I was depressed to learn that Gao Fushuai's predecessor was engaged, but why did he take the initiative to get back together with me?

Read some stories every day by Luan Yi Chen Yin

1

There are three stops to Nanjing East Road.

Qiao Yue hasn't been here since he broke up with Lin Xie two years ago.

She stood sideways by the car door. The subway rumbled through the tunnel, and her outline was reflected on the glass of the door.

Although the outline blurred the skin color and could not see the fine lines on her face, she still felt her haggard.

Qiao Yue remembered her past self.

At that time, she liked to see the reflection on the glass.

Every time she arrives at her destination, she will habitually arrange her hair in front of the car door and get off. Lin Xie will wait for her at the platform.

It's the stop.

She followed the crowd slowly towards the exit.

2

Three days ago in the afternoon, a less active WeChat group suddenly had new news.

It was a group where Qiao Yue and Xie Lin were both in the capital, but they rarely interacted in the group before, and there was no intersection after breaking up. This group usually has no news, so Qiao Yue is not protected.

She occasionally looks at Lin Xie's head. Lin Xie is three years younger than her, and her hobbies and moods are always reflected in nicknames and avatars.

The news reached Lin Xie.

"Shao Lin is getting engaged?"

The word engagement is a bit harsh.

A minute later, Lin Xie's reply appeared on the screen.

"I don't know."

Lin Xie is abroad, so it should not be answered every second. Maybe he stayed up playing games again ... Realizing that he was distracted, Qiao Yue shook his head, as if to get rid of some thoughts and focus on his work again, but the words Lin Xie and engagement still lingered in his mind.

She had a premonition. It seems that something is going to happen.

Sure enough, it wasn't long before a friend applied.

It's Lin Xie-after the breakup, Qiao Yue didn't take the initiative to talk to him. Now it seems that he has deleted his friends.

Qiao Yue is not surprised. Lin Xie used to be very childish when we were together. She blacked her out when she was angry, and then added it back casually.

Qiao Yue was silent for a while and agreed to the friend application. She didn't jump for joy, just out of curiosity.

"I came home. Are you going to eat crayfish on Friday? "

At that time, Qiao Yue seems to have gone back to two years ago, and they haven't broken up yet, so they naturally discussed the weekend date.

She was at a loss for a moment and didn't want to appear too unstable. She hesitated and replied, "I have something to do on Friday." How about Saturday? " Crayfish was only eaten last week. Is it Japanese? "

She had nothing to do on Friday and didn't eat crayfish last week. She just resisted the intimacy created by Lin Xie.

The last time I ate crayfish was with Xie Linzhi. That day, Xie Linzhi didn't eat much. He peeled crayfish all night and put them on Qiao Yue's plate, which made his deskmate laugh at him. Qiao Yue just buried himself in eating shrimp, a little shy and a little happy.

"Well, how about eight o'clock in the evening? Or the one on Nanjing East Road. I'll pick you up at the company then. "

Qiao Yue some don't understand Lin Xie's attitude. She chose to decline: "You go to the store first."

After five minutes of silence, a "good" came.

Qiao Yuesong breathed a sigh of relief.

three

Or a window seat. Qiao Yue recognized Lin Xie at a glance.

He propped up his chin and sipped his thin lips, staring blankly at the flashing neon outside the window. Thin-rimmed glasses made him gentle and delicate.

Two years later, this store hasn't changed much, nor has Lin Xie, but it looks more mature than before.

Qiao Yue walked over, quietly put down his bag and sat opposite him.

I have been looking at Lin Xie outside the window. When I saw her, there was a faint joy between my eyebrows: "Jojo."

This "tweet" abruptly suppressed Qiao Yue's "Hello" near her lips.

She nodded and smiled at him. Then, as if she had just found the menu on the table, she picked it up and turned it over and asked, "Have you been waiting long?"

Lin Xie said "soon" and didn't speak again.

Qiao Yue still bent down to study the menu, which is very thin. Finally, after flipping through the menu three times, she looked up helplessly and just smiled at Lin Xie.

"Finally willing to look up at me?"

Qiao Yue's face is a little hot. She intended to strike first with indifference, but every time she really faced Lin Xie, the control seemed never to be in her hands.

