I once saw a funny version of "Three Visits to the Shanzhai" in Baidu. Zhuge Liang took the initiative to apply for a job with Liu Bei. Who knows?

On the eve of graduation, students of Nanyang University are busy attending various job fairs, sending resumes everywhere, and are tired of interviews again and again. Only the doctoral student Zhuge Liang is different, wandering around all day, feeling at ease. It is said that he doesn't want to work at all. He once announced in the dormitory: "I just go to Internet cafes to stroll the streets all day, but I will never start from the basic work! My talent is used to influence the future of the nation! How can you waste eight hours a day at work to bring tea and water to the leader and hand it to the ashtray? "

When the school's "Graduate Employment Guidance Committee" and "Student Mental Health Guidance Committee" heard about this incident, they immediately gave Zhuge Aliang a "carpet" of political and ideological education and mental health counseling. Of course, the content is nothing more than familiar to everyone, such as lowering work expectations, but it has no effect. Finally, they contacted Zhuge Liang's brother, Zhu Gejin, a senior employee of Soochow Group, and asked the parents to support the school. Zhu Gejin's greatest characteristic is obedient, whether he is the leader of his own company or the teacher of his brother's school-he has no father's love since he was a child and is particularly eager for others to take care of him. As long as someone takes care of him, he listens to everything. He immediately stopped giving Zhuge Liang living expenses. What really worked was this trick, and Zhuge Liang immediately joined the job search army of Nanyang University.

But then again, finding a job is not that easy. Zhuge Liang has no experience, no achievements and no connections. Coupled with the chaos in the business community at that time, vicious competition among enterprises was very serious, and a large number of enterprises closed down every year, and the demand for talents in society was very small. Therefore, Zhuge Liang has never found a unit willing to accept him.

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Although the position of Deputy General Manager of Han Shu Company is vacant, it is not so easy to recommend one out of thin air. Professor Shui Jing stayed at home for two days and finally came up with an idea. In fact, there is nothing new, or two words-packaging.

First, Zhuge Liang forged a "five-good student ID card", which read:

Concentrate on restoring state-owned enterprises-excellent moral education;

Doctor degree, IQ of 250-intellectually gifted;

Height 185cm, amateur CBA- excellent in sports;

Piano, chess, calligraphy, painting, poetry and lyrics are pervasive-excellent aesthetic education;

Actively participate in labor practice and cultivate Nanyang people-raising children through labor.

Then Zhuge Liang was asked to piece together the articles published by netizens on the website of "Enterprise Strategy Forum" into a paper "My Observation on the Management Status of Longzhong Building in Nanda", which was referred to as "Longzhong Pair", and Professor Shui Jing helped him to revise and polish it into a manuscript and recite it for a special interview. Professor Shui Jing knows that Zhuge Liang's ability to do specific things is far less than that of Xu Shu, but his theoretical analysis ability and eloquence are much stronger than that of Xu Shu. This is called fostering strengths and avoiding weaknesses.

Then it's time to design something for Zhuge. In this respect, Professor Shui Jing fully draws lessons from traditional culture and talks about some special charms of traditional numerology, physiognomy, foreknowledge and traditional culture. He invented the word "Wolong", which made Zhuge Liang practice Tai Ji Chuan for two months, and made his temperament have the flavor of sage like type. He is also required to sleep more every day, fully embodying the word "lying" and giving people a feeling that everything is planned.

Finally, Professor Huang invited to be a "child care", which is also the professor's original creation. However, Professor Huang also gave real help, because Zhuge Liang has become his adopted son-in-law. A few days ago, Zhuge Liang met with Professor Huang's female graduate student, who is also his adopted daughter. Female graduate students are ugly, but they are also humorous and have stronger feelings. Both of them are thirsty young students, born hot and dry, and soon have the reality of husband and wife. At this time, Zhuge Liang discovered that female graduate students are no longer virgins.

"It's all that bad old man ..." The female graduate student cried. It turned out that Professor Huang of michel platini had already possessed her, and now she doesn't want her and wants to push her out.

Zhuge Liang wanted to have an attack, but the thought of having to rely on Professor Huang's help forced him to suppress the evil spirits. Besides, this kind of girl who has had a painful experience is reliable, and the kind of girl who is chased by thousands of people like Xiao Qiao cannot be reassuring at home! Sure enough, this female graduate student later became Zhuge Liang's wife and helped him a lot in his career.

