Money loves me, I love money.

I thought about it for several days, but I didn't know how to write it. After so many years, the road is too long, and I don't know what to go and what to leave. Now that I have written off and on, I won't say much. This article is devoted to my relationship with money, and even this theme can't be established, because it's unfair to money, just a long change in my unilateral attitude towards money.

I grew up in a small town on the 18th Road. My parents are "young people in the new era" and don't want to farm. They seemed to be rich at one time, but they lost all their property a few years later because of their father's gambling. My mother started by setting up a stall, slowly accumulated and opened a shop to support my brother and me. Dad's gambling debts have not been paid off until recent years, and I am about to celebrate my 30th birthday.

I fell in love with my husband when I was in college. Later, when we rented a house outside, the expenses began to increase. One month 500 yuan plus his 1000 yuan living expenses is far from enough. I work part-time and he works. But because there are too many small and chaotic companies, he has changed one job after another. Every month we were hard up, borrowed money from classmates and friends, and later opened a credit card. Rob Peter to pay Paul, the debt has been increasing. Then just after graduating from my senior year, my mother told me to go back to my hometown and get engaged to my husband, because I was afraid that if we stayed together for a long time, we would suddenly get pregnant and not get engaged, which would be ugly. So we went home. My husband really wanted a car. He asked his father to pay a down payment of 50,000 yuan for him, bought a car of 1 10000, and promised to pay it back 1750 yuan/month. Later, when we returned to Beijing, we had rent to pay, monthly payment to pay, and my husband had to find a job. I was the intern's salary. Make ends meet, continue to borrow money. By the time I found out I was pregnant, excluding my student loan, we already owed more than 15000. It seems very little now, but the psychological pressure on me was already great.

Then, we made a decision that looked very stupid later-opening a restaurant to start a business. My husband and another friend are partners, and both take money from home, which is almost 300,000 yuan. The two silly children were preoccupied with the ideal business conditions, and never considered the poor business conditions and labor costs. Later, when the decoration was finished, my husband asked my parents again because the money was not enough. At the instigation of my husband, I took advantage of my working conditions to apply for a credit card with a limit of 20,000 yuan and a "XX Easy Loan Insurance" of 35,000 yuan, which I have to pay back to the insurance company 1.720 yuan every month. The minimum monthly repayment of rent, car loan, loan principal and interest and credit card has exceeded 6000 yuan. This is not our daily expenses, and I quit my job when I was pregnant for more than three months because I couldn't stand morning sickness seven times a day (commuting for nearly five hours). Then the operation of the hotel is not ideal. At first, I hired a chef from my hometown to make pasta (the signboard is iron plate fried noodles, which is a famous snack in our hometown). As a result, the chef was unreliable, the staff dormitory was rented and the kitchen equipment was bought back. He raised his salary many times. My husband felt that such a person would not last long, so he let him go in a rage. Later, I confessed and confessed, and I didn't find anything good. After working for about a month, he felt that business was sluggish (he was too impatient, in fact, there were already repeat customers at that time), and he and another partner decided to redecorate and cook Sichuan food. The renovation cost tens of thousands of dollars. A chef of Sichuan cuisine recommended by others, plus the side dishes of the back kitchen, the delivery of lotus flowers and the waiter in the front hall, the salary of a moonlight is more than 20 thousand, and the daily turnover is simply not enough to cover the cost. Later, at the worst time, a chef was left in the kitchen, my father-in-law killed fish in it, my husband was cooking side dishes, my mother-in-law picked vegetables and washed them, and I was pregnant and checked out. In this way, there was no money at all in the last few months, so I had to take my father-in-law's retirement salary to meet the wages of only two employees. My husband is a person who is very concerned about hairstyle. He shaved his head twice in the year when he opened a restaurant.

But misery cannot dilute the seriousness of the situation. When I was nine months pregnant, my husband and I braved the freezing rain and drove out to borrow money. As a result, we were rear-ended by the first two cars. When the baby was born, the nurse recommended me to have a painless injection. I dare not take it, for fear that my husband doesn't have that much money with him. My two children were born naturally, and the hospitalization expenses added up to less than 4000 yuan. Debt is like a snowball, rolling bigger and bigger. When we can't even afford the minimum repayment amount of credit card, the monthly interest of student loan and the monthly fee of XX Easy Loan Insurance, we realize that the debt is out of control.

During that time, I was bombarded by bank dunning calls, just like those people in the scorching sun. I am always worried that I will be knocked at the door by the police. Only my husband and I know what happened between us and have to hide it from my in-laws. Finally, my husband tried to transfer the hotel, and finally got rid of it, and nothing was left. One of the hundreds of thousands of transferred money was given to two partners, and more than 70,000 points from my husband's side were given to my parents (because the hotel lost them a lot of money as a little atonement, our own debt black hole dared not tell them or even use the money), so we both lost our jobs. At that time, my eldest son was only three months old. I had to go out to look for a job and go to work at least three times a day to nurse my child. However, the new job ended after only one month, and the boss said that my ability was too average. Then I stopped to think for more than five months, because I felt that my life was too messy, especially my work. If you are interested in the specific context, you can go to "Quasi-diaosi Non-counterattack Series 1", which is a long article I wrote at the end of 20 13.

Later, on 20 13, 10, we joined a Korean company to make car bodies for Beijing Hyundai. My husband is a driver and I am a clerk. After two months, my husband finally made up his mind to tell my parents to go back to my hometown (that kind of work depends on overtime, and the company bought comprehensive insurance for the driver, and didn't treat the driver as a person at all. The pick-up and drop-off machine says whatever time it is, no matter when you go home from your last shift. So we went back to our ancestral home in the village before the Spring Festival in 20 14, because no one lived in it for several years after grandparents died, and the year in the north was extremely cold. It's really a cold day.

