Desperate for a sketch script

How time flies! In the blink of an eye, she became an old lady. Looking back on my girlhood, boys were loved by everyone, which almost kept my unmarried husband busy. The love letter alone wrote me a small sack. What happened afterwards? Later, he gave birth to a son and became a policeman. He is really handsome. Because of what? Isn't it obvious? I am beautiful, and the old man is not bad. Go and find my son-what's this called? Frank.

B: My daughter graduated from the police academy and dealt with crimes all day. My old lady was frightened when I heard the screams of the police car. On the fifteenth day of the first lunar month, I will burn incense and pray (hold incense and kowtow), Guanyin, Tathagata, Queen Mother, Jesus, Christ, monk, and the old road. You call this superstition, which I think is very important. No one present is allowed to divulge secret information to me. My daughter knows that she is going to quarrel with me.

C: I am busy getting married and having children in my twenties and thirties, and I am busy saving money to buy a house in my forties and fifties. I became an old woman while waiting for my daughter-in-law to give birth to a fat grandson, while she was busy solving crimes all day. Alas, one day she will give me a big belly without balls.

D: My daughter married the son-in-law of a policeman, and no one in the neighborhood was angry. Because of my fat daughter.

A: What's the matter?

D: it's not easy to meet a son-in-law. Busy, he was too busy to keep his eyes open. He turned off the light and had to go out again when the phone rang. As soon as the case came out, he was too busy to sleep well, eat well and not see each other for three months.

Then write to him!

Send it to Yi Meier (e-mail).

D: You don't know. My daughter was like me when she was a child. She must have been overweight when she weighed herself on the scale. She moves all over when she takes a step, and her eyes are cracked when she laughs. Students imitate her and make her laugh at her. In a rage, they stopped studying. He is also a big illiterate.

Answer: It is called "Dragon begets dragon, phoenix begets phoenix, and the son of a mouse can ..."

D: "I can make holes", which is hard to say. Old cats bend over to sleep with their kittens in their arms, handed down from generation to generation. Clever to his daughter, not with his father (pointing to himself), but with her mother; I can play erhu and draw.

B: How can a big illiterate write a letter?

D: My daughter had a plan when she frowned and drew cartoons for her son-in-law.

What did you draw?

D: The top is Big Wolf, and the bottom is Erhu.

A: Wolves have nothing to do with erhu and Fengma! Dog legs are pulled with wolf tendons, but erhu can't be pulled!

D: My daughter refers to Lang Yalang, my husband and wife. Come back and have a look sometime. Our family lives happily, including Langli, Granry and Granry Grant. If you want to miss our mom and dad, put on the DVD recorded in the New Year.

Your daughter is very romantic.

C: The wife of a police officer. This is called a big official, a big official and a big wife. The wife of a police officer is not bad.

D: The letter was broken when the son-in-law caught it.

A: What's the matter?

He understood it in turn. He said that the girl's letter said: Lang Lang, Lang Lang, come back quickly. If you don't come back, I won't have the heart to play erhu with others.

I'm afraid this is not your daughter. Nine times out of ten, you did it when you were young, right?

How do you know I did it? You really guessed right. My old man came back indiscriminately and gave me a good beating.

Dare he hit you? Goodbye, Goodall.

Ding: ok, please, I'll marry your old man? But I'm not afraid of him hitting me. As the saying goes, dead mice are not afraid of cold, and I am fatter than this. He was panting, and I was very comfortable lying on the kang, as if the massage lady had stepped on me barefoot several times.

The man who marries you will go to the temple fair naked-

What do you mean?

I lost everyone.

D: I don't wear clothes except taking a shower. I sleep in fancy pajamas. I'll put on more clothes when I arrive (read it three times).

You are very capable of keeping pace with the times.

D: I didn't lose everyone, but my son-in-law who is a policeman worked hard all day and lost all his hair. I wrote him a poem to describe his baldness.

C: You can still write poems? Is it a poem with "nonsense"?

D: you curse! Fine 100 yuan.

C: Then you are a white radish.

A: You don't even know the allusions of "nonsense", but you still write poems?

B: It is said that one day it snowed heavily, and scholars, businessmen, rich people and farmers all took shelter under a temple. The scholar said: "Snow is falling in succession", the businessman said: "This is the royal spirit", and the rich man said: "Why didn't it rain for three years?" The farmer was so anxious that he would starve to death if he didn't get food in the next three years, so he retorted loudly, "Fuck you!" " Even primary school students know this, don't you know?

Tell me about your poem.

D: I didn't write it. I changed Chairman Mao's poems.

A: Do you dare to change Chairman Mao's poems? You are playing tricks on the Buddha's head and ruining the sage!

D: it's called peeling poem. Hum, listen, what I changed was Chairman Mao's Nian Nu Jiao: "Kun Peng spread his wings and turned around in Wan Li. Looking down at the sky, the son-in-law has no hair. "

A: Haha, your son-in-law is bald!

D: (seriously) Don't laugh. Although the son-in-law is grateful, wearing a police uniform and a police cap is more elegant and graceful. Look at the heads, professors and scientists on TV. Aren't they all making their debut (touching their heads)?

B: Will Zhao Zhangguang's 10 1 go bankrupt when baldness becomes popular?

Have any of you met my son-in-law?

A, B and C: No. ..

D: A prime-time TV series "The Director of Public Security" broadcast by CCTV the other day was about my son-in-law.

A, B and C: Li Bureau, Huo Bureau or Dai Bureau?

D: Of course, Pu Cunxin plays the role of Director Li in the play. I heard that Pu Cunxin is the idol of middle-aged women.

A, B and C: We dreamt about him at night.

D: You are still middle-aged people who can't die. What a toad trying to eat swan meat, Pu Cunxin and my son-in-law. My son-in-law is middle-aged. See him every day "valiant, crossing the Yalu River ..."