12

Besides, Xu Shu jumped ship, and Liu Bei was also very sad. Suddenly, he received a telex calling himself "water mirror headhunting company", saying that the service fee was 20% off at present. Liu Bei thought, this is really a timely help!

I was even happier when I heard that Zhuge Liang was recommended to him. Last time I wanted to find Zhuge Liang, I found Xu Shu. He felt that he and Zhuge Liang must be predestined friends. In addition, institutions such as "Water Mirror Headhunting Company" and "Corporate Strategy Salon" jointly founded "Talented People in the World" magazine. The first issue published an article introducing Zhuge Liang and a photo of Zhuge Liang. I saw him wearing a t-shirt, which read "Be indifferent to your heart, be quiet and far away". Judging from the railing, he seems to be very talented! Two days ago, Han Shu Company engaged in information construction, and Liu Bei went online for the first time. Coincidentally, the first website he visited was "Enterprise Strategy Salon", and the class leader's name was Zhuge Liang. So Zhuge Liang almost became a mythical figure in Liu Bei's eyes.

Liu Bei promised to meet this Zhuge Liang. According to the truth, the water mirror can finally have a rest, so I can't see Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang. However, Professor Shui Jing, an elite intellectual, naturally understands that headhunting companies must take the initiative in every step in the future if they want to succeed in business. Under his planning, the interview was conducted according to the pre-arranged steps.

Shui Jing said to Liu Bei: "If you want to get high-level talents, employers should visit the interviewer's home. This is the most popular recruitment method abroad. "Then you tell him that Zhuge Liang lives in a cottage, which is the most idyllic place in our school. How to get there? ...

Liu Bei has never been abroad. When he sees something slightly modern, he will definitely faint first. On the way to the thatched cottage, there are rockeries, lotus ponds, lawns unique to Liu Yin and famous universities. Liu Bei only felt relaxed and happy, and I forgot everything. When I came to the student dormitory, I suddenly saw a dozen students playing on the lawn. Listen carefully, they are talking about Zhuge Liang's campus folk songs! Listen to a tall boy asked, another student in the answer:

"ZhuGeLiangSan eat hairtail-don't spit small thorn. Zhuge Liang ate hot pot seven times-picked it up and put it down. Zhuge Liang wants second-hand goods when picking up girls-for his career. ……"

"No, no, it's Zhuge Liang's three qigong Zhou Yu-two moves, Zhuge Liang's seven captures Mencius-let go." Everyone is correct, but no one disputes the last campus folk song.

Liu Bei thought, Zhuge Liang is really famous! I don't know that this is all arranged by the water mirror headhunting company: all college students who participate in this "promoting Zhuge Liang" activity can get preferential cards from the water mirror headhunting company after graduation.

But when Liu Bei came to the dormitory, he heard from the uncle who was the doorman that Zhuge Liang went out with a bag this morning, saying that he was going to travel around the world and meet some old classmates.

It turns out that Liu Bei came to see himself. Zhuge Liang has been thinking about this all day, and the more he thinks about it, the more depressed he becomes. With his knowledge and analytical ability, he fully understands that Han Shu Company will die sooner or later. Do you really want to give yourself to such a company that will die sooner or later, to Liu Bei, who has two particularly exaggerated big ears? Thinking about it, I decided not to see Liu Bei, and I was afraid that I would suddenly change my mind and couldn't tell the teacher, so I left without saying goodbye.

Zhuge Liang came back two months later. Before the backpack was put down, Professor Shui Jing came to do ideological work. Professor water mirror is really an old scholar, and two sentences have untied Zhuge Liang's heart:

"A person's value lies not in the success of his career, but in whether he has created an ideal personality that can be used for reference by future generations. The harder a person's career is, the more touching his spiritual strength is. This is called' knowing it is impossible to do it'. Of course, we must be prepared for dedication, and we must' do our best for the cause we are engaged in and die'! "

Speaking of which, Professor Shui Jing stood up excitedly. "In our materialistic chaotic society, the more we stick to our ideals, the more valuable we are. In your job choice, nothing can better reflect the value of life than revitalizing state-owned enterprises! "

Zhuge Liang was moved to tears and almost felt enlightened today. He threw the Chinese character "Do your best, die before you die" into a banner and hung it on the wall as a lifelong motto.