Once they quarreled on WeChat, and Lin Xie ended the dispute with "I felt sick, so I went to sleep first". Qiao Yue knew that he occasionally felt uncomfortable, a little panicked, and took a taxi to the other party's house downstairs overnight.

Lin Xie didn't reply to her message. She waited nervously downstairs, trying to make sure that Lin Xie was safe when he woke up.

Later, she wondered whether this strange stubbornness was because she really cared about him or because she was afraid of losing him.

Summer nights in Shanghai are very hot and there are many mosquitoes. Qiao Yue bought some food at the convenience store on the corner and sat there all night.

At five o'clock in the morning, it is already bright outside. The little brother on the night shift was really curious about the girl who stayed in the convenience store all night and asked her why she didn't go home.

Qiao Yue, who had been waiting all night, was embarrassed and only said that he was waiting for someone.

The little brother smiled puzzled and advised her to go back quickly. He said, "after all this time, the person you are waiting for will definitely not come."

Qiao Yue was suddenly moved.

Meanwhile, Lin Xie returned to the news.

"It's not safe outside. Go back to sleep. "

In a short sentence, Qiao Yue's heart became cold, and the wind from the air conditioner was a little cold.

How cold is it to say this to your girlfriend who has been waiting outside all night?

She left the convenience store and walked in the street.

She decided that from now on, she would never say a word to Lin Xie again.

A few steps later, the phone rang. Yes. She picked it up in resentment and said nothing.

Lin Xie's voice is very gentle, as if she didn't send out the indifferent message just now: "Come to the breakfast shop opposite the community."

In the breakfast shop, she sat opposite Lin Xie, still silent, crying while drinking soy milk, silently venting the grievances that had been suppressed all night.

Lin Xie declined to comment on what happened before. She just took off Qiao Yue's glasses, wiped them clean, wiped the tears off her face with a tissue, and then put them back on her face.

Qiao Yue cried even harder. She sobbed and lost her temper with him, but she knew that she had forgiven Lin Xie in her heart.

Perhaps it is because of his indifference and gentleness that he is Lin Xie.

four

Qiao Yue stared at the sushi on the plate.

Lin Xie was not as stiff and embarrassed as his predecessor when he reunited after a long separation. He looks natural and talks a lot. Qiao Yue nodded or smiled symbolically.

Lin Xie mentioned a novel that Qiao Yue once recommended to him. At that time, he was addicted to another book and argued with Qiao Yue about the differences between novels. This novel has become his daily reading for the past two years.

He also sent Qiao Yue a gift box of maple syrup, saying that he had an appointment with Qiao Yue to give it to her before returning to China last time, but later he forgot to buy it, so he made it up this time. It was before we broke up that we completely ignored the final agreement.

When he finished eating, he took out a book and asked Qiao Yue to sign it for him after eating. Qiao Yue saw that this was a novella published by himself six months ago. Although the sales volume is average, it is also the first book published by myself.

Doubts about the meal reached a climax in Qiao Yue's mind. She can perceive Kan Kan in Lin Xie and talk about him.

She couldn't help asking, "It seems that your school hasn't reached the holiday time yet, right?"

Xie Lin smiled. Although a little more mature than two years ago, I still smile with a sense of youth.

"I came back on special leave," he said calmly, as if talking about an anecdote of others. "I may be engaged. That woman is the daughter of one of my father's business partners. "

Lin Xie paused, eyes staring at Qiao Yue.

But Qiao Yue saw a longing in his eyes.

She knew he was waiting for her to ask.

She was silent, but she felt funny-the original interest in hanging others in Lin Xie's bones remained unchanged.

If love is like a game, even if it is evenly matched, it will be tired after a long time.

She shouldn't ask, and she shouldn't show curiosity about what he hasn't said, so that he will have a desire to conquer the uncontrollable situation and keep his enthusiasm for her.

All of the above, as early as in the past disputes, she tasted the lesson.

But she has long lost interest in this game. Silence is only because of fatigue.

She offered to end the meeting: "... I have finished eating, please enjoy."

Qiao Yue stood up to leave, but was held back by Lin Xie. She tried to withdraw her hand, but failed. She looked back and saw that Lin Xie's face was a little red.

His eagerness was finally reflected in his tone: "I told you two years ago that if we were still together the next year, we would go to see our parents." Do you remember? "

He remembered this promise.

