal, I can't help dancing for a while and crying for a while.

Founding ceremony will be held soon. Xiang Zheng got up early in the morning and stared at the mirror for a long time, imagining what kind of face he would leave for future generations in a few years. His hair is sparse from time to time to the left and from time to time to the right, and he always feels that something is wrong. Time flies, and he won't walk slowly because he is the president. Three hours have passed, and his hair has not been set yet. He is really worried. During the war, he easily used all means against his enemies, but it is difficult to do so now. This is a new problem that he has never encountered, and he has to study it realistically. Many things happen. Finally, he thought that most of the hair he saw in the temple during the war was upward, and he had to worship it later. He jumped up from his seat and finally made a decision. However, at this time, the sun is shining.

He climbed the tower, and his swollen body made him breathless. In order not to leave a breathless photo for future generations, he had to close his lips and breathe through his nose with difficulty, but he was a little bored, only to see the surging crowd downstairs, like the surging river, coming to him like an avalanche, shouting "Long live the President! Long live the president! " He suddenly felt happy and thought how glorious it was for people to see themselves on the tower several years later! He was in high spirits, suddenly opened his lips and smiled unconsciously. This gaffe can't help but surprise him: how can such a serious face go down in history? He quickly covered his face and sneezed loudly. The Prime Minister immediately understood, and said to the crowd, "Although the President worked hard day and night for national affairs, he still insisted on visiting everyone and attending today's ceremony ..." The crowd suddenly became excited. Many people hid their faces and wept. They were moved to tears and shouted, "Long live the President! Long live the president! " Xiang was very satisfied and thought it was the most touching picture in history, so he waved to the crowd affectionately, but he couldn't shout "Long live the people" because his voice was so ugly that if he raised it a little, it would turn into a pig barking, for fear of damaging his dignity, so he waved like a red cloth in the bullring, and the crowd would swing wherever the cows went.

In the evening, Xiang closed the door and took a left and a right look in the mirror. Recalling his appearance today, I couldn't help laughing several times and thought he was really smart and cute. Such a genius is hard to appear for thousands of years.

two

Draft chicken ban

The next morning, Xiang was woken up by the rooster. He tossed and turned in bed and couldn't sleep any more. He recalled that when he was a child, his family was poor and he was beaten by his neighbor for stealing his neighbor's chicken. He thinks the most abominable animal in the world is the chicken. In order to quell his long-accumulated resentment, he decided to enact laws prohibiting people from raising chickens. He immediately informed cabinet officials to discuss the matter. After talking about his views on chickens, he invited cabinet members to express their opinions. Some people say that chickens are really annoying and make the country restless, so they should be banned. Some people say that chicken is still good, and farmers can't eat chicken after it is banned, which affects their enthusiasm. After several hours of fierce debate, a compromise was finally adopted, that is, chickens are still good, but no more than two, and offenders will be confiscated. He called this law "a draft resolution on raising chickens in swimming pools", which was the first law promulgated after he took office and soon spread all over the world.

People have been talking about it, saying that the president promised to give the people the greatest freedom before the founding of the People's Republic, but now he can't raise more chickens. What does this mean? A great anger, thinking that the first imperial edict he made was so bad, how can he live in the future? So he decided to personally patrol the fields and investigate the people's feelings to see if the reactionaries were dissatisfied with his rule and secretly made waves.

He walked into a farmer's house and saw that they were all eating sweet potatoes around the table, and there was no other food. He asked curiously, "Old man, do you eat this at noon?" The farmer didn't even bother to lift his head and nodded indifferently. "What about breakfast?" "Sweet potato" and "What about dinner?" "Sweet potato!" Item nodded, thinking it's just as well not to raise chickens. It's not easy for the old man to live on sweet potatoes for three meals a day. He decided to take this farmer as an example and set off a large-scale sweet potato movement all over the country, so that those who are dissatisfied with the chicken law know how stupid it is to raise more chickens and how glorious and happy it is to eat sweet potatoes three times a day!

Sure enough, it didn't take long for Yangshan to plant and eat sweet potatoes all over the country, and not many people raised more chickens. I am very satisfied with the item, and the first law has finally been fully implemented. He feels that he is not only a rare genius in the war, but also a rare genius in governing the country.

three

Flying storm

Less than two months after Xiang took office, a large number of people fled, and it was useless to use harsh laws to restrict them. Xiang was particularly surprised, thinking that this country has sweet potatoes every day, which is really a paradise on earth. Why do these vagrants yearn so much for a foreign land exploited by hunger? It was an eternal miracle, and he decided to find the answer by himself.

