Looking for medical sketches

A clinic in a health center has a sign of all diseases clinic. In the door, an old doctor (Zhao Benshan) is seeing a doctor, and an old nurse (Song Dandan) is wearing a mask and shouting. Outside, a patient (Fan Wei) is waiting to be called. At this moment, Cui Yongyuan, the host of CCTV's "Tell the truth" program, came outside the clinic, and he saw the sign of the clinic stop.

Cui Yongyuan All Diseases Clinic ... This is it. He is a doctor who can cure all kinds of diseases, otherwise he wouldn't dare to hang such a brand.

listen to me carefully, patient doctor. What's going on here? It's always jammed.

doctors (and patients) don't have to listen to anything. You go for a x-ray and a CT scan. I'll show you when I get back.

How much is the patient's X-ray?

two hundred and fifty, doctor. CT 888.

Patient (standing up and sitting down in shock)?

why did the doctor sit down again? Go!

patient (standing up) ah ... ah, that's expensive.

The nurse (who wants to talk to the patient, but he has already left, and turned to the doctor) is not ill. Why do you want him to have a fluoroscopy?

how can I buy a laptop for my grandson if the doctor doesn't see through? How can I earn money for my second grandson's mobile phone without CT? (Shouting) Next!

Nurse (shouting) Come in on the 3rd!

[ patients outside the door enter the room. Cui Yongyuan poked his head outside the clinic.

the nurse (rushes to the patient) sits down.

[ patient sits down.

what's the matter with you, doctor? What's wrong?

the patient has toothache.

A doctor's toothache is not a disease; it hurts like hell. Open your mouth, let me see ... Nothing! The mouth is quite good!

how does it hurt?

doctor, just because you have a good mouth doesn't mean you're not sick. There are two molars bitten by insects!

patient? Is it serious?

the doctor is not serious. what are you doing here?

patient? That's right. Doctor, what are you doing?

There seems to be a hole on both sides of the doctor ...

Patient hole? How big is the hole?

the doctor is quite big, ah, I can't see clearly. You go for fluoroscopy first, and then do CT.

Nurse, he has a toothache. Just prescribe some medicine!

Patient: Yes, I'll prescribe some painkillers.

what do you know, doctor (and nurse)? Can you see where the bugs are without perspective? Can you find out other diseases on him without CT? I suspect that he has other diseases. (to the patient) Go ahead! Come back! You'd better have a B-ultrasound.

patient?

Nurse, what kind of B-ultrasound do you want someone to do? She's not pregnant either!

the patient is. I am a man. There is a mistake.

what's wrong with the doctor! You can see clearly by B-ultrasound. Even the male and female can see it. I mean the bug in your teeth!

[ The patient left in doubt. Cui Yongyuan entered the room.

Nurse (to the doctor), I said take it easy!

what can I do for you, doctor? Shout!

Nurse (turns around and shouts) Next! (See Cui Yongyuan already standing at the door) Why did this all come in? Why do you look so familiar? Old man, he looks like Cui Yongyuan!

there's nothing wrong with doctors!

Cui Yongyuan, if it isn't uncle! I am Cui Yongyuan!

doctors and nurses? Are you really trav?

[ The nurse takes off the mask.

aunt Cui Yongyuan, why are you here?

Nurse, I am your uncle's assistant! Sit down!

Cui Yongyuan (sits down and asks) Uncle and aunt, how did you become doctors?

don't you know about the doctor? It's been over a month!

Nurse, I told you to tell Xiao Cui, but you wouldn't let me.

Cui Yongyuan, why? I didn't offend uncle!

Nurse, he said he'd talk nonsense and tell you later. So I can surprise you!

don't surprise me with Cui Yongyuan. Uncle, this doctor has been working for more than a month.

fifty days, to be exact, doctor.

Cui Yongyuan (looking at the clinic) This has changed a lot. I remember the last time I interviewed you two was six years ago, that was-

The nurse was at CCTV, and you invited us. It's been more than six years, and I miss you so much!

Cui Yongyuan, I miss you, too. I don't understand how you became a doctor. Look at aunt, like a nurse.

Nurse, you have a good eye.

The doctor (tells the nurse) goes to turn over the sign and says that he will not make house calls if he orders today. I want to make out with Xiao Cui. It's just chatter.

Cui Yongyuan startled me.

[ The nurse went out to turn over the sign of the all-purpose clinic and came back.

Cui Yongyuan, I saw a sign hanging on the door. Uncle, you can always cure all diseases. Why didn't you tell me last time?

Nurse, he can't cure all diseases. He's bluffing!

doctor, what are you talking about! Talk nonsense in front of trav! I can't cure it. Can somebody else's health center hire me? Can you let me hang up the sign of all-purpose clinic? I'm not bragging. This all-purpose clinic is the only one in China. Who dares to hang up

No one dares to hang up in Cui Yongyuan.

doctor, this is the result of reform!