From that time to the beginning of 20 16 (the second child is one year old), I breast-fed, and I didn't need milk powder. I spent about 200 yuan a month, because in the village, I had to spend everything except meals and orders at the door (at this time, my previous phone was already useless, and it was already overdue in the bank. 20/kloc-when my parents asked me to go to sanya in June, 2008, I secretly cried and told my brother that I didn't know whether I could fly or not, and I didn't become an executor in these years until I bought a plane ticket. This is my husband's living expenses squeezed out of various doorways. His parents are humiliating him, and it is really difficult for him to start a business again. Finally, another former friend trusted him and invested him to set up a bottled water plant in our hometown village (another business was decided by patting his head, thinking that a bucket of water didn't cost money at all). You can imagine how many nails were hit, and finally the factory was built and the documents were issued (public relations was almost 30 thousand). Well, the source of tourists is a big problem. Alas, these bitter tears, forget it ... After several years of operation, nothing has improved.

My husband is still unwilling. After all, my wife and two children have to continue to toss. At that time, it happened that it was raining and the water truck road slipped off. I just got out of the hospital with a broken calf, and I'm still walking on crutches. My husband used these two good and disabled feet to drive to the county to "seek development", and when he got off the bus, he took out his cane and continued to walk with it. In a few days, I opened a company, acting as an agent for an intelligent store management system in Shenzhen. My husband's sales ability is really good Before long, he turned and left normally, and the customer did it perfectly. He also pulled me out of the village and said I couldn't continue to tie myself to the children. Then I finally returned to the workplace and went back to my grandparents' home once a week to take care of the children.

But it's not that easy to get things done. Husband's sales ability is good, but in a small county town in a fourth-and fifth-tier city, relationship is king. Public relations hospitality is an expense that you can't save. There are also fixed expenses such as salaries and office rent for five or six employees ... It was easy at first, but it soon weakened, and the money earned by customers was not enough for daily expenses. My husband has started the debt rolling mode again, which is really distressing.

Later, I tossed a takeaway light meal and a smart POS, and they all went away ...

Everyone understands the truth, but there is no detour. Now my husband's career is finally on the right track. After years of hard life, I also came out of my low-value disease.

In the first few years, I was in a serious state of avoiding money and making money. Why should I run away? Because it's too painful to face. It can see "I don't want to see me", persecuted, humiliated, resented, afraid, painful, lacking, powerless …

These are mostly brought to me by my childhood growth experience. My father gambles excessively, and my mother always cries for poverty without hesitation, and marries all her fears, anxieties, pains and powerlessness about money to me. She never buys me clothes I like, and always does what she wants (except once, only once). Elementary school hardly gave me pocket money. I was humiliated because I wanted to eat chocolate and steal money, and I buried my hatred in my heart. I swear I will never be humiliated like this again. When I graduated from college, my parents and relatives advised me to take the postgraduate entrance examination, just for a starting salary of several thousand yuan more than that of undergraduates. I feel arrogant, and I resolutely give up all the conditions that are "good" to me. I just want to use my talent to open up a world. My parents threatened my marriage with money, and my in-laws kept saying "Qian Qian Qian Qian ...". My fear and hatred of money has become darker and more distorted. Especially on the issue of making money, my subconscious can't accept that I have become the kind of person who "does it for money …" because I hate, despise and hate those people who "Chichiwa and Qian Qian …" all day.

So in recent years, I have tried every means to escape. After graduating from a famous university, I worked as a rural woman all day and even worked as a "water delivery worker" in a rural town. I just don't want to, but I just can't get through.

Later, in the process of writing Healing, I suddenly realized that what I hurt was not money, but someone. In fact, I don't have to resist money to avoid making money at all, and I won't be that kind of person.

The other part is my inferiority complex, guilt and crouching. As mentioned above, before our debts got out of control, we borrowed money from friends and relatives other than banks. What's it like not to be friends for years? When others need money. ...

Everything I was afraid and worried about happened, and nothing left behind. The path I took was extreme, and not everyone could walk, so I came over and completely dealt with my subconscious relationship with money. Now I'm out. In the past year or so, I have paid off some debts, both from the bank and from my friends. I have also tried how happy it is to get money in return and recognition from the outside world through my own efforts and abilities.

Finally, I got through my own channels to make money, and I had the courage to open a small white financial camp for long-term investment. Now, when I tell these experiences, I am no longer ashamed, but simply want to share them with my brothers and sisters. You are really great. You have the consciousness of making money and managing money at such a young age, so you also have an advantage. Come on! Money is a good thing, and it is our love and responsibility to manage it well. Debt is really not fun, very not fun, very not fun.

Another point, financial management is to manage life. It's really not a slogan, it's my personal experience. It has been more than three years since I started bookkeeping. Of course, in addition to the daily fixed expenses of the family, through the review and analysis of your personal consumption, you can deeply perceive your inner desires and sort out the chaos.

Finally, I would like to thank the class and several senior sisters, as well as the invigilator and the class Committee for their encouragement and interaction. "Who hasn't got any KPI yet?" Although it is ridiculous to laugh at myself, I, a person who is really "poor all my youth", really understand the value of this career done by Changtou! Thank you, Changtou School, for doing so. Thank you, I finally started to act. Thank you, Ban Ban and my sisters for their help. I just want us to get on the rich train together!

Come on, friends! No one can grow up without making mistakes. As long as we are alive and willing to work hard, everything can start again!