13

Liu Bei is really a good customer of Professor Shui Jing: I didn't see Zhuge Liang last time, and I didn't think about tea and rice when I went back. Call Zhuge Liang every day and ask him if he has come back. Today, when I heard that Zhuge Liang was back, I took a taxi with Deputy Manager Guan and Deputy Manager Zhang.

The scenery of the campus is still so poetic that even the redneck deputy manager Zhang "tut-tut" admires it. The university has taste! At this time, an ugly woman appeared in everyone's line of sight. She walked and recited poems:

"Twenty steps away from the campus gate, a dormitory often leaks water: Gorkon bends the cloud root and the running water flies into the bone marrow; If the situation is trapped on the dragon stone, it is shaped like a single phoenix pine in the shade; The door is half-hidden, some can't afford to lie down with bedding and bedding, three meals and strong-smelling rice cookers, imported high-end guitars, and laptops are pressing the stars. " The gentleman in the room is quiet and elegant, and he is free to pour some water on the internet: just wait for the spring thunder to wake up from his dream and scream for peace.

Liu Bei thought that Zhuge Liang's brain lacked oxygen, and he was even more puzzled: "I didn't know Zhuge Liang was a woman!" " "But I still come forward to ask:

"Excuse me, are you Miss Zhuge Liang?"

I saw the girl laughing like a string of silver bells, and the willows shook. Gave Liu Bei a naughty look and said, "You are so interesting! How can I become Zhuge Liang? I'm just his primary school sister. But I know you. You are Mr. Liu from Han Shu Company! "

Liu Bei is very strange. Why does every little girl know me? I saw the little girl smiled and explained, "I often hear Brother Pig talk about you. He always said that you have big ears. He even said that you are an entrepreneur with both ability and political integrity, so I admire you very much and dream of seeing you ... "

As we all know, this is Zhuge Liang's fiancee and Professor Huang's adopted daughter, who was also invited. Liu Bei has a very good impression of this girl. He hates those fashionable women who wear heavy makeup (for example, because he hates Xiao Qiao, he never watches Soochow Satellite TV), and likes this simplicity and innocence. If he hadn't been born with a preference for boys, he would have taken the girl away.

But as soon as I entered the dormitory, I heard from my uncle who was the doorman that Zhuge Liang suddenly got acute appendicitis and went to the hospital for surgery.

It turned out that half an hour before the interview, Zhuge Liang suddenly got stage fright, and even he didn't know what was going on-after all, this was the first interview in his life! So he ran away and arrived at the school gate just to see Liu Bei get off the bus.

14

This time, even Professor Shui Jing was angry and said, "If you don't cooperate well next time, Zhuge Liang will recommend Pang Tong to Liu Bei." The fiancee was so angry that she fainted again and again while making soup for Zhuge Liang. This is the common feature of all virtuous women: if you feel that your husband has a problem, you will never say anything, that is, you will blindly abuse yourself and let your husband make trouble without reason and ignore it.

Zhuge Liang quickly accompanied a lot of mistakes inside and outside, saying that everyone would give me another chance and I wouldn't let you down!

Oddly enough, Liu Bei valued Zhuge Liang more. Perhaps recruiting talents is similar to pursuing the opposite sex: the more he (she) avoids you, the more he (she) wants to chase you, but when he (she) chases you, you want to hide. Liu Bei now almost regards Zhuge Liang as a mental illness, and he has to hug Zhuge Liang's photos cut from magazines every day to fall asleep. As soon as he heard that Professor Shui Jing had arranged a third interview, he immediately took two assistant managers and drove his Santana.

It was winter, just after a heavy snow, the campus was silvery white, the students had their winter vacation, and there was no one around. Only an old professor walking in the snow came into view. I saw the old professor thin and limping, and he looked pitiful. Deputy manager Guan said: people are a group of crazy people. Such an old man walks outside on a snowy day. Isn't that a doctor? "

But Liu Bei doesn't think so. He especially wanted to go to college since he was a child, but he didn't have the opportunity to go to college, so he was particularly willing to get close to intellectuals. Seeing that the old professor was so old and admirable, he rushed over and asked, "Old man, why are you alone outside in such a cold day?"

