If your parents are here, you will have a way back for the rest of your life; if your parents are gone, you will have only where you came from for the rest of your life.

It was a severe cold yesterday, the last solar term among the twenty-four solar terms.

?“After the Great Cold, it’s another year.” The arrival of the Great Cold heralds that the Spring Festival is coming, and spring is not far away. The breath of spring is hanging on the treetops, hanging on the shelves, and falling in the eyes of children with a bright red color. It also involves many emotions about the Spring Festival in our hearts.

People who have planned to return to their hometown have already kept an eye on the tickets for this place and their hometown on WeChat, in the ticket booking system, and on TV news. In this era of advanced information and widespread use of modern equipment, some people are calling for the creation of special ticket purchase channels for those who cannot use modern equipment, and some are giving them free tickets home...

Situation Different, but the same goal: to go home.

?Going home is a warm word. In this cold season, it is carried in people's arms, warmed and cared for. And I finally understood the meaning of going home when I reached middle age. I also better understand the simple idea of ??"rich or not, go home to celebrate the New Year", which is rooted in the hearts of every Chinese.

Sixteen years ago, as soon as I graduated, I gave up my job as a teacher in my hometown town and went to the provincial capital without hesitation and confusion. I have been wandering outside for half a year, but I have not been able to find a stable job. The New Year is approaching, and when I return home with little money, I cannot get any comfort and comfort from my relatives in the Spring Festival. I am sensitive by nature. Amidst the rolling eyes and complaints, in the cold winter nights in the north, in the warmth of family reunions with neighbors, I was afraid and crying alone.

?On the sixth day of the Lunar New Year, I stepped on the snow that had not had time to melt, and once again stepped on the car to the provincial capital. When I once again experienced the harsh words from my family, Through such cruelty, I finally understood what self-reliance and self-reliance meant to a rural girl who had been neglected since she was a child.

?Dignity! What I want can only be given by myself!

In the first half of 2003, I finally found a job in a small newspaper. It was sometimes hard, mostly boring, and the pay was pitiful. Even though I worked like this for a few months, the small newspaper closed down, and SARS came. . I had to be trapped in a rental house in the urban village, waiting for the disaster to pass quickly.

As soon as the ban on urban villages was lifted, I couldn’t wait or stay, so I got my high school diploma and went to work as a cashier in an Internet cafe. During that time, I had to work the night shift and within a few weeks, I fainted while taking a shower.

At that time, I only weighed 90 pounds. Although I needed money to support myself, I had to quit my job.

In my job search experience for more than half a year, I have always been struggling with the alternation of hope and disappointment...

I have also regretted my recklessness, and also in the dead of night, I imagined that if I had not given up my job as a teacher, why would I have to suffer this torture.

After I woke up, I knew that even if I could turn back time, I would still make the same choice.

Because I am not willing to be trapped in that small space for the rest of my life, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in that small frontier town in a world of ice and snow with unfamiliar grass.

In August, I finally passed the preliminary written examination and interview, received a job notice from a media in the provincial capital, and started on-the-job training, including military training during the day and news media editing skills training at night.

Since then, my life has opened up another channel. The work of the newspaper office is on call, and the phone is on 24 hours a day. Although it is free, I am pressured by assessments every month, and I dare not slack off at all.

On New Year’s Day, I finally finished the interview task at hand. With the help of the train station staff, my boyfriend and I squeezed onto the last train to my hometown.

However, this time, I did not go home to celebrate the New Year.

The memory of the Spring Festival that just passed is as clear as yesterday. The suffering and pain I experienced in the past year are still lingering in my heart, even though I know they have spread it everywhere at home, and there is someone in the province. Cheng became the daughter of a reporter. It seems that they are also looking forward to my return.

I didn't go back after all. The scene I was looking forward to with the family gathered around the stove, eating peanuts and melon seeds, having the Spring Festival Gala and talking about homely things, was already many, many years ago.

At the end of 2004, I quit my media job and moved south to Shenzhen, ending my long-distance relationship.

In the following years, all that was left of my Spring Festival was an empty city and a group of strangers who could not go home.

I had my own home in 2008 and a child in 2011. Then my mother-in-law came to take care of the child and my mother came to recuperate. The arrival of the two elderly people made the home feel more like home. Every year in the twelfth lunar month, we clean the house, wipe the windows, and buy couplets and window grilles. On the New Year's Eve, we happily put up Spring Festival couplets and glue window grilles just like we did in our hometown. After my mother-in-law returned, my mother stayed here for seven years.

She has completely adapted to life in the south, and her hometown has become a distant memory for her.

?"Where is mom, where is home?" Although the two small courtyards in my hometown are still there, the relatives at home are still there, and my father and brother's family still live in the house in the town, we all We know that it is difficult for a separated family to get together again on a day like the Spring Festival.

After all, some people will remember the scars of their youth for a lifetime, such as my father and mother; of course, some people have rebuilt a family, such as me and the immigrants of my generation.

This past year was not much different from many people’s, and the upcoming Spring Festival seems not to be much different from many Spring Festivals in the past. Some people return home as fast as an arrow, while some people can only look away.

Last month, a family in a northern village sent away its last old man. Brothers and sisters from several different places finally gathered together at the funeral of their old mother.

?In addition to being busy with the funeral of the old man, the elder brother and sister who have become grandparents, and the youngest brother who has become the father-in-law and mother-in-law, the family gathered together, drank, chatted and took photos.

?For them, that small house has lost its meaning of existence with the departure of the last old man, and the family that raised them has also lost its home. the taste.

?The old man was buried, and a dozen people dispersed in a hurry. The brothers and sisters had a close relationship with each other. Because they no longer had a home and care for each other, they spent the remaining years separately. Each day, each seeks his own well-being.

?As the eldest brother, he was very sad. In the few days after his old mother passed away, he could not eat or sleep well. He walked around in front of and behind the house, casually looking around, and every time he saw something familiar The scene made me blush.

? He said that as early as the day his father passed away two years ago, he knew that sooner or later his mother would leave them. But when that day really came, he realized that with What do they mean? This time they not only lost their mother, but also their home, their common concerns and childhood memories. His father was gone, but his mother was still at home. Every Spring Festival, when he was busy at home, he would rush home to talk to his mother, even if it was just for two or three days.

Now in this small mountain village, even my mother is gone, and the familiar old people are missing one by one. The already small village has become smaller and smaller. There is no difference between day and night, except for the blue sky and starry sky. It was as quiet as death. Occasionally, a child ran out of someone's yard, stared at him for a while, and then ran back quickly.

He didn’t know why he would come back here in the future. Even during the Spring Festival, all that was left in the place where they had been raised was an old courtyard, a big iron lock, and the dark hole. There will be no big, cold chimneys with rising smoke. He can only shut himself up in the city, recalling those Spring Festivals when his parents were around, and slowly he will forget about it until he is old too...

Each of us is growing up. Lost, from the first memory, slowly to the people in the memory, from the distant people in the depths of the memory, to the real and loving people around me. To our parents and relatives, to ourselves.

?If your parents are here, you will have a way back for the rest of your life; if your parents are not there, you will have only where you came from for the rest of your life.