Cui Yongyuan is still the fruit of reform. This hospital was reformed in this way. Uncle and aunt, I want to ask, how did you become doctors and nurses in hospitals?

doctor (nurse), you let him talk!

Nurses are engaged in the reform of health centers and openly invite public tenders.

Cui Yongyuan is looking for doctors and nurses.

Nurses are contracted out to all departments of health centers. The news reached us, and I came as soon as I got together with your uncle.

Cui Yongyuan recruited doctors and nurses. Why are you hired?

Doctors are good doctors. Who will come to the township health center? The rest are 255 doctors. It's good not to strangle the living. So we have to open recruitment.

Cui Yongyuan, so you're hired? I still don't understand. Why do you have to be a doctor and graduate as a nurse? Do you have a certificate?

doctor's certificate? What certificate?

Cui Yongyuan is a certificate, certificate or something that allows him to practice medicine.

doctor, I have the certificate.

Nurse, he does have a certificate.

Cui Yongyuan? Well, if you have a certificate, you can apply.

Nurse, his certificate is a veterinary certificate.

Cui Yongyuan? Is it a veterinary license?

it's good for a doctor to have a veterinary certificate. In our place, those without certificates are still on duty.

Cui Yongyuan, they are so daring here. The competition must have been fierce at that time, uncles and aunts. How did you get hired?

I also went to the nurse recruitment. That battle-oh, my God! All red-eyed! That man came! It's like traveling on Shenzhou 1 for nothing.

Aunt Cui Yongyuan, Shenzhou 1 hasn't been built yet.

Last interview with the nurse, didn't you want me to think about tomorrow? As soon as the Spring Festival program was broadcast, we, a knot in one's heart, had a good imagination. After the success of Shenzhou V and Shenzhou VI, it was spread that our country would build a moon city on the moon, saying that God 7 sent a rabbit to the moon first, God 8 our astronauts landed on the moon, God 9 built a city on the moon, and when God 1 arrived, they took the people to the moon city to play.

Cui Yongyuan and others really dare to imagine. Aunt, tell me about the job fair at that time.

the doctor's situation is that the health center proposes to contract out various departments. Like selling animals, the reserve price is 5 thousand.

Cui Yongyuan, I know this. Contracting a department costs 5, yuan to the hospital.

fifty thousand doctors is the least. Like obstetrics and gynecology, surgery has to pay 1 thousand.

why is there so much difference between Cui Yongyuan and China?

There are many doctors in obstetrics and gynecology and surgery. There are many children in rural areas, and there are many people who have touched their jobs, so the income of these two subjects is more. There are also many reserve prices.

Cui Yongyuan is like this. It's understandable to charge more.

doctor, so from the beginning, everyone has been working hard on these two subjects. Put forward the plan, talk about the idea, talk about the idea. As soon as I look at it, it will be bad. Look at this posture, it's rude to the furious! I'm afraid I can't compete with others unless I take out my unique skills!

there is another sketch! ! ! ! ! ! ! :

Narrator: In a rural health center. A and B are students who have just come to the hospital for internship. Director Xu, the only doctor of acupuncture.

In the morning, the director and B are in the clinic. The director asked B: Do you know what to pay attention to when seeing a doctor? B shook his head, and the director said, be sure to pay attention to the preferences of patients. B nodded and looked down at the book. At this time, Party A came in with a schoolbag under his arm and a bag of breakfast in his hand, yawning and stretching countless times (note, during the performance, Party A yawned constantly, giving people a feeling of laziness), and Party B was immersed in reading)

Master: Xiao Jia, why are you late again today? Did you go to Zhang Zhongjing again last night?

a: no. I don't know any Zhang Zhongjing.

master: didn't you say last week that you had to take a leave of absence from an old Chinese doctor named Zhang Zhongjing every night?

a: this * * * * this * * * * *

master: have you written the medical record?

a: [lowers his head] not yet, but soon.

Lord: What the hell did you do last night?

a: yesterday ... yesterday ... [thoughtful]

Lord: ah! Can't you remember? Probably playing games online and chatting with MM again, huh? ! Busy. There is no time to write medical records!

At this moment, the telephone rang (narrator), and the director answered the phone: "Hello. Hmm. Ok, ok. I'll be right there. "

[the Lord shakes his head and sighs] aye. Students now! Either don't read, or just read. I'm going to consult now. The patient will come later and ask him to wait. Don't fool around, you two. [bottom] (B has been reading again during this time, as if he didn't hear the conversation between A and B at all)

(The green word means in advance, and the dialogue between A and B is arranged later. Give people the feeling that the director has been away for a while. )

a: I've watched acupuncture therapeutics (word for word) for almost five times.

b: just seven times. [Continue reading ]

A: What a bookworm.