When he came to the coast, he saw a large number of people fleeing to the sea, just like the death squads charging. They are so indomitable that a large number of troops can't stop them. After a while, his army caught an old man in his seventies and eighties and took him to Zheng Xuan. He asked Zheng Xuan with surprise and concern, "Old man, you are so old, and you are still not at home enjoying your old age. Why do you have to go through all kinds of hardships to escape? " At first, the old man didn't want to say anything, but his face was cold and contemptuous. His expression seemed to say, "Don't play dumb in front of me. Anyway, I'm over 70 years old and I've lived enough. Do what you like! " After waiting for a long time, I felt that the president was still full of expectations for him, so I wanted to tell him clearly: "How can I enjoy the rest of my life?" I have worked hard all my life, and I am over 70 years old. Hunger and cold don't count, and I have to be criticized by you all day. I feel like a dog. I don't want to die, but I still have my son and grandson. I can't let them stay here and suffer, so I will risk my life to take them to other countries. You got it? Mr president. ! ..... "I think it seems a bit bad, and he forgot to answer the old man's question. He suddenly announced that all the reporters accompanying him were arrested and all the fugitives were released, because he soon realized that if such a scandal were known to other countries and the whole world, how would his reputation be damaged in the future? And these fugitives, let them go! In any case, in recent years, natural and man-made disasters have continued in Yang Shan countries, and food is in short supply. Maybe fewer people can alleviate people's hunger! More importantly, it can show his tolerance and democratic feelings, so he gently said to the old man, "Old man, take your family with you!" "We won't stop you ... but foreigners live in dire straits. If you are not used to it and want to return to China, we still welcome you ... "

"Thank you! But I don't think I'll come back even if I'm killed ... "The old man said coldly, and then limped to the seaside to find those frightened relatives ready to cross the sea to other countries.

As soon as Xiang returned to the presidential palace, he coerced the accompanying reporters and taught them how to report this important news, asking them to let the whole world and people around the world know that Yangshan is not only the country with the most sweet potatoes in the world, but also the most enlightened country in the world, and the handling of flight is the most tolerant. This is an unparalleled move in the world.

Since then, news reports have flooded in, all preaching goodwill and goodwill to the president. Xiang jumped out of bed and looked in the mirror for hours. He thinks he is smart enough to turn all harmful events into things that are beneficial to him. Where can there be such a genius? I can't find the second one all over the world!

four

Photo rumor

One day, when Xiang looked in the mirror, he suddenly found a few white hairs and wrinkles on his face. He couldn't help being surprised. He feels that life is short and time flies. What kind of ugliness will he appear in front of people in a few years? This is a question worth thinking about. His eyes suddenly lit up, and he decided to take some commemorative photos for himself, choose the best one and distribute it to thousands of families for future generations. Even if they get old in the future, people will still see themselves when they are young and handsome.

As a result, his photography team took thousands of photos for him. After a day and a night of thinking, he finally took out a photo that he thought was the best and became a "definitive version" for distribution all over the world. He also issued a portrait stamp, telling the world: "Without the president, there would be no Yang Shan country, without the Yang Shan country, there would be no you today, and you have to endure long-term exploitation and oppression in the dark;" In order to pay high tribute to the great president, we now publish the portrait of the president, which must be hung in the central hall for a long time and bow three times before three meals a day. You are sincere and will wish you happiness to the president! Otherwise, you don't love the president and Yang Shan countries, and you will be condemned and scolded by the people all over the country! "

After the imperial edict spread all over the world, every household got a piece of Xuan Xiang at the price of a bucket of rice, and offered it every day like worshipping God and Buddha. However, as soon as this God arrived, there was a once-in-a-century drought in Yang Shan. Most farmers failed to harvest, and people starved to death everywhere. Crying and crying, asking God to worship Buddha, all to no avail. At this time, the government is still urging to change a barrel of rice. In a blink of an eye, he lifted the statue of Xiang from the wall, took out his whip, and while beating hard, he chanted his sins loudly: "I see what happiness you have brought to the people, and you have eaten well for the people, and you have not let the people eat all kinds of things yourself; I live like a fairy, others live like pigs, and I fall under your arrogance day and night, speechless and complaining; Today, I can't stand my voice anymore! I'm starving anyway. I will hit you first, and then I will die! " After hitting the neck, he put the knife rest around the neck and died.

This incident immediately shocked the whole government. In the process of investigation, people have different views on this. Some people say that this man is simply outrageous and dares to be so disrespectful to the president. Really damn it, but everyone is dead, and the punishment won't work. To this end, they are greatly sorry, because they have recently invented a new punishment, which can not only make people endure infinite pain in the body, but also deprive people of their dignity and make them have to live. Others say that this may not be the case. Maybe this person didn't hang the photo firmly, and accidentally dropped it and broke it. In order to punish his mistakes, he flogged himself. Later, he felt that flogging was not enough, so he committed suicide by way of apology. This shows that although he has some mistakes, he is infinitely loyal to the president and deserves sympathy and forgiveness. Finally, after reporting to the superior and learning about it from Zheng Xuan, this matter is very important. If it is not handled properly, it will leave a lasting stigma, which is much more important than this disaster! After the disaster, he can still read, swim and drink in the presidential palace without leaving home, and his life is fairly easy; After this incident, he was a little upset, because he knew that if it was a natural disaster, no matter how serious it was, it would have passed in a year or two, but if it was a man-made disaster, it was a historical event, which would not disappear with the evolution of history, but would become more and more clear with time.