Qiao Yue looked at him for a few seconds, then suddenly sighed, "But we broke up two years ago."

Lin Xie's expression darkened.

Then, as if in anger, he said rudely, "I'm really getting engaged." Why don't you keep me? "

Qiao Yue said nothing, and her eyes looked out of the window. Intermittent rain formed misty rain fog in the wind. But her eyes were cold and firm.

Lin Xie didn't insist. He picked up the novel published by Qiao Yue, turned to the title page and handed it to her: "Then please sign it for me as a souvenir."

Qiao Yue looked down at the book in his hand, and the title page read: "This book is dedicated to my parents."

She understood that this was a means for Lin Xie to retreat. So she didn't speak, just wrote her name in the blank.

When she left, she heard him behind her and asked, "On the day of comic exhibition ... I was wrong. Shall we get back together? "

Qiao Yue had never heard his apology, and wanted to turn around and see his expression at this time.

But in the end, she walked out of his sight and walked into the drizzly night without looking back.

She thought they would never meet again.

five

Back to the small apartment, Qiao Yue closed the door, stood in the dark for a while, stretched out his hand and turned on the switch of the exhaust fan, and there was a dull hum in the closed room.

She seems to have gained inner peace.

Just like when I was a child, when I was afraid at home, I would turn on the TV to dispel my inner fears.

She lives in a dark room in the apartment. The room is not big. When you enter the room, the bathroom is on the right, and the desk and bed are right in front. There is a small window with a corridor outside.

Before going out, she will open the window to get some air. When she comes home, she will close the window and shut out the sound of other rooms.

After a simple wash and dress, Qiao Yue lay in bed, covered with a quilt, letting her thoughts drift away.

Once again, she remembered everything about Lin Xie.

She remembers the first time they met; Think of them talking about Sartre, Zweig and Huxley together; Remembering that she was looking for him at the appointed place every time we met, suddenly someone patted her on the shoulder. She turned her head, but she couldn't see anyone. Looking back, Lin Xie stood in front of her with a smile.

This gentle smile, like a gentle wind, is full of her memory-a boring little game between lovers, which makes people who are deeply involved enjoy it.

But the softness suddenly turned cold.

Qiao Yue felt his heart sinking.

She remembered the comic book exhibition that Lin Xie talked about.

It was Saturday, and she should go to work. She learned that Lin Xie was going to attend a comic book exhibition, and planned to transfer her class to go with him. Later, Lin Xie had something to say, and she couldn't go at the last minute. She thought she was transferred anyway, so she went alone.

But I met Xie Linzhi with a group of friends at the comic exhibition.

The exhibition is very large, with more than a dozen exhibition halls. Meeting it is a coincidence.

She stood on the spot, Lin Xie's eyes a little surprised. He came up and looked her in the eye and said, "You don't believe me?"

She tried to defend herself, but just shook her head.

Lin Xie didn't continue to ask. But Qiao Yue knew that he had judged her behavior in his mind.

He patted her on the head, still so gentle. He said, "Comic-Con is over. Hurry back. "

"I ..." Qiao Yue opened his mouth. She wants to ask, do you still treat me as a girlfriend? But eventually she asked, aren't we going to have dinner together?

Lin Xie's hand slipped down her hair to her shoulder, and once rubbed the hair on her shoulder: "I have an appointment with my friend."

At that time, Qiao Yue inexplicably had a feeling that if he left this time, he would never come back.

Qiao Yue stared at Lin Xie's back, shaking her eyes with the limited reflection of her watch.

Many complicated emotions welled up in tears.

People who were busy cleaning at the booth looked at the girl sobbing with money curiously.

six

In fact, comic-con is just a fuse.

Essentially they are people from two different worlds. Even if they have the same preferences and even the same ideals, they are still different people.

When faced with it, Qiao Yue always has a sense of powerlessness, full of love, eager to lose, and concealed it with indifference.

But Lin Xie always has a way to make her too busy to hide and expose her true feelings naked.

Qiao Yue has never come into contact with anyone like Lin Xie.

He was born in a family that is said to be quite famous in the local area. When I was fourteen, I immigrated from Shanghai to Quebec with my parents.

His father's discipline and mother's connivance have developed his frivolous and flamboyant character. He always does whatever he wants, rarely explains it, as if he is never afraid of losing anything-after all, everything he wants is much easier than the average person.