[ A pulls out a white coat with a gray trumpet, puts it on, pours water, takes a newspaper and eats breakfast ]

Narrator: While A is eating breakfast and watching the sports news with relish, a patient comes. [hands clasped in the belly, frowning, pale, slowly ascending]

D: Doctor, I had loose bowels last night, and I was weak all night. Please have a look.

[A continues to read the newspaper, which seems to be in high spirits]

D: [Increasing the volume, but still vibrato] Doctor, I had loose bowels last night, which made me weak. Please have a look quickly.

a: [Don't look up, keep reading the newspaper] The weak market can only explain one problem: the team's poor performance. If the results are not good, naturally there are no people watching the ball. It is strange that the ball market is not weak.

ding: [puzzled] doctor, I'm not talking about the weakness of the ball market, I'm talking about my physical weakness.

a: [a continues to read the newspaper without looking up] what's wrong?

ding: I had diarrhea last night. I had diarrhea all night, and I feel weak. Please have a look.

A: [A and B look up at the same time] He has loose bowels and visits the acupuncture department. He is probably a nerd.

a: take out your paws and I'll feel your pulse. [holding out his hand as he talks]

Ding; What do you mean, claws? Those are hands.

a: [it doesn't matter] it's all the same. change that thing (that thing into front paws? ) take it out.

a: [pressing on the side of the ruler, touching it for a long time, talking to himself] hey, strange, why doesn't this guy have a pulse? The pulse is heartbroken ~ ~ ~ ~ Your pulse potential is also blindly booing with the ball potential < P >, and it's hopeless < P > B: < P > Come on, do you think that the ruler side can also cause * * * vibration?

d: [confused] doctor, you are riding on the back of my hand! People always take the bus here (referring to the radial side)

A: [Suddenly realizing, trying to hide it] People are people, and I am me. I am used to taking the bus here first. Do you care? Are you a doctor or am I a doctor? [unashamed and domineering]

D: [sorry] Of course you are. I'm just asking. Go on.

a: what's wrong there?

ding: [a little annoyed] I just said that! I have a stomachache. I want to pull it all night, but I can't pull it out. The back is hot and my ass almost sticks to the toilet.

a: [no fire]

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ How many days have you been pulling?

d: didn't you just say that? It started last night, and then it was bloody in the stool. If we drag on, people will die. Doctor, please help me.

a; [A presses C's stomach hard, and C yells in pain] Why are you screaming so hard after pulling all night? Not seriously ill. Blood in the stool? What color is it?

d: bright red. It's so scary Doctor, do you think I'm dying?

a: bright red? Probably hemorrhoids. I'll give you some hemorrhoids suppository, and it will work when you plug it in.

D: Really? Thank you, doctor. I will take this medicine on time. How many times a day?

At this time, B looked up: A, he had diarrhea all night, which didn't look like hemorrhoids. Ask him what he ate last night. What do you like to eat at ordinary times? Look at his tongue coating and pulse.

a: [to b] bookworm, you are very careful. [To Ding] Open your mouth.

C: Ah ~ ~ ~ [One mouth, A, learn to stay away at once ]

A: Oh, my God. Are you opening your mouth or taking off your shoes? It tastes great. (waving his hand in front of his nose)

D: What, I have to take off my shoes.

[ A and B stop it] No need.

a: what did you eat last night? [ask and feel your pulse ]

D: I didn't eat anything special either. It was yesterday that I saw a dead piglet at the entrance to the village. I think it's a pity to throw it away. Picked it up and went home to eat a roast suckling pig. I'm not finished yet ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A: Ah! This is not special? People like B usually don't know what to eat in particular. It must be bad! ! ! Pay attention next time.

ding: [suddenly enlighted, slapping his thigh] so that's it! Then next time I pick dead piglets, I will definitely * * * *

A and B: [simultaneously] I will never eat them again!

d: I must wash it before eating.

a and b: cough.

a: is that all right? But our hospital likes you as a self-funded patient. Come here often when you are sick. I'll get you a VIP card and enjoy a 5% discount.

b; A, I think he has bad breath, burning anus, bright red blood in his stool, yellow greasy fur and slippery pulse. The book says these all indicate fever. And be urgent before heavy. It should be damp and hot. The book says that the prescription should be Tian Shu, Shangjuxu, Sanyinjiao, Dazhui, Hegu, Taichong and Weizhong.

a: it's on my back again. Are you thirsty? Do you want some water?

b: how can you practice without theory like you? {b wan took up the sleeves and took out the silver needle} ~ ~ talking to himself ~ ~ ~ ~ There are calluses all over his body. I don't know if such a slender silver needle can cope with

{ stabbing the spine ~} Ding frequently turns back, which is very worrying ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

B: Don't move, if you move like this, I can't aim at the needle accurately. Or do you want me to give you something compulsory, {immediately strike the table }

D: Doctor, are you taking an injection or transplanting rice? Doctor, how many injections have you taken?

B: I haven't got any yet ~ ~ ~ ~ I'm ashamed to say that it's all your fault.

D: I feel dizzy ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~