A: Hold on (gesturing). What is your son-in-law doing in Korea?

D: Oh, that's too much.

A: In terms of prestige, look at my son, (singing) "Brave, heroic and dignified,

B: If you want to talk about prestige, look at my daughter, (singing) "Brave, spirited, dignified,

C: Look at my daughter-in-law, (singing) "heroic, heroic, majestic,

Catch thieves, criminals, drugs and pornography.

My son is a good policeman.

My daughter, Sal Lang.

C: The daughter-in-law is virtuous.

D: My son-in-law is filial to my mother-in-law. "

A: Look how beautiful you are. You only see steamed bread without steaming, and you only see children without health. Hard work, hard work, danger, character, which one of you can do it?

B: We can't. Can we have them?

C: My daughter-in-law was not born to me.

D: My son-in-law was not born to me either.

B: If you are not born, call your mother. If you don't tell her not to come into your house, you can tell how many children you have by looking at your mother's heels.

No, 70% will do.

A: My son once said that he would solve a big case, but we haven't seen each other for more than a month. The Chinese New Year is coming, and my wife and I quietly went to the station to see him. I saw seven or eight policemen singing softly around the circle.

Did you sing "Go home often"?

How did you know?

Me too. I went in through the back door.

D: me too. I go in through the small door.

A, B, C and D sing together: (full of affection) I want to go home and have a look, even if I sneak a look through the window. Wives, children, parents, and the elderly are looking forward to peace every day, and the people's police should bravely shoulder heavy burdens and rush ahead. I want to go home and have a look, even a cup of hot tea and a bowl of instant noodles. Father, retired mother and elderly children have to be taken care of. How can a service enterprise take care of a small family?

Stop singing, the thief is coming.

C: I will take care of it. Money is hard to buy old fat, and thieves dare not fuck me.

B: Why did the thief fuck you and steal your skin?

D: don't steal it. Whoever can help me take it off, I will give it to him for free, and I will stick it backwards.

C: free? Stick it backwards? Who cooks with lard now? Hyperlipidemia!

A: What are you afraid of when the thief comes? My son is an anti-pickpocketing expert. As long as the thief dares to do it, my son will handcuff him and twist him away.

D: Did your son go to thief school? Why is it so amazing?

Your son just went to thief school.

B: It's called a university. Now the police have exchanged guns for guns. It's high-tech, technical secondary school, and everyone's kung fu is unusual. Criminals who dare to go down the sea of fire and go up the mountain are all frightened.

C: According to my daughter-in-law, the police in our mining area are very powerful! What kind of policemen, policemen, traffic policemen, road policemen, patrolmen, bailiffs, policemen, film policemen, mounted policemen, internet policemen, fire alarms, water wells-

D: Where did you get the marine police (well)?

C: I mean that if employees' families have difficulties, such as cutting off water and gas, someone will call the police to solve them.

D: Water, electricity, gas and heating all belong to the logistics department. You got it?

C: You poison the water, light the gas, and then explode. Just dial 1 10, and the police car will stop in front of your building immediately. If you get it back, you will be sentenced to ten years in prison.

D: Can your daughter solve this case?

B: There is nothing that my daughter can't solve. Dig deep and let him show his true colors, and then look at his * * * *.

A: Look at others' * *? Is she crazy, holding a telescope to see which boy is handsome upstairs and secretly writing letters to others?

Ding: You can't draw Grey Wolf and Erhu when you write letters, lest people fight.

B: Fuck you. My daughter is a medical examiner. She graduated from college and went abroad to study. She is best at dissecting corpses. If you dare to drink tetramine, she will gut you so that you can't mess around any more.

A: Don't say those unlucky words casually, just pray for the police. Look at them. "The country lives and dies, why not avoid it because of disaster?" . It is not easy to have one foot in the Yang boundary and one foot in the Yin boundary. The police profession is the most dangerous profession. Isn't there a special "dangerous police" post? Audience friends, am I right?

B: the tree wants to be quiet, but the wind will not stop! Some bastards eat when they have nothing to do and make trouble in different ways.

Captain: Hey, you! Tell your playboy little old man not to have that kind of bad water in his stomach, not to eat game in that dirty place, and not to see my police wife.

D: what's the matter

C: She specializes in eliminating pornography and illegal publications. It's that old lady blowing her nose-

D: that's disgusting

A: The critical moment is certain.

Ding: The police in our bureau are the best among us. They are illiterate and have both ability and political integrity, thanks to the good leadership of my police son-in-law. Why don't you three please the old lady quickly?

A, B and C: What are you kissing up to?

How dare you!

B: You can tell how tall your daughter is by her heels. On the other hand, you can tell how good her mother is by looking at her heels. Not only are the eight sisters and nine sisters heroes, but the old lady can also lead troops to fight!

A: Do you mean that the four old ladies can also show us the skills of catching and fighting?

B, C and D: Yes! Instead of wandering in front of the audience, we thought we were just a gray grass donkey that could bark. Come-

A, B and C (performing Kung Fu in turn)

Son-in-law, catch that guy. (Actress issues musical instruments)

Is this your son-in-law?

D: It's my secretary. (Playing Little Swan Dance, Party A, Party B and Party C dance Little Swan Dance together; Then play the theme song of plainclothes police, with chorus A, B and C. )

Several degrees of wind and rain, several degrees of spring and autumn, wind, frost, rain and snow, rapids and rapids.

After a lot of hardships, my infatuation will not change, and my young ambition will not worry.

The golden shield is made of blood, which shows its skill in danger.

For the mother's smile, for the harvest of the earth, there is no fear in the eventful years. ……

(curtain call)

Author: Duan Yongxian