At the beginning of their acquaintance, Xie Linzhi motioned for her to look at the latest pair of brand-name shoes on passers-by's feet. She was a little surprised by unknown so and Chi. "You don't know?"

Although Lin Xie later converged a lot, this sentence remained in Qiao Yue's heart forever.

Many times she recalled that day, and she thought, why not stubbornly ask each other, "Why do I have to know?"

It was long after the breakup that she realized that the other party had been rude first.

But at that time, her thought was, if she had the same family background as Lin Xie, wouldn't this happen?

One day, two people were discussing what to eat next on the roadside, and suddenly a light rain came from the gloomy sky. Lin Xie said with a smile, fortunately, he has prepared a raincoat for Qiao Yue.

Qiao Yue hurriedly waved. She hated wearing plastic raincoats since she was a child, and it was uncomfortable to stick to her body.

Lin Zhi casually said, "My raincoat is certainly different from yours ..." He stopped in the middle, just as a big truck roared past them, and the noise covered up the subtle discomfort between them.

Lin Xie took out his raincoat and put it on Qiao Yue, then changed the subject.

Qiao Yue came home, took a photo, and then searched online. It's a Norwegian brand, and the price is 600 euros, which is exactly one month's salary when converted into RMB.

She remembered Lin Xie's unfinished sentence and began to blame herself. She knew that with the deepening of her understanding of Lin Xie, her inner inferiority could not be hidden behind her superficial calm.

If you can face it calmly, maybe there will be no subtle discomfort at that moment.

After Comic-Con, Qiao Yue never spoke to Lin Xie again. With Lin Xie's hopeless character, Qiao Yue didn't go to see him, and he still lived freely.

Just the day before returning to Canada, he updated a photo in his circle of friends, which was a few rows of bicycles under a residential building. The location is located in Qiao Yue's apartment.

Qiao Yue saw it, didn't like it, and didn't answer.

She knew that her intersection with Lin Xie was doomed to be short-lived, and she could not simply live with her through hard work.

She even suddenly figured it out one day, maybe Lin Xiezhi never loved herself, but he only loved another world she had glimpsed.

Because a person who truly loves will not blame himself, feel inferior or beg.

The reason why I am sad may not be how precious this feeling is, but the more tired I love, the harder it is to give up.

seven

The faint vibration of the mobile phone interrupted her thoughts.

She touched the phone beside the pillow and pressed the bright screen.

"He son, this month's loan has been paid off. You should pay attention to your health when you are alone in Shanghai. Don't push too hard. Your father has found a job as a security guard now, so you don't have to spend so much money at home every month ... "

Qiao Yue glanced at the WeChat message and looked at the time. It's already twelve o'clock. Reply now. Mom has to worry about staying up late again. Come back the next day.

She threw her mobile phone back to the pillow, uncovered the quilt, got up and walked to the desk, opened the drawer, and there was a Zoloft at the bottom of the stack of paper and a box of blades she had hidden.

Skillfully cut half a grain and take it with water. Qiao Yue gently touched the blade and put it back at the bottom of the drawer to avoid cutting himself.

A year ago, she was diagnosed with moderate depression, and the medicine was not cheap. She took it on her own initiative and didn't take it on time. She only takes it when there is a problem.

She has recognized the essence of this failed relationship, but there is always a sense of powerlessness in her heart.

She can't figure out the crux of the problem, so she can only try to keep herself alive.

In her novels, the protagonist still chooses to believe in hope after suffering, and finally welcomes hope.

She wrote, "May you still believe in beauty after seeing the darkness."

What she didn't write was, if you saw the darkness inside you, how would you reconcile with yourself?

eight

She had a dream that night.

She dreamed of her carefree self when she was just with Lin Xiezhi.

There is no caution, no humble begging, and no secret resentment and jealousy.

"If I become a great writer, the first book published must be written on the title page and dedicated to Lin Xie."

Hearing this, his mouth rose slightly and his eyes were bright, as if there was light.

Now that I think about it, it was probably at that time that Lin Xie's eyes would shine.

She turned over and a cold tear slowly flowed into her temple. (Title: "Synthesis", author: Luan Yi Yin Chen. From: read some stories every day and watch more exciting)