When he came to the scene, he saw that the house had been destroyed and there was not a grain of rice in it. His photo has turned into powder on the ground, and you can't see that these paper ashes are still a human shape! He called all his entourage outside and said he wanted to stay inside alone. He closed the door and stayed alone for a long time. After a while, he came out and announced generously: "In recent years, natural disasters have wreaked havoc, ghosts and gods have made people miserable, and now there are villains making waves, so that this old man can whip his leaders to alienate our country and reap the benefits of fishermen himself." Then, however, he took off his hat, closed his eyes and bowed deeply. Suddenly, dark clouds were gathering, lightning flashed and thunder thundered, and a heavy rain came with great momentum. I don't know whether tears or rain grazed Zheng Xuan's eyes. Everyone said that he cried to the president. It was his sincere heart that touched the sky and finally sent away the disaster god. It rained! It was this wise leader who saved everyone and brought the gospel to Yang Shan.

Xiang returned to the presidential palace, and when he remembered all kinds of situations today, he couldn't help feeling shocked and surprised. Such a genius is not given by man, but by heaven. Are there any other geniuses so lucky? He will solemnly and proudly answer: "chinese odyssey!"

five

Last outing

The item is getting old. One day, he went to the mirror and saw his old and haggard figure. He couldn't help but be surprised: is this the handsome genius before? What is the speed of change! In recent years, he has rarely left the presidential palace, and he doesn't know what the outside world thinks of him! According to the daily newspaper news, he is the greatest president and savior of the people in the history of Yang Shan. Without him, this Yang Shan country would even cease to exist. Animals living in this country may not be people, but goats or rabbits. But he decided to go there himself. First, let people see the president. Second, he may be dying, and he also wants to experience how much prestige he has in this country and see if he enjoys the honor as he did when he was old.

Sitting in the car, he saw a sea of people outside the car, blocking both sides of the wide road, leaving only a small gap for his team to pass slowly. Countless people drove around in his car, and they were very happy when they saw Zheng Xuan. I think the people's respect for him has not decreased with age, but has greatly increased. What an honor! To show his joy, he put his head out of the car and waved to the crowd kindly. People seem to see the sun again after thousands of years of darkness, and they are moved to cry and cry with joy. Some people even fainted to the ground crying. Fortunately, they were rescued by his medical team at once, otherwise they might have died! Item in the mind to completely satisfied. He thinks people in this country are so cute and understand feelings! He held his hand high, giving people greater satisfaction. At this time, a foreign reporter was surprised. He thinks that people in this country dress like beggars all day and have no right at all. How can they have such deep feelings for this president? He immediately interviewed a lady next to him who was crying her eyes out and asked her why she was so moved. Wiping away tears, she said, "My husband and my son were arrested as counter-revolutionaries because they didn't cry during the president's tour and accidentally smiled at the west!" The sadder I cry now, the more I can show my loyalty to the leaders, so that they may still have hope of coming back alive, otherwise I am afraid I will never see them again in my life! So I am not crying for the president, but for my son, my husband and heaven! " After that, he burst into tears again.

On both sides of the car, there are groups of cheering pupils. Suddenly, a primary school student fainted to the ground, and the reporter rushed to see several doctors coming for treatment. After a while, he looked up and said, "Nothing, nothing, but his blood sugar is a little low and he is hungry!" " The reporter was even more surprised, so he asked the pupils, "Kid, why don't you go back for dinner when you are hungry?" She shook her head and replied, "No! I'm already hungry, but I can't go back! The teacher said, wait until the principal's car is out of sight, or you won't pass the final exam! " The reporter repeatedly sighed: "What a strange thing! What a strange thing to have a drink! A person's mood can actually make people all over the world sad! "

He walked for four hours to the place where the motorcade was announced to start, and then gradually separated from the crowd. He instructed the driver to stop and said that he wanted to go for a walk. He walked slowly out of the car and saw a post office next to him. He went in and found the staff busy. He was satisfied with his own portrait stamps on the envelopes. He asked happily, "Is the sales volume of this stamp ok?" The staff member didn't know he was the president, so he went on with his work. Without looking up, he replied, "Not bad, but people often complain that stamps are not pasted well." I took a piece at random, put some saliva on the back of the stamp and stuck it on the envelope. "Isn't it tight?" He asked. "but ... everyone vomits in front!"

"ah!" A let out a cry and vomited blood several times and died on the ground.

What's so-called fame in a thousand years, fame in ten thousand years? When you die, it will be gone. If you hadn't seen it with your own eyes, he would never believe that he was notorious and condemned.