The old man sighed and said, "heaven is not right, and the world is getting worse." People just want to make money, regardless of ideals. Every time I think about and see this, I always feel unspeakable sadness, so I went out for a walk. Alas! Today's young people, as long as an average of 1000, no,1000, has an ideal like Zhuge Liang, this society will have hope! " As he spoke, he shed two lines of tears.

Liu Bei also shed two lines of tears: "I feel the same way! Old man, to tell you the truth, I am looking for that Zhuge Liang now! When I find him, I will work hard to revive the glory of our state-owned enterprises and give you a peaceful society! "

This old professor is Zhuge Liang's future father-in-law, Professor Huang. After listening to Liu Bei's words, he saw Liu Beiqing's nose flowing to his chin. Professor Huang almost laughed, and quickly pretended to cough and ran away, leaving Liu Bei alone. ...

When Liu Bei arrived at the dormitory door, he specifically asked Zhuge Liang, the doorman, if he was there. Grandpa said, yes, I haven't seen him all day. When I came to the "Caotang", the door was gently pushed open, and I only heard snoring inside, and then someone was sleeping! Liu Bei looked at Zhuge Liang's photos every day, of course knowing that this was Zhuge Liang.

It turned out that Zhuge Liang was afraid of stage fright during the interview, so he took some sedatives. He didn't think that he was sleepy after taking too many drugs, and he fell asleep unconsciously.

"When is this boy still sleeping? Put a cannon next to his ear. " Deputy manager Guan said.

"What's the use of thunderbolts?" All I have to do is shout like I did at Dangyang Bridge. "Deputy manager zhang said.

"No, no!" Liu Bei said, "He must have stayed up studying last night. Let's wait until he wakes up. You two walk quietly, don't wake him! "

The two assistant managers were so angry that they went to the Internet cafe at the school gate to play CS.

It may be that the sedative is a little strong, and it was dark before Zhuge Liang woke up. When I woke up, I saw Liu Beizheng sitting on the bed, staring at himself affectionately. He almost fainted again.

Liu Bei said eagerly, "I can find you." Come on, come back to the company with me! "

Zhuge Liang just woke up and said in a daze, "But ... I haven't had an interview yet?"

Liu Bei thought, "Yes! I paid so much money to the headhunting company that I didn't lose money without an interview! " So I memorized the interview lines I had prepared for a long time:

"I have the ideal of reviving Han Shu company, but at present, the enterprise is overburdened, the insiders are overstaffed, the external competition is fierce, and its own ability is limited, and the enterprise has been hovering on the edge of production suspension. Therefore, please design a combat readiness plan for the future development of our Han Shu company. "

Fortunately, Zhuge Liang did not forget the lines of "My Observation on the Current Domestic Economic Situation in Longzhong", so he also recited them:

"Since the reform and opening up, new enterprises have sprung up like mushrooms after rain, and the market competition has become increasingly fierce. Dawei Company is well-funded and has a certain government background, so it must not compete directly with them. Soochow Company is a mature private enterprise, with a certain market share and internal unity, so we must make them our partners, not competitors. Nowadays, asset reorganization is a general trend. Jingzhou Company and Yizhou Company are our next acquisition targets. After the merger, our strength will have a great leap. At that time, we will turn our target to Dawei Company ... "

Just as I said that, I was happy when I saw Liu Bei: I fell asleep. It turned out that the night before each interview, Liu Bei was too excited to sleep. Now I finally met Zhuge Liang and fell asleep as soon as I relaxed. Zhuge Liang coughed twice and Liu Bei collected it. He asked:

"Are there any requirements for treatment?"

Zhuge Liang remembered Professor Shui Jing's instructions and said without thinking, "I don't care about the treatment, I just want to do something."

Liu Bei was overjoyed. So I personally drove Santana to take Zhuge Liang back to the company and entrusted him with an important task. Everyone knows Zhuge Liang's later "great achievements" because he specially invited a famous reportage writer named Luo Guanzhong to write a book to flatter him, so I don't need to go into details here. The only regret is that Professor Shui Jing is tired of the intrigue in the commodity age and is disheartened. He decided to retire from the forest and no longer run a headhunting company, and his original headhunting management method